have you ever been a target of a PUA (pick-up artist)?

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It's my survival strategy since being myself was never accepted in my childhood and being taught what 'correct' behaviour was, I am not saying this makes it ok but it made me to what I am now. I can be myself now, but only with certain people I know well since people even now don't seem to accepting. So to the outside world I am what I want them to see (not perfect yet, but mastering it in time).

The reason I can describe this behaviour is because I do it myself (within bounds of my conscience) and can see other people do this.

I am currently working on building and maintaining social contacts since my general distrust is preventing me from having more friends and close contacts.

I've experienced that (I think).

A guy came up to me and made sexual overtures towards me in a club (it was closing and the music was off). I pushed him away and tried to give him a very verbal clear no.

Me: "I'm not interested"
Him: "So"
Me: "That means I'm not attracted to you"
Him: "So"
Me: "I have a boyfriend and am well satisfied by him" (a lie because I was single at the time)
Him "Well, he's not here"
Me: "buzz off insect" (derisive tone)
Him: "That's rude"

I realise the "buzz off insect" was rude but at this point I was scared s**tless and didn't want to show it. He left me alone after that but I was scared that he'd try something. I would guess that this guy was just a jerk and not a PUA though.

In those types if situations, I've usually resorted to threats of violence.

mmm...can you describe the body language involved between you and him please.

Last edited by cdfox7 on 05 Jun 2011, 6:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have and it's not cool. Luckily we didn't date for very long as he cheated on me with a girl that was willing to put out. We kinda did a friends with benefits thing after that. The thing that gets me is, I can tell a difference between when he was dating me and when we were FWB. He definitely was applying PUA stuff when we were dating. Lots of compliments, enchanting words, all ended up being hollow. He's a lot more honest (I think) now that we're not together. I pity him. The girl he cheated on me for is pregnant with another man's child while still living in my ex's house. He can't get a second look from girls these days. He admitted to me that he deserved it all and I could tell that he really meant it. In a moment of weakness he admitted to me that he manipulated me and I have every right to hate him. Now I don't know if that was another PUA move to stay in my good graces or what. Basically, he applied them earlier and even if he stopped using them, I'm always going to question his motives. :/

Once. Way long ago in the dark ages when I was single, my ancient computer got the KAK virus. I didn't know what to do. I'd had this acquaintance who knew how to fix computers so I called him. He agreed to fix my computer like it's no big deal. Of course he'll be the hero. But he wanted to take me out to dinner first. So we went out to dinner and he insisted on paying, said it was an honor to have the opportunity to get to know me better so he wanted to treat... then if that sappiness didn't give you a cavity, he added that I could buy him lunch to keep it even. I was dumb dumb dumb so I thought this was just all kinds of wonderful. We get back to my place where he's going to fix my computer. He sees that there's the KAK virus on it, does some stuff, says that he needs to pick up something from his work to be able to fix it so he'll get that done tomorrow. So, since things have been so cool and he's still going to fix my computer (he's totally the hero who's got it all under control), we watch a couple movies and chat. He says crap about the stars, about the future, about all the things he wants to take me to do. All the while he's making his moves... moves that I now can identify like a playbook. Anyway, he makes his moves, I'm totally smitten. We do it twice and he's got to go because we both have work in the morning.

Never called me. Never answered my email. Never returned my call. Never came over again. Never fixed my computer.

I ended up figuring out how to eradicate the KAK virus from my computer myself.

What's really rotten about that one-night-stand is that he could've told me it was just a one-night-stand and I would've been fine with it because I wanted him. I'd had one-night-stands before. I was a sexually active young woman. I would not have slept with him more than once, anyway. He made this saliva-like sucking/hissing sound. I can't stand saliva-like sounds. So it was really annoying to be with him because every time he liked something, he'd make that sound. But, even though I would not have been with him again, I still would have appreciated the honesty, as opposed to being mislead and my computer not even getting fixed!! !

First of all, the "buzz off insect" was not rude. Don't allow him to make you feel guilty for defending yourself. Next, if that's a Pick Up Artist, it's the paint-by-number version of one. There's no finesse or art in how he acted. He was rude and bullish and his capacity for discussion resembled that of a defiant toddler. Finally, getting away from that person was extremely smart. Good on ya!

PUA Case Study Analysis Part 1

If you don't mind am going to use this as a case study to look at this situation from the perspectives of Neuro-linguistic programming and Hypnotherapy. Hun,If I need more info eg. answers to questions its you choice to answer them if you wish in thread, via PM or keep the answers to yourself.

I will add footnotes to reference my comments with the case study

• (1)The Seduction community started out around about that time.
  PUA is centred around Ross Jeffries' Speed Seduction, which as had taken ideas from both NLP and Hypnosis.
• (2)The relationship situation you where in at the time was an ideal opportunity for P to do what he did & also do his homework about you to prep himself for that sitaution.

• (1)Again a combo of opportunity and advanced knowledge about your social network.
• (2)Alcohol can help in achieving an altered state of consciousness along with other things
• (3)Sounds like the use of rapport building techniques.
  More details might help point out what P did specifically to get you into trance.
• (4)P did his homework about you, that's for sure!!
• (5)I need more details please that sounds like you were in trance.
• (6)All I say about that in public is this representational systems (I'll talk to you about that more in PM)

Hun the more details that you can remember about the event the better, as I do wish to look at this from the areas of rapport, the use of the Milton model, submodalities and Ericksonian hypnosis.

wow, he went the whole 9 yards. and didn't follow through on his basic promises either. you know, all of us on this thread who became victims are highly intelligent women, just like the women who saw through it. it's like all the smarts in the world didn't prepare us for that.

that is fascinating that you got to see his two personas (personae? whatever), which gave you a perspective that most of us would not experience... as well as seeing his eventual downfall.

I think its because you hope to find a guy that is good. PUAs sometimes pretend this to get your attention and slowly change it to change your thoughts.

Yes, I think so. This also means that he had very low self-esteem because he didn't realize he could have just said, "I find you very attractive and would like to spend the night with you. How do you feel?" and that would have saved him a dinner and the whole aggravation over not actually fixing my computer. He believed he had to do a whole mating dance to get laid. Poor thing.

No, i think its mostly he had it made out on his guideline how to do it. If he would have just met you normally he may have percieved you wanted him.

He was already an acquaintance. We were familiar with each other. I already had his cell number and email, and he had mine. I wasn't a stranger he picked up in a bar.

Edit to add: And guys typically know that I want them when I want them. I'm a cool lie but my eyes always tell the truth. The point is whether or not a guy can accept that he is correctly perceiving that I want him... but after they know for sure, they realize they already knew it.

I never said he was. But he just had this idea of "this is what you have to do to get in a girls pants", when you clearly wanted him

wow, that is a freaking amazing analysis! i can't thank you enough for taking the time to do this for us.

i will answer anything you ask, if i can recall it. my experience is "out there" for anyone to read, so i don't mind clarifying at all.


that worked really well.


amongst some mutual 'friends', there was often a focus at that time on stuff they called "mindgames", but it went beyond the regular headgames of dating. they focused on having some kind of control over other people by keeping them sort of confused and off-balance, and making suggestions that the people eventually follow. i had forgotten all about that - not sure if it is relevant.


i never imagined he had preplanned anything, but it makes perfect sense. he had met me in passing weeks before if i recall correctly, which slipped my mind when i met him again that night. he would have felt very much in control and somehow winning to acquire his coworker's ex-girlfriend for a night - the closest he could probably get to stealing me away. in a sense, it was an act that was probably designed to embarrass both me and H.


yes, i agree. in retrospect, he would have known all about me. and i opened the door further by telling him about my own artistic aspirations.


yeah. i forgot this until now, but he didn't drink at all that night. people teased him for that, but he didn't seem to care.


it's been too long... i think the details are long gone. the bar was loud, but i don't remember him ever shouting. he sat close to me and whispered in my ear. i can remember the feeling of his warm breath on my ear, and that he touched me very gently. i think he told me i was beautiful, which is something that i shallowly wanted very much to hear.

after we did some background talking about our lives, it all became about the current moment. like, less talking and more... experiencing. slow dancing, touching, whispering.


i think it was geared towards certain women of my "type" at the time. we liked boys who dressed like him in my circle.


later on in the night, he complimented me, but he started out sort of aloof and distant, so i had to lean towards him and try to impress him with my knowledge and my attractiveness. he smiled and laughed, but not a big grin or loud laughter. soft and intimate, sort of inviting me to try harder.


ok.


that's all i can remember unless you have other specific questios.