How long does it take to stop obsessing?

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when you don't have much of a social circle it sucks

I find this to be bull. What would be the point of being with someone that you don't value? Never mind that everyone has at least some worth. People are not a commodity.

I have to admit I have already suspected that. Back on our first semester, when I did not talk to anybody (and therefore, could pass as a normal shy man), was not interested in her (even though I though she was attractive) and she was single, I thought I had seen her staring at me for no apparent reason. She could only be interested in talking to me because I was too isolated. Or she could really have thought that I looked good. I do not know. And it probably does not matter anymore.


I will probably feel terrible when she gets a boyfriend. Even though I am not thinking as highly of her as I was a few days ago, I would like to know what it is that apparently makes me worse than other guys.


Yeah, that is one of the reasons why I deleted my OkCupid profile. That and the fact that I did not feel comfortable trying to make small talk with a random girl I had never seen in my life.

...I really wish I were an aromantic asexual.

Anyway, I am feeling much better now. OK, not better: I am more apathetic than usual. But it is better not to feel anything at all than it is to feel bad. Her (lack of) reaction lessened whatever feelings I had for her.

Back to square one. Now that I know better, I will avoid talking to women so I will not risk falling in love with a friend.


That was a joke, by the way; I am not that bitter and I do not think I am completely hopeless.

SHE REPLIED!! !! She did not ignore me! I was not mistaken in thinking that we were friends.

Unfortunately, it is still a rejection. She apologized for the delay (she did not see my message before) and told me that she and her ex are going through a "complicated relationship". Apparently, she thinks they are back together.

As strange as it sounds, I actually feel relieved. At least her friendship seems sincere and, considering my lack of friends, I should be thankful for that.

P.S.: I promise this is the last time I bump this topic. Sorry about the last 6 pages of me whining about unrequited love.

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I am really pushing my luck: I asked her if I would have a chance under different circunstances and if she could give me her opinion about the reason why I have been single since always. Is it my weirdness or is there something else that I am not aware of?

Yeah, I know it is a really difficult question to answer, but I have been looking for an answer for this way before I even knew her. Maybe this could be a chance for me to figure out what is wrong with me?

The girl I like is too busy to answer me...no big deal, I'll live.

To answer the topic: it takes me a few days to get over a big obsession. It was worse a few years back.

well started exercising again yesterday for the first time in a while to get my mind off of these things

It depends. I feel in the case of the girl I didn't pursue that I should have, I think of it like this. I was offered a chance to like, work for Google, but didn't show up to the interview (or more like didn't show for like 3 interviews they scheduled after to make up the first one.) However, that said, I do need a job. So due to my own error, I can no longer work for Google. Worst case scenario, I work at a grocery store or a coal mine, best case, I work for... Microsoft, or Apple, or Sun Microsystems. There's ideal and best, but when you miss ideal and best, you eventually take something else or nothing at all. If I end up working for Apple, it's entirely possible I might actually enjoy Apple over Google to work for, but that doesn't change the fact of what I did with my opportunity to work for Google being a bad decision.

That is how I look at things. It's not a simple matter of "other fish in the sea" but at the same time, you have to make the best of circumstances. And at least in my failure, I hope and pray to God everyday he can make my failure work for the better. That said, you're not guaranteed your failure to work better for you, there's millions in prison that will attest to their failures not "working out" for them. Of course, generally optimism is a better attitude to have, but, realism...

Since my failure, there's certainly a lot of women I'm around that seem possibly interesting and very attractive, but none that really "knock me off my feet" like that girl I like, but as I said, you have to make the best of circumstances regardless.

That said, I'll probably be a foreveralone living in an RV in the woods completely off the grid and aiming a satellite dish at McDonalds to steal their wifi when I'm married age, so yeah.

It took me half a year to get over my ex.

OK, I believe I can safely admit that I have the answer to the question in the title of this topic. Maybe it is because I talked to her, instead of trying to bury whatever it is that I was feeling, but I am now sure that I am not obsessed anymore. Never thought a rejection would make me feel this good.

Anyway, at least in my case, considering that this was the first time I fell in love and that I am emotionally aloof, the answer is: approximatelly half a year. It will feel like six years, but once it is over, you will feel like nothing could ever put you down again. I am very happy and I did not even get the girl!

So, yeah: Cafeaulait, you win the prize!

And sunshower, you will probably get over your latest crush anytime now.

hyperlexian is right, too: even though I am not in love with her anymore, I am still very fond of her.

And MisterSpock, your "couple of months, until a serious talk through" describe perfectly what happened to me.

Seriously, if you ever find yourselves in a similar situation, SPIT IT OUT!! ! Just tell the person that you like her/him. I do not even know why, but it really works!

I would rather have loved and lost than to never have loved at all

On the other side of that, I'm not so sure... I'm as single as I was 20 years ago, but it hurts far more knowing what I lost...

And it hurts financially in some cases, too.

well I still want that experience

I'm sorry that your obsession is bothering you so much, OP. I wish I could wave a wand and make it go away for you.

Honestly, as others have pointed out, time will tell when you lose your obsession with this lady. You may not lose it completely, or it may die a natural death a few years from now. No one here can tell you.

My boyfriend (on the spectrum) was totally obsessed with someone for around 7 years, I believe. It's not my story to tell so he can come talk about it if he wants... He might have talked about it around here years ago. I'm not sure. But anyway, point is in the end his obsession with her did wane. It just took quite a while to do so.

Do not worry about it: I have lost my obsession a few days ago, when she replied my question. Since I have not been thinking about her since then, I believe I am truly over that.

...Unfortunately, this little incident made me realize that I really need a girlfriend, which is kind of implausible for me right now (and will be for a long time, I suspect).