Why do nt women leave and some don't?

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edgewaters
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02 Jul 2012, 3:21 pm

1000Knives wrote:

edgewaters wrote:

Yeah, there's problems in relationships. Not exactly a revelation there. I don't buy into the 0% chance of happiness pessimism you're peddling here though. People can have complementary strengths and weaknesses. Doesn't always work that way, but so what. No pain no gain. Never find out if you just hide from it.

Well it seems the chance at happiness is under 50%, statistically anyway. With 50% of marriages ending in divorce and all.

Divorce doesn't mean that the whole marriage was unhappy from start to finish. It could well have been very happy for many years, and often is. So half the time an unhappy event occurs at some point ... so what? It doesn't mean what came before was always unhappy, and nothing lasts forever. If we were immortal, the divorce rate would approach 100%. The only reason it doesn't is because we die before it can.

You can hope for death before divorce, but I'm not sure that it's preferable.

tarantella
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02 Jul 2012, 3:47 pm

Yeah, "happiness" and "forever" needn't be synonymous when it comes to relationships. Hell, I am not exactly going to be happy if my husband passes away before I do (quite likely to happen he is male and six years older than I am). I will be devastated, just like I will if something bad happens in our relationship and we have to call it quits. All good things come to an end, and many endings are sad, but it doesn't mean the thing was never good or worth having.

ozman
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03 Jul 2012, 1:33 am

My wife just toldme she is seeing our councillor by herself. Not sure if that is good or bad for me?

WorriedWife
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03 Jul 2012, 1:52 am

Me - I would see that as a positive thing -

WW

ozman
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03 Jul 2012, 2:04 am

WorriedWife wrote:

Me - I would see that as a positive thing -

I guess the councillor might be looking at how my as impacts on her. I think her brief is to try and get us back together, not break us up, unless one person wants that at all cost.

again_with_this
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03 Jul 2012, 7:48 am

AScomposer13413 wrote:

again_with_this wrote:

I think these women make up their minds before coming to either forum.

I don't think the bold part's completely accurate, as I remember an exception where one poster came here for sympathy, but lashed out as most of the posts she got happened to be Aspies giving her advice.

Actually, she had made up her mind. She just came to the wrong forum.

again_with_this
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03 Jul 2012, 7:58 am

ozman wrote:

My wife just toldme she is seeing our councillor by herself. Not sure if that is good or bad for me?

Would you consider seeing the councilor by yourself as well? Not saying you should, yet. Just wondering if you'd be open to doing the same or if you see it as a bad thing for only one spouse to be there.

ozman
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03 Jul 2012, 6:09 pm

I am seeing her myself the next day would u believe

again_with_this
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04 Jul 2012, 1:46 am

ozman wrote:

I am seeing her myself the next day would u believe

That's a good step. Try asking the therapist what she thinks your wife is feeling and how receptive your wife might be towards reconciliation. Let us know how it goes, wish you the best.

ozman
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04 Jul 2012, 4:26 am

Will do.. I'm betting the answer will be I don't know at this stage or a worse response

AspieOtaku
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05 Jul 2012, 4:29 pm

Now a days I decided to be more open about it. If a woman doesn't want me because I am an aspie oh well, I am what I am, take it or leave it, if they are going to judge me before they know me its their loss, I am tired of having to keep it a secret just to make relationships work. Some NT women didn't care and were understanding, others after finding out wouldn't want to see me again thinking I would be extra emotional baggage and high maintainence or take advantage of it, and use me as a boy toy and leave. I just dont understand why NTs tend to not get that I am in a way just like everyone else sure I may be abit quirky, repeatative, hyperactive, and overly explanitory on interesting subjects but I am still a highly functional human being, I am not ret*d, I am not handicapped, I am not a robot ,and I have emotions. Sorry if this may be kind of a rant. I just wish everyone could understand ya know?

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alessi
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07 Jul 2012, 3:10 am

I have heard a lot of stories where someone gets a terrible illness, like cancer or something, and the partner leaves them. Apparently females are slightly more likely to stick around if you become ill. Males are not likely to stick around.

So you need to have a plan in place, for if you become ill or seriously injured. You will most likely have to manage it on your own.

ozman
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07 Jul 2012, 6:50 pm

I've heard that also but AS is not an illness. Communication is all it takes. I am so cranky that I found out I have as and my wife leaves, pathetic and shows her lack f commitment

ozman
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07 Jul 2012, 7:57 pm

sweetcakes wrote:

I agree, its so complex. I used go to Al-Anon meetings hoping against hope that my man would see the light and get sober. (which they rarely do- by the way) and I noticed something I thought was really weird- a woman or man would put up with YEARS/DECADES of RIDICULOUS suffering, pain, and or abuse from their alcoholic partner. Finally, when the partner finally gets sober and starts living this fantastic (usually AA) life, the co-alcoholic FLIPS out, freaks out, desperately seeks therapy, obsessively
Does this help? I'm not really providing any answers, just a more fully explained parallel. Also, there does come a time in a person's life where they've just had it- they cant take it any more, no matter how weird or bad the timing seems, they passed some personal, perhaps unconscious- point of no return and it's JUST TOO LATE. We've prob all been there ourselves in one way or another....

I would hope that it is never to late but maybe I am a optimist. Otherwise I may of well just file for divorce now

League_Girl
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07 Jul 2012, 7:59 pm

alessi wrote:

I have also heard about how sometimes a person will all of a sudden have incontinence and their partner leaves them for it. It makes me so mad for them.

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ozman
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07 Jul 2012, 8:05 pm

BlueMax wrote:

ozman wrote:

I know Aspies are prone to depression but I have never felt that way until know. I feel very poorly and worry about myself, even though I am seeing a counsellor.
My wife has left me pure and simply because of my AS, but to me the killer comment is that I had my chances. Like I knew I had it.
I have died inside but I also feel a lot of resentment.for her inability to support me.
I used to be an outgoing popular person, now I feel like a social leper and people look at e in a different light.
For me life sucks

Many will latch on to any lame excuse to leave, blaming that when it's really something else. She wanted to leave, but it was probably for reasons that sound selfish and lame when said aloud, so AS "sounds better" when she tells the story to whoever will listen to her.

I feel for you, Ozman... I've been there and I know the pain. The good news is it lessens with time... but it's been a long time for me and it ain't gone yet.

I hate the pain.. I am worried bout myself actually.

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