Why don't more women make the first move?

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i totally agree.

This isn't very modest - but yes, I am, pretty much. I've read enough books on body language to be able to tell, and TBH it's not very hard.

What if their own body language is wrong?

I truly do not mean this as an insult, but an aspie saying they are an expert on reading body language (no matter how many books they have read) seems a bit odd to me.

You mean purposely?

I never said I was an expert. Attraction in body language *is* obvious. Lying isn't.

As for reading books - I've changed quite a bit as a person from reading how to read and talk to people. I'm still not as good as NTs are, but I'm not socially very clumsy like I used to be. I think reading can have a big impact, depending on what you read, and how ready you are to identify your weaknesses. My weaknesses now are really how I come across to people, not how I read them...but it's still a big weakness.

"what do you mean when you say that they don't handle it well? i haven't seen any difference between men and women in this area."

I was stupid enough pre -DX to choose Psych as my major and I work in this field.

Something that comes up fairly often at work with clients is that when women get rejected in a personal or sexual sense by a male, after a set amount of times they simply don't try again. For many of them, then they start to question their worth as a female (and if they're even attractive, sexually or otherwise) to the opposite sex.

Men seem, on average, to not take it personally enough to question that. I have seen some do so, but at nowhere near as many as the women seem to do in the same situation.

Obviously this is not fact but from experience. But of the people who walk through my office door and who are willing to talk about this issue, 70 % or so of women start to question their worth when placed in this situation repeatedly whereas for men it's about 20% or maybe less.

The running joke around my social circle amongst the guys is "If you reject her for sex (that she has initiated) on 3 occasions or more, she's not going to initiate again".

Last edited by Kjas on 29 Feb 2012, 3:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

no..... both men and women are pretty much equally likely to take rejection badly (or well). it seems to be an individual thing, not a gender thing. our society is not geared towards women being aggressors, soit stands to reason some women would stop doing it - it's just not really socially acceptable. but most of us that take that approach don't give up.

No. Not quite.

You mean they give off the wrong impressions by say, being too intense? Otherwise, I'm not sure what you mean.

What if they have a compulsion that makes it look as though they're interested but when the thing they seek actually comes to pass, they recoil from it? You can't know that without observing their body language and preferably speaking to them.

Then perhaps this is the issue. It is entirely possible for a woman to be attracted to a man, but put off by the manner of his approach rather than the fact that he approached. So, it seems tome the reverse must be possible as well.

I don't know why these men rejected you. All I can say is that unless you've put as much effort into learning how to approach as men put in, and unless you've tried as many times as men do, you cannot claim decisively that it is gender roles that cause you to be rejected.

Last edited by mds_02 on 29 Feb 2012, 7:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I only say all this because my experience has been that women who do the approaching get overwhelmingly positive responses. For myself, and the guys I've known, the only reasons we've ever rejected women are lack of attraction or already being involved with someone.

But then, maybe that's a geographical thing. One thing the place I'm from is known for is its liberal attitudes.

that's the point, right there. men are just as likely to reject women as women are to reject men when the tables are turned, and for the same reasons.

a study that was performed with speed daters showed that when the gender roles were reversed and a comparison was done, men and women were equally picky.

Yes, that is my point exactly. Just as likely to get rejected, and for the same reasons. Not more likely because of an inherent distaste for women who do the approaching.

And again I cant say anything because I have luxury problems. How pathetic.