Proof that aspies can have successful relationships

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Except your fate? That depends on what you've done to improve your lot. How much therapy have you received? Have you joined any AS support groups in your area? Have you worked on improving things about yourself? That you have misogynistic views isn't, and never will be, the fault of women. That choice is entirely yours to make.

idk maybe after years of ridicule and failure, you lose the will to keep trying

Last edited by MR20 on 26 Aug 2011, 5:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, yes she's filthy rich.

She picks up her bf with a private jet.

Looks like we're double teaming this thread Erisad.

Gay dating's dynamics would be too different than the Straight dating's dynamics. They can't even be compared as equivalents, I mean...hello? We are talking about a man seeking women vs man seeking men? I am not denying your effort, but bare in mind that the 2 cases are very different.

Besides, gays are usually more liberal and open than the rest of the populations, and their dedicated places (ie gay bars..) would help a lot. Even if they are a minority, they usually have a sense of community and supportive to each others because they know what the other goes through in society , that make them closer to each others.

Like AS community, but Aspies are far more geographically scattered.

It's easy for you to lecture those guys, but keep in mind that even you have admitted that you were miserable when you are attempting to date the opposite sex years ago.

You know, maybe things would had remained the same to you if you were really straight and you would be probably nagging today with MR20 instead of lecturing, or maybe not, but both are possible, you can never know.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 26 Aug 2011, 5:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It's your wench garb that does it.

Dude, i'm still a virgin...my longest relationship lasted a month and half, four weeks of which consisted of me babysitting the woman's son so she could, unbeknownst to me, date her bff. I have failed. Failed spectacularly. And I think I've been on this planet longer than you...and perhaps many of you here on WP. But as mentioned in another thread, that failure has slowly built confidence. It's paradoxical, I know. But its true. I've been through 4 years of therapy, going twice a week! I only quit because I lost my last steady job. As soon as I get another gig, I'll be back to sessions. I've began eating healthy. I had a membership to the Y and was exercising, but now just exercise on my own. I was doing all these things...not to impress or win over anyone. I did them for me, and will continue to do them for ME.

Your response here tells me that you've given up trying because there was no external reward, no validation from some outside source. To that I say, screw outside validation! Do these things for YOU. Do them because things like exercise and eating right are healthy for YOU. Join clubs, not to meet people (although that will happen), but because you enjoy doing the activities. All of these things help generate a positive aura. Do them because you hate feeling miserable. Unless being miserable has become comforting to you (and I've even been there too), in which case you have to ask yourself why is being miserable comforting? Is it the security? Is it the routine, or lack of change?

in bold

It's quite clear you missed my points entirely, and are bound and determined to find any excuses, no matter what anyone says to you, to live in misery. Myself, I found excuses to live life, and not blame others.

I will say this one last thing...there is affordable mental health care out there. The program I started with was doctorate training program where graduating psychotherapists from UCLA, in conjunction with professional mentors, would take on patients at a very reduced cost. (The only reason I don't return to that program is because my current therapist is really good, and I'd prefer to work with her).

U mad?



The bf hasn't seen me in my wench garb yet. He will whenever we go to faire and/or for the Halloween party we're going to. ^.^



Apparently so.

I have got no therapy; nor will I have it, because I am too stable in psychiatric sense. Antidepressiva in a low doses has been refused for the same reason. I could consider an AS or PDD/NOS support group, but the most of the single autistics already accepted their fate for a long time. They know that women won't want them. Maybe they are not interested in doing something about it. Maybe there are no groups where they can get support, who knows? I try to get a course about social skills, but that can be tough if you are not treated for a psychiatric disease.

About misogynism, there must be causes that some men (and even women) are misogynistic. For everything I do and think, there is a reason or cause. In case of misogynism, it is the bad way girls and women treat me, and nowadays, lack of interest or being unclear with signals when they are really interested.

Basically, "this doesn't apply to me because I'm a special case".
You're ignoring all the straight success stories, of course. I think mine's the only same-sex success mentioned in this thread.



You've never been on the gay scene. Some are nice, but there are also a lot of bitchy queens. Even bisexuals struggle to gain acceptance sometimes. And if you're a racial minority or disabled, good luck on the scene.

Actually, my success really started when I discovered the clubbing circuit wasn't all there was. Pubs and clubs are really terrible places to meet people, and I don't even enjoy them as pubs and clubs.



"Those" guys. You exclude yourself already!



This is true. If I were straight, I'm not sure what I'd be doing now, but the key point is not that I'm gay but that I learnt to keep trying. I had my heart broken several times. I was taken advantage of. I wondered if I'd ever get anywhere. But I kept trying. I'd like to think I'd have done the same if I were straight.

You've given up, people. You've decided it's too late to try again, that you can't succeed, that it's all over. At 45, I'm pretty sure you WILL fail miserably if you're using dating techniques for teenagers! If at first you don't succeed, try something else - quit the bar scene (that stinks anyway), consider what you have to offer, rethink what you're looking for. The perfect woman does not exist, so lower your standards. Don't go looking for a long-term relationship from the start, because that will just put women off - these need to develop over time. Look for a short term fling instead. If it'll work out, it'll turn long term. If not, move on.

Dating is a weird game in which the rules are unclear, there's no clear scoring system and the players are after different things. Don't bother trying to win - you can't - but you haven't lost until you quit. Instead, remember what games are for - having fun. So you're starting late - it just means you need a different strategy. You think no-one else has ever joined (or rejoined) the dating scene in their forties? You've not got the youth card to play, but you've got life experience, and (hopefully) a stable home/career, both of which make you an interesting prospect. If you can control the more antisocial aspects, your AS can be a point of interest rather than a problem. If you can't, it's damn well time you learned.

All this said, I'm expecting you'll still say none of this applies to you, and then you'll give me a list of excuses.

If you're including me in that category then you're wrong.

I don't go to pubs/clubs nor I have impossible or perfect woman standards. You simply don't know me, so don't put everyone in your imaginary basket. You want to judge people, name them.

As for "seek a fling first, it'll turn long term" , in fact, that's what the teen boys usually do (and yet you were criticizing 'techniques for teenagers'). I am not sure if this applies well on the straight adult dating scene, I don't think many women would tolerate that idea, but all the straight relationships I've witnessed didn't start like this.

Too stable in a psychiatric sense? By whose determination? Therapists deal in a wide range of treatments...some of it is specifically geared toward behavior modification, others use psychotherapy.

And yes, there is a cause of misogyny. That doesn't mean you lack choice in being such. Just like there's a cause for lung cancer -- cigarettes. You have a choice not to smoke. In the same way you can make a choice not to be misogynistic. But the cause isn't the fault of the entirety of women. The cause is with you.

My former psychologist and my "sleeping" psychiatrist think that I am psychiatrically healthy. This means, that I have no psychiatric diseases. Except from this area, I don't feel being psychiatrically ill. For this reason they don't see why I would need therapy or medications. Generally therapy or medications are considered, when the person is a danger for him-/herself or for his/her environment. The rules seem to be strict in the Netherlands. No therapy, no medication if the person doesn't scare the environment or himself. I only have problems on this area, not on other areas.


I think, you cannot compare misogyny with the decision to smoke. The cause of misogyny came from outside. The cause of lung cancer is your own faulty decision to smoke (I actually still don't get it, why people smoke, and cause severe troubles to themselves). Again, misogyny is a (deviant) thinking behaviour, lung cancer is a very severe physical condition. Methinks, you cannot compare these two things with eachother. A to-tal-ly different situation.

The cause of misogyny can either be cultural influence, or blaming them for self's failure, or both.