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Who here has never been in a relationship?

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mindwar
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18 Apr 2010, 1:26 am

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Bataar
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18 Apr 2010, 3:41 am

jagatai wrote:
MrDiamondMind wrote:
astaut wrote:
MrDiamondMind wrote:
astaut, I should have mentioned this, but you're a female and that makes it easier.


On the assumption that you haven't been a male and a female, I don't see how you could know. I also don't understand why one would think that having/finding a relationship would be easier because one is female. Yes, I'm a female and I've been in a relationship; but not every female out there is just like me, her experience may be extremely different than mine.


You're right, of course, in that other females are different and can have varied experiences. But it is, ultimately, easier if you are a female. If you are attractive enough, you could just sit somewhere like a statue and some male could still approach you with the intent to make you his girlfriend. If I just sit somewhere like a statue almost no girl in the world would approach me with the same intent because females almost never approach.


I believe you are mistaking "being approached" with "being in a relationship" Because we generally expect men to aggressively approach women in the mating process and there is a bit of a social stigma with women being assertive toward men, all other things being equal, a woman can get away with being more passive than a man in conventional dating situations.

But that initial approach is not the whole relationship. Being asked for a date does not mean you will be able to navigate through the emotional complexities of developing intimacy.

Two women have approached me and directly asked if I wanted to be in a relationship with them. On both occasions, I turned them down even though one of them was extremely attractive to me. The fact that these women made it "easy" for me to get involved did not mean I found it easy to get into a relationship with them. The best I have ever been able to manage is rather bland first dates where we were just starting to get to know one another. Anything requiring deeper interaction felt overwhelming and I quickly backed away from these situations.

I can't speak for any other individual, but I can certainly see where what appears easy may not be as easy as it seems. I would not be quick to assume it is easier for women in general.

Lars

You're right that it's not always the case, but a person who seldomly gets asked out has a much higher chance of forming and maintaining a relationship than a person who never gets or has ever been asked out. If a person asks you out, you at least have a choice. If no one asks you out, you have no choice.



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18 Apr 2010, 2:59 pm

^If no one asks you out, you do have the choice to ask someone out yourself instead of just waiting around. Some of the guys I went out with I asked out...the relationships I was in weren't 90-10%, they were much closer to 50-50%.



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18 Apr 2010, 5:24 pm

MrDiamondMind wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Myth.

Please explain. My experience and social science seems to contradict this "myth."


Women don't often get asked out etc. Out of most of the people I know, its the woman who initiated the convos etc. Males often use this as an excuse to seem hard done by.

If you get out there and are friendly and approachable, women do ask you. Some are shy, but its about 50/50. Most of the people i've been interested in, i've initiated it.

You can't just sit on the street and get men approaching you. That is a myth.



astaut
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18 Apr 2010, 6:09 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
MrDiamondMind wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Myth.

Please explain. My experience and social science seems to contradict this "myth."


Women don't often get asked out etc. Out of most of the people I know, its the woman who initiated the convos etc. Males often use this as an excuse to seem hard done by.

If you get out there and are friendly and approachable, women do ask you. Some are shy, but its about 50/50. Most of the people i've been interested in, i've initiated it.

You can't just sit on the street and get men approaching you. That is a myth.


I can only speak from my experience, but I can second that if I go sit on a park bench I don't get asked out on dates...people say I'm not approachable. (If I have my ferret with me people will approach to look at him, though.) When I have been 'asked out' it has either been when I have purposefully placed myself in a very social situation, or I have begun a relationship with someone that I already had some sort of friendship/acquaintance with. I knew them somehow already and it was easier for us to approach one another.

To the OP: If you're looking for a relationship, I would consider getting involved in stuff where you will meet people. For example: our local college offers something called 'enrichment' courses...they're classes in a variety of subjects for about $100 a piece. If I wanted to meet people I might join one of those classes. I don't know if you have a pet, but when I take my ferret to the park lots of people approach me to pet him and ask about him. Just some thoughts.



MrDiamondMind
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18 Apr 2010, 7:52 pm

Quote:
If you get out there and are friendly and approachable, women do ask you.

It is possible that I have an arrogant appearance. If I do, at least it's justified. :P

hale bopp & astaut, when a male approaches you, what does he say/do? Also, if you wouldn't approach somebody who looks arrogant, why not?



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18 Apr 2010, 8:01 pm

MrDiamondMind wrote:
Quote:
If you get out there and are friendly and approachable, women do ask you.

It is possible that I have an arrogant appearance. If I do, at least it's justified. :P

hale bopp & astaut, when a male approaches you, what does he say/do? Also, if you wouldn't approach somebody who looks arrogant, why not?


I don't really get approached.
Its hard to tell if someone "looks" arrogant unless you've associated with them.



kingtut3
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18 Apr 2010, 8:07 pm

I've never been in a relationship.



astaut
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18 Apr 2010, 9:14 pm

MrDiamondMind wrote:
Quote:
If you get out there and are friendly and approachable, women do ask you.

It is possible that I have an arrogant appearance. If I do, at least it's justified. :P

hale bopp & astaut, when a male approaches you, what does he say/do? Also, if you wouldn't approach somebody who looks arrogant, why not?


I've never been approached by a stranger. My first boyfriend I met on a mission trip, we were sitting at the same table in a dining room. The people around us were talking about some movie and he asked if I had seen the movie they were talking about, and the conversation went from there. (I guess he was a stranger, but it was a comfortable situation.) He was an exceptionally outgoing person. I don't think I would approach a strange person (for a date), period. I usually wouldn't use the word arrogant to describe how someone looked, but...if someone looked that way I wouldn't approach them because it would be a vibe of "I'm better than you, you have to earn the right to talk to me", etc. I would probably feel like they didn't want to be approached so I wouldn't approach them. People say I appear cold, rude, snobby, etc and that's why I am unapproachable.



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18 Apr 2010, 10:11 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
MrDiamondMind wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Myth.

Please explain. My experience and social science seems to contradict this "myth."


Women don't often get asked out etc. Out of most of the people I know, its the woman who initiated the convos etc. Males often use this as an excuse to seem hard done by.

If you get out there and are friendly and approachable, women do ask you. Some are shy, but its about 50/50. Most of the people i've been interested in, i've initiated it.

You can't just sit on the street and get men approaching you. That is a myth.


.....Interesting. It does not jive with my experience, but I can definitely entertain the notion...
This could use it's own thread.



sarek
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19 Apr 2010, 5:34 pm

I must be the record holder or at least close to it. I was 44 before I had a relationship of any kind. I never believed that would ever happen any more.


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jc6chan
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19 Apr 2010, 6:27 pm

MrDiamondMind wrote:
Please post yourself here if you are at least 20 and have never experienced any of the above. I’m only doing this to see how many people here are in the same boat as I am.

I'm almost 20 and it looks as though I will be in the same boat as you...except for one thing...when I was in grade 6, people played a "prank" on me where they told me this girl had something to whisper to my ear, then, she kissed me. I didn't really like it. I don't even count that as being kissed because it was intentionally a set up prank since everyone knew that I was "afraid of girls" and so they took advantage of that.



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19 Apr 2010, 7:08 pm

I've got a few years til 40 and have never been in a relationship or nothing. Never been approached, didn't get along with guys. Never have had RL male friends, so not even any 'friend zone'.



ForsakenEagle
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19 Apr 2010, 11:49 pm

I have never been anything to any girl.



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20 Apr 2010, 12:43 am

sarek wrote:
I must be the record holder or at least close to it. I was 44 before I had a relationship of any kind. I never believed that would ever happen any more.


no offense but you are not a record holder. at least one person has exceeded your performance in this regard.
have a nice day :)



Sirius
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20 Apr 2010, 2:42 am

I just turned 40 three months ago and have never been in a relationship. I can't even get past the customary part of initial flirting.