02 Oct 2011, 2:42 am
02 Oct 2011, 6:15 am
02 Oct 2011, 8:39 am
seoulgamer wrote:
Grisha, have you considered the possibility that you might be a little too desperate to enter another relationship?
From my brief time here on WrongPlanet, I've gathered that you were married once before divorcing a woman you found intolerable. Forty-four is obviously a little late to be on the 'market' for dates, so to speak-but then again, you hardly want to end up with a relationship that failed the way your last marriage did, right?
What I'm saying is that you might be trying to rush this too much. And that's all very well for me to say-after all, if I was your age, I would likely feel worried that I might never meet someone again too. But at this stage, I'd say it would be well worth it not to sweat it too much about the women who reject you. If you do end up with someone in a relationship again, it should be with someone accepting enough that they won't care about the small stuff that others overlook you for. I think I can speak for most of the contributors to this thread that such a person would find you to have plenty to offer as a partner.
However, if you're all in a panic about being alone, that can give off a vibe that makes women uncomfortable. Of course, if someone told me that I was too 'desperate', I'd feel all stressed out trying to seem less desperate, but that's not what I'm suggesting you do. I'm suggesting that you try and just enjoy the dates you do get-relax and have fun with the woman you're with, and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.
You might never find the partner of your dreams, it's true. But it's not worth settling for anything less than someone who accepts you for you. We all have to make an effort with
the rules of dating and flirting, but beyond that you shouldn't have to be jumping hoops for a woman who really cares about you.
And try to enjoy the things you love to do and make them the focus of your life-you said you were going on a hiking trip to see some tarantulas earlier in the thread, I recall. Those kinds of things that you take the time to enjoy will make you happier than any number of mediocre dates. Again, all very well for me to say 'don't worry about the whole relationship dilemma', but there really is no value in struggling for acceptance, it has to come naturally from the other person once you make an effort with your side of the getting-to-know-yous.
By the way, probably not a good idea to make your wealth one of your main 'selling points'
to your dates. I'm sure you probably don't, but the last thing a man as sensitive about this stuff as you are needs is a golddigger!
Anyway, to avoid making this a 'too long, didn't read' kind of post, I just have one more thing to say-there's nothing 'wrong' with you, Grisha-just that things like relationships really can't be rushed, they either happen when they happen or they don't. While the absence of a woman in your life will always leave you feeling a little lonely, are you going to allow it be be a continuous source of stress? Or will you accept a relationship as a welcome addition to an already content life, if or when it does come?
That's just my opinion on the matter.
From my brief time here on WrongPlanet, I've gathered that you were married once before divorcing a woman you found intolerable. Forty-four is obviously a little late to be on the 'market' for dates, so to speak-but then again, you hardly want to end up with a relationship that failed the way your last marriage did, right?
What I'm saying is that you might be trying to rush this too much. And that's all very well for me to say-after all, if I was your age, I would likely feel worried that I might never meet someone again too. But at this stage, I'd say it would be well worth it not to sweat it too much about the women who reject you. If you do end up with someone in a relationship again, it should be with someone accepting enough that they won't care about the small stuff that others overlook you for. I think I can speak for most of the contributors to this thread that such a person would find you to have plenty to offer as a partner.
However, if you're all in a panic about being alone, that can give off a vibe that makes women uncomfortable. Of course, if someone told me that I was too 'desperate', I'd feel all stressed out trying to seem less desperate, but that's not what I'm suggesting you do. I'm suggesting that you try and just enjoy the dates you do get-relax and have fun with the woman you're with, and if it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out.
You might never find the partner of your dreams, it's true. But it's not worth settling for anything less than someone who accepts you for you. We all have to make an effort with
the rules of dating and flirting, but beyond that you shouldn't have to be jumping hoops for a woman who really cares about you.
And try to enjoy the things you love to do and make them the focus of your life-you said you were going on a hiking trip to see some tarantulas earlier in the thread, I recall. Those kinds of things that you take the time to enjoy will make you happier than any number of mediocre dates. Again, all very well for me to say 'don't worry about the whole relationship dilemma', but there really is no value in struggling for acceptance, it has to come naturally from the other person once you make an effort with your side of the getting-to-know-yous.
By the way, probably not a good idea to make your wealth one of your main 'selling points'
to your dates. I'm sure you probably don't, but the last thing a man as sensitive about this stuff as you are needs is a golddigger!
Anyway, to avoid making this a 'too long, didn't read' kind of post, I just have one more thing to say-there's nothing 'wrong' with you, Grisha-just that things like relationships really can't be rushed, they either happen when they happen or they don't. While the absence of a woman in your life will always leave you feeling a little lonely, are you going to allow it be be a continuous source of stress? Or will you accept a relationship as a welcome addition to an already content life, if or when it does come?
That's just my opinion on the matter.
Thanks for taking the time to make such a thoughtful reply
I realize that I perhaps am coming across as a bit "desperate" lately - I tend to go through cycles - I'm just coming out of (knock on wood) a particularly long and acute depressive episode which has certainly colored my thinking over the last few weeks.
Also, my ex-wife divorced me after I discovered she was having an affair, if that makes any difference.
I live alone, I have no family, I run my business out of my home so I don't have very much "live" human interaction at all on a daily basis, just e-mails, phone calls, and WP. I think I am more desperate for simple human interaction than romance, so I am taking steps to correct that.
In short, I'm feeling better now...
Thanks again!
02 Oct 2011, 10:13 am
02 Oct 2011, 10:25 am
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,341
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
02 Oct 2011, 10:31 am
02 Oct 2011, 10:36 am
02 Oct 2011, 10:38 am
02 Oct 2011, 11:15 am
02 Oct 2011, 11:23 am
blueroses wrote:
Grisha wrote:
blueroses wrote:
Glad to hear you're feeling better, Grisha. What 'corrective measures' are you taking to get more social interaction in your life? (I'm just looking for tips).
- Regular volunteer work in an area of special interest (so I have something in common to talk about)
- Attending local AS meetup groups which I have known about for some time but have never taken advantage of.
Just the stuff that NTs in my position would do, but with special consideration given to my social deficits.
I could have sworn I suggested volunteer work to you before and you'd ruled it out ... Anyhow, hope it works out for you!
I wouldn't say that I "ruled it out" - I just suppose that at the time my usual myopic outlook was focused exclusively on places to meet women, which is probably what I "ruled out".
But of course you were still right
Better late than never...
02 Oct 2011, 12:02 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,341
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
02 Oct 2011, 12:09 pm
HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
smudge wrote:
seoulgamer wrote:
By the way, probably not a good idea to make your wealth one of your main 'selling points' to your dates. I'm sure you probably don't, but the last thing a man as sensitive about this stuff as you are needs is a golddigger!
Exactly, I would only mention this much later, and the Aspergers, if you even need to mention that at all. I've known perfectly decent men who've freaked out women by revealing stuff like that (AS) too soon. By mentioning AS or your wealth that early, the ones you do attract will probably be the wrong ones.
Look who's talking.
Boo (or perhaps I should say Boo Bond),
What is the point of proliferating agitation? With all due respect, I am shocked by this. Although I am not personally familiar with the specific past exchanges to which you referred earlier in the thread, I do not see the point of clinging to the past. After all, the past is the past, isn't it?
Leslie
Yes, I am Bond, Boo Bond.
smudge said earlier that she just want a rich guy over anything. Nothing wrong with that, but I find it very weird that she would agree with seoulgamer's good advice, since wealth is the one of the most important selling points that she would seek in a guy.
02 Oct 2011, 12:26 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
smudge wrote:
seoulgamer wrote:
By the way, probably not a good idea to make your wealth one of your main 'selling points' to your dates. I'm sure you probably don't, but the last thing a man as sensitive about this stuff as you are needs is a golddigger!
Exactly, I would only mention this much later, and the Aspergers, if you even need to mention that at all. I've known perfectly decent men who've freaked out women by revealing stuff like that (AS) too soon. By mentioning AS or your wealth that early, the ones you do attract will probably be the wrong ones.
Look who's talking.
Boo (or perhaps I should say Boo Bond),
What is the point of proliferating agitation? With all due respect, I am shocked by this. Although I am not personally familiar with the specific past exchanges to which you referred earlier in the thread, I do not see the point of clinging to the past. After all, the past is the past, isn't it?
Leslie
Yes, I am Bond, Boo Bond.
smudge said earlier that she just want a rich guy over anything. Nothing wrong with that, but I find it very weird that she would agree with seoulgamer's good advice, since wealth is the one of the most important selling points that she would seek in a guy.
Hello Boo Bond,
In keeping with your status as the Lebanese Boo Bond, no doubt you grasp the following: there is no glory to be attained in calling someone out in the forums needlessly. Again, what is the point? I am certain that it is not your natural paradigm to do this because - after all- you are Boo Bond! And by definition that means you are cool. Capiche, paisan?
So, Boo Bond - how are you doing?
Leslie
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,341
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
02 Oct 2011, 12:30 pm
HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
HopefulRomantic wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
smudge wrote:
seoulgamer wrote:
By the way, probably not a good idea to make your wealth one of your main 'selling points' to your dates. I'm sure you probably don't, but the last thing a man as sensitive about this stuff as you are needs is a golddigger!
Exactly, I would only mention this much later, and the Aspergers, if you even need to mention that at all. I've known perfectly decent men who've freaked out women by revealing stuff like that (AS) too soon. By mentioning AS or your wealth that early, the ones you do attract will probably be the wrong ones.
Look who's talking.
Boo (or perhaps I should say Boo Bond),
What is the point of proliferating agitation? With all due respect, I am shocked by this. Although I am not personally familiar with the specific past exchanges to which you referred earlier in the thread, I do not see the point of clinging to the past. After all, the past is the past, isn't it?
Leslie
Yes, I am Bond, Boo Bond.
smudge said earlier that she just want a rich guy over anything. Nothing wrong with that, but I find it very weird that she would agree with seoulgamer's good advice, since wealth is the one of the most important selling points that she would seek in a guy.
Hello Boo Bond,
In keeping with your status as the Lebanese Boo Bond, no doubt you grasp the following: there is no glory to be attained in calling someone out in the forums needlessly. Again, what is the point? I am certain that it is not your natural paradigm to do this because - after all- you are Boo Bond! And by definition that means you are cool. Capiche, paisan?
So, Boo Bond - how are you doing?
Leslie
I am doing fine, Leslie. Just killing some terrorists here and there.
So red or white wine?
02 Oct 2011, 12:43 pm
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 42
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 33,341
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
02 Oct 2011, 12:44 pm
smudge wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
smudge said earlier that she just want a rich guy over anything. Nothing wrong with that, but I find it very weird that she would agree with seoulgamer's good advice, since wealth is the one of the most important selling points that she would seek in a guy.
Not over anything. I'd date a poor guy too. I just would like a rich guy, ideally. I'm sure lots of women would, but don't admit it. Besides, I'm not trying to impress anyone on here. I wouldn't dare say that sort of thing to someone IRL because people would assume I'm shallow and that I'd do anything wrong to grab myself a rich guy.
Fine.
Champagne?
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