The problem with letting a woman know you care about looks

Post Reply New Topic

Fail miserably by what standard? If by that they are emotionaly traumatized that everyone they went to wasnt immediatly glad and loving to them, then i have to say congratulations on knowing what its like being a guy. Having to go through dozens and hundreds of girls looking for not just one that is right but also one that will give you a chance is MUCH harder than it sounds.

Let me guess, you're south american?

I know you all think that the alpha males get all the women, but there are scientists actually studying why beta men actually do better marrying than alpa men. Somewhere there must be a statistict to that effect, that beta men are actually more successful with women than alpha men, and in my personal observation I would agree.

I know alpha men attract a lot of women, but what you guys aren't seeing is if they manage to keep any of them.

The alpha male on the show who made the fat comments: handsome, yes, but not someone the women I know are swooning over, and now that he has opened his mouth he is considered highly unattractive. There are big swoons, however, for the quirky funny beta type guy some people think wins the show. Women seem to run hot and cold with him, so if you are only hearing what you expect to hear you'll get the wrong impression, and maybe that is what happens in real life, too: you hear the women who says, "he's too nerdy for me" and miss the three others who are already in deep crush.

A matter of opinion.

In terms of who holds power societally, it's apparent that women are not men's equals at all.
A meaningful conversation about what "choice" means would involve the consequences of opting out of social norms,
and, I said, those costs tend to be very high.

An odd standard to hold any society to, that not of women being men's equals practically, but not as bad as OTHER society's treatment of them.

You seem to have a lot of vitriol, personally, to dare lecture me as a vagina-owner on what I should consider myself lucky for, for the egregious offense of having disagreed with you.

I have seen some that have tried to do it here only to go through dozens (possible over 100 from a couple) who wouldn't give them a chance because they broke the key rule and approached the guy first. For most of the guys, it put them off in a huge way.

Of course, you know I am.

I can only speak for myself.
I date geeks/nerds/whatever you want to call a "bottom rung" male in whatever en vogue "ranking" bullshittery is now popular with the PUA crowd, almost exclusively (two of my exes took off work when a recent video game came out) and NONE of these men had any shortage of dating experience. Most are Aspie-ish, and very few are socially-adept. Someone's dating the men who aren't the archetypal macho kind, maybe it's just not women certain men notice?

Well it's obviously not the bottom rank, given that "NONE of these men had any shortage of dating experience." You may see them as a bit awkward and geekish, but that doesn't mean they lack social status. They may not be at the top of the pile but they're quite obviously a long way from the bottom, and they are socially adept enough that they don't have "any shortage" of dating experience. So we're not really talking about the same problem here.

VW: I think MXH's point was that he doesn't see many of the women here who are doing the complaining, they don't appear to be trying to come up with those ingenious alternatives or trying to work around them.

It's more like they are complaining but they're not actually acting on it or trying anything new, not seeking to find a way around it.

I think all of us agree that society places stupid and unfair expectations on genders, but it shouldn't stop those of either gender from seeking a way around them.

I felt I should add my two cents, which is probably worth even less than two pennies, but here goes.

First, I am attracted to women initially by their appearance. (I don't have a physical "type". I have been attracted to women of all shapes and sizes.) I cannot appreciate their intellect, their talents, their curiosity or their sense of humor from across the room. That attraction does not last long if I find out this person isn't very smart, is mean spirited or has beliefs which I find repellent.

The fact is, women do the same thing. I saw an experiment in which college students were fitted with eye glasses with special low intensity lasers which tracked exactly where the wearer was looking. Not surprisingly in a social situation (I think it was at a bar) young men were looking at women's body parts. Of course, when young women wore the glasses, it was discovered they were checking the guy's butts and crotches out. All of the women denied they did this, but the proof was there on the videotape.

There is a fallacy that women like smart, funny, sensitive men. All women say that. I'm not saying it isn't true, it is just not true in my experience. Most of the women friends I know have crude, unintelligent jerks for husbands.

As for myself, I have been described as smart, creative, funny and nice. My appearance is not very memorable, but my BMI is about where it should be. I've been continuously employed since my mid 20's, and while I have a temper, people rarely see it. I am 51 years old and have never been married, I have had only one "serious" relationship. I don't go around complimenting women for having an nice rack or complaining they have a big ass. I'm the guy women want their girlfriends to date. They wouldn't consider dating me themselves (and neither would their girlfriends). I am the epitome of a Beta male and I will most likely die alone.

I think the thread the OP was referring to was titled "What Physical Characteristic Do You Find Most Attractive in Women?" This was an invitation for men to be shallow, and many of the comments were. Those that said intelligence or sense of humor or whatever were reminded the thread was about physical characteristics, and told to stay on topic. How else could they be anything but shallow?

I think the Aspergian men who have difficulty with the opposite sex do not act in a crude and shallow manner. I think they do not act in a traditionally masculine fashion, and in this society (and most societies), that won't cut it with women. There are exceptions, of course, which undoubtedly someone will point out.

I'm a man. I've known many men. I can say without reservation we are scum. I think, deep down, most men know this. If they didn't, they wouldn't be so protective of their daughters and their wives in the presence of other men. But women are scum too. To borrow a phrase, "different but not less."

As a liberal, tree hugging feminist male, I will most likely regret posting this in about an hour. I have been conditioned well. But I am sick and tired of being told by women that men just like me are what women are looking for, when it is simply not true.

@MHX
condescending gifs don't make your argument any stronger

And neither are condescending messages suggesting that im a sexist. But atleast mine involved chocolates

nobody needs to make that suggestion for you

So you're saying i am a sexist then

Or, women could start taking a more active role in the dating game? *GASP*

I dont think its so easy to blart out and blame men on this problem. Last i checked we arent the ones that spend 30+ minutes a day pampering ourselves to impress the opposite sex. Women have allowed this sort of behavior to occur. Most men dont even know what a woman looks like without her makeup. If you want to end this sort of crap behavior you cant blame the other side into changing, your side has to take the charge. I know you and the 4 other girls that always do will make 3 pages of rants and find ways to blame some "patriarchy" on everything but fact of the matter is I see women enforcing the stereotypes against them every day. Should they exist? Hell no, especially since theyre things that men experience too. Every guy that says women cant drive probably wouldnt know what a turn signal was if it was flashing at him.

I'm saying your posts are displaying attitudes that are ignorant / result of an empathy fail at best, sexist/misogynist at worst.

I don't know anything about you as a person beyond that.