"Sweet" is now my least favorite word

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he would have demonstrated that he is more interested in looking at randoms than looking at me... so he can have them. he's giving me a signal of non-interest.

no, that would be fighting for a man's attention and i don't do that. if i don't get his attention from the get-go, then he doesn't really want me that much. i feel like it would lower me down a notch to beg for his scraps like that.

i would only flirt with the guys i'm interested in - not with one guy in front of another guy. that would be rude. technically, i don't flirt in real life anyways. if i want someone, i just say so. sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't.

Everyone puts a 'front' on, AS or otherwise. It's one of the things that piss me off about people. Someone can be amazing in a one on one situation, then conform to the norms of the group when others are around. It's frustrating that this is seen as an acceptable thing and you're just supposed to roll with it.

yea, but be careful to not overdo the #5 ......make sure to steer it quickly to her, play it in a way so she's the center of attention at the end. Again, by her, I don't mean a date, but a someone that you like and don't want to enter the friendzone with her (or even trying to exist it).


Btw....what's your real gender??????

There's no way I'd date such a person.

yeah, whatever, things aren't always as simple as first-sight love. Or maybe because i didn't seriously desire any of the latest prospects. =/

Hmm, I think people need to do thing rather on their terms than on the terms of the woman in question. That's usually how they get labeled sweet as in "doormat." If that makes any sense.

Oh I'm a guy.

Right. Only I doubt the elderly females are saying your a doormat when they say that you're sweet.

i think people emphasise different aspects depending on the company, to some degree or another. it's natural and i agree it is universal. i don't think it's false, i think it's necessary.

i think most people don't think that they have fronts, but it's easy to find examples. for me, i have a habit of using extremely foul language in casual settings, but when i was teaching a class of little kids i didn't curse up a blue streak. or i talk excessively about sex on WrongPlanet but i would not do that in front of my elderly aunt.

to some degree, i learned to do this over time. when i was 18 years old i wasn't good at knowing what was appropriate in different situations and i still make grave mistakes today. all the same, i think it's a matter of degree and not of kind.

You're right, it's not something people are aware of - they just snap into how they are in a group social situation. I've quizzed friends and girlfriends about it in the past and what I've been told is 'It's just me, but dialed up to 11'. I've also had girlfriends who've said they felt they could be 'themselves' with me and friends say they like a particular girl they're with because they can be 'themselves' with them and when quizzed the 'front' comes up as a common description.
I get what you're saying, though. There are behaviours associated with certain roles and we 'act' different roles throughout the day. 'Me at work' or 'Me at home' etc. Personally, I've never had much of a problem behaving correctly in certain situations, although one incident definitely springs to mind, when a priest was visiting a friend's mother and I tried to impersonate someone speaking Portugese backwards to give the indication of being posessed. That didn't go down well, but I do have a bit of a stupid sense of humour that's got me in trouble a lot.

The advice to ignore is a pretty fickle one within itself.

It also shows the worst in people if they respond to such ignorance.

I understand the logic behind it, but it's usually executed badly (especially with us as we do it wrong anyway).

The "sweet" word isn't really what is annoying guys, it's the execution of it that is bothersome.

I'd rather a girl be honest with me then use that wildcard...since it's a covered up way of saying they are not interested...if they actually tell me this then I will respect them much more.

Speaking of which I remember a girl I liked at my band but she said really stupid things that put me off of her...especially the "Don't date guys with Aspergers, it never works", that made my blood boil since she dated a guy with Aspergers but apparently he "Praised his Skateboard like a religion", which is something someone who is ignorant of the condition would probably think all their life.

Although she was nice to me and me in return to her, her stupidness in what she says makes me wonder how I even liked her now.

Oh yeah, she used the sweet card on him she told me too...I don't think he was bothered too much....but then again, I wouldn't know. I kind of blurted to her that she wouldn't date me then but she seemed oblivious in what I said.

/small rant over

This is so true. In many instances I have had to practically bang girls over the head with the fact that I found them attractive, otherwise they would misread my romantic/sexual interest (which often was expressed as fascination with their creative minds) as just friendship. When my feelings finally became crystal-clear, then they would withdraw.

ValentineWiggin: I can totally understand what happened with those guys finding you "too sweet". In my experience, quite a few aspie girls are that way. By "too sweet" I don't mean lack of meanness, and I certainly don't mean unthreatening. What I mean is that they are not passionate or intense/"fired up" about anything, or at least if they are passionate it doesn't show, in talking fast or having lots of ideas to share. Along the same lines, they don't project much sexual tension. I don't understand being sexually attracted to threatening people--it seems natural to like soft, nubile bodies of both sexes--but someone who is full of "zing" is very enticing.

It's very possible to be passionate, ambitious, and even a bit of an egomaniac while still being "sweet", it just means one doesn't base his or her ego or ambition on social things, especially being able to treat others meanly. Unfortunately, this combination of being ambitious and excitable--sexually and otherwise--while still being respectful and even socially simple/naive is too rare in women.

I think TechnoDog is onto something here:

Those women I'm most attracted to project an emotional state that's like a middle-schooler, even though they are of adult age.

I guess it must be the sexual thing, then. I've no shortage of passion about a ton of issues, and have had people tell me I'm fascinating to talk to- maybe I'm confusing "sweet" with "dull". But yeah, I don't project anything remotely sexual and tend to be quite deferential in dating or relationship situations. I get asked if I'm religious a lot.


That really does describe me. My mom says I've the intellect of a professor and the emotional development of a little girl. Which is fine when you are a little girl, or even when society used to value "innocence" in a woman. But now it's all hypersexualized.

from another recent thread

Yeah, I guess. I tend to think of "sex appeal" in terms of dress- I do dress in a feminine way, but I don't guess that equals "sexy"...
and that it's more than one's clothes? I dunno. I do know from a very helpful, albeit mean-spirited text that I got once after a bad date that I don't respond properly to attempts at flirting- usually because it involves non-literal communication or euphemisms.

"I'm freezing."
"Well maybe we could head back to my place and I could warm you up?"
"Okay. I'll pay you back on the electric bill."

I never take it as a insult for being called a "sweet guy" it's the female side of me that hates being called sweet when I am looking to date a guy I don't go for sweet guys I want a bad boy but I tend to put girl's in the friend zone for being sweet some times most of the time I date girl's that I am already close to.