AS is a DISABILITY!

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I feel I've been misquoted a lot on the last two pages...

I don't really have romantic love, and I feel fairly happy. I think romantic love is usually a temporary thing that either becomes a close friendship, or... doesn't. My experience is limited though.

I understand that I am not normal in that I can be happy without a lot of money, friends, electrical goods, entertainment, a car, a job, a girlfriend... well you get the idea. A lot of the things that are prescribed as making up the 'good' life in the west.

Anyway, my point is this; there's people around, why not try and develop good relations with your family, flat mates, co-workers, school mates or whatever, while you're stuck without what you really crave? Any attempts at relating to others is good practice, in both senses. And you might not have the romance, but you might find other kinds of satisfying relationship. And if you are engaged in moment to moment living, then you have no time to dwell on the fact that you don't have a girlfriend.

If you've no friends, then I would think that this advice would go double for you.

I hope that clears up my position. Wishing you happiness.

The very obvious answer to your question is to find out first. It isn't straightforward, I give you that.

Most NTs are of no help. They don't know. They do what they do instinctively and automatically, so they can't actually tell you what it is you are doing 'wrong', just that something is off, or we're weird or something unhelpfully vague. Though there are some very helpful NTs around who can act as a 'bridge' between the worlds, they tend to have an investment, like they have autistic children, work with autistic people, or study autism.

I would read some books and articles on the subject. They will say; asperger's is characterised by bad eye contact, poor social reciprocity, interest in objects over people, blah blah and whatever. So you go through it, and see what applies to you and what doesn't. If you can't tell whether you give bad eye contact (for example) then at least you have a starting point to investigate. When you ask your friends why they think there's something off about you, you can ask, is it because of my bad eye contact? Have you noticed my strange my body language. etc. for example

Other people share their problems and findings and ideas on these forums, don't you ever read something and go 'Aha! I do that, and I never realised'? That's another good way.

You might want to look into co-morbid conditions of Asperger's, as they can be very useful to know about.

Maybe you aren't a voracious reader/researcher like some of us. But you've an Asperger's diagnosis and an internet connection. Read. Ask questions. Think. Research. Go out into the world and test things out, and observe.

I think one of the things that held me back from understanding my problem is that I never payed attention. I used to miss so much. I wasn't interested in being in my surroundings, or observing anything happening around me, I was more rooted in my head, in my thoughts. The outside world was just an irritating distraction, or worse a source of sensory pain and confusion. You can learn a lot by really watching something

You know, I've found this a difficult question, because to a large extent I've learned so much about my problems without even noticing how I went about it, or the sources that I've learned from. In a way, learning comes as natural to me as being socially proficient comes to most NTs, or waterbreathing comes to fish.

Wishing you the best.

I am relatively happy without love, but I remember the times when I had it, and those were some of the happiest days of my life. I just wish I could go back and experience it again, that feeling of being wanted by another person, but it doesn't look like that will ever happen.



The job is not so much a matter of happiness as it is a matter of not being a lazy bum with no life.



I don't care about my family's love. I despise the fact that I still live with my parents, and I'm tired of being a mommy's boy at 21. As for friends, no one seems interested in forming a friendship with me, and I don't know how to initiate one. It seems the only time anyone is really interested in being my "friend" is when they want something from me, e.g. money, drugs, or some other material thing. For now I'm just focusing on working, studying, and indulging in my personal hobbies and interests, because that's all I can seem to gain any real meaning from at this point.

I'm curious though. I know you mentioned in another thread being into eastern philosophy, whether mindfulness or buddhism. Which do you think it is? Your efforts with eastern exercises in mind discipline more, natural disposition more, or perhaps both equally?


Well... you could be me - a mommy's boy at 31.

Seriously I did move out at 26, my parents fought to keep me around actually rather than the inverse, had a great few years of renting at a party house my friend owned, he saw either sale or foreclosure coming, and I'm back just because I'm 10 minutes from work. I guess I know enough guys who are successful or even charismatic still at home to realize that its perhaps one thing if you work at Taco Bell and blow you're paychecks on pot and video games, another if you already have a degree, a good job, and you're taking advantage of lower rent, helping your parents out financially, and the ability to save.... or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Happy for 5 minutes? Sounds like me when I'm fapping.

5 minutes isn't enough. You have to do it for longer than that. There was a time when my life really sucked, but I convinced myself that I was in fact doing well. And you know what? A few months later, I was right.

I beg your pardon, techstep. Which do I think what is?

I'm confused...

Me too, could you perhaps rephrase your question?

ROFL, I see exactly what happened. I saw a quote that I wanted to grab but I grabbed the wrong one entirely. Meant to ask that question against this:

no problem.

Yes, that would be a factor of my 'eastern' practices/philosophy. I think anyone who follows the practices could be liberated from a lot of desire and suffering.

That's not to say I'm completely immune from occasionally feeling like I could use more friends, more money, a job, a lover. etc. It's a work in progress. Likewise, I wouldn't complain if I had those things. But at the moment they are not my life's priority.

I try my best to transmit these values, but I they are quite hard to comprehend from within a standard western mental/social/cultural/philosophical framework. I've been steeped in the philosophy (mainly Buddhism) and practices for so long, I've forgotten what I was like before I started.

Bridge building is so much easier for engineers.

Same here. And I have no friends. My parents always say there must be a way, so I tried and tried. But should I call it quits at a certain point?

How old are you? (if you don't mind me asking)

I'm glad to see your parents are encouraging. My dad seems to think I don't need friends and insists that my family is the apex of my social life. My mom's a lot more understanding though.

I don't think it's possible to "call it quits", I find myself going on hiatus once in a while but I invariably go back to trying - I can't help it.

been there, done that, bought the t-shirt (almost bought the farm)