How Not to be a Creep

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This is some of the dumbest s**t I've ever seen. The ONLY appropriate response to being made to feel uncomfortable is to tell the creeper, "You're making me really uncomfortable." Why wouldn't you say it? All of the anti-harassment stuff I've had to watch for school always told you to inform the other person of your discomfort, and I think technically you aren't supposed to be able to sue for harassment (in the general case, there are a few exceptions) if you haven't informed the offending party that it was making you uncomfortable.

If there are being creeped out, then there are two possibilities:
1) The person has hostile intentions
2) You are misinterpreting the person's intentions

If it is case #1, what difference does it make in stating your discomfort? Is that going to make him MORE hostile? That's absurd. If someone WANTS to hurt you, do you really think they are going to get offended that you are being hurt?
If it is case #2, then stating your discomfort solves the problem. Case closed.

If you don't let other people know that they are doing something that you don't like, and you still expect them to stop, then that is the same as expecting them to read your mind. That is childish. That is expecting the whole world around you to inconvenience themselves so that you don't have to be inconvenienced.

You must be really hot, right? You complain a lot about how people are creeping on you, and you seem to expect other people to do things for you that most people wouldn't dream of having done for them. Both of those seem to fit with being hot. (Being hot is a good thing btw, it just doesn't make any sense to me to try to imagine you as ugly).

Also I think it's silly to argue about whether it's worse to be called a slut or a creep because there is no logically-justifiable-objective-value-judgement. Arguing about which is worse would be like if something bad happened to two people and they argued about who felt worse about it. Value judgements take place within an individual's head and they have no way of accurately communicating them to another person.

And I think most of the discussion that takes place after this is really mean and relies on straw-men and name-calling.

^^^why does it matter if she is really good looking? do good looking people get treated worse by creepers?

In a workplace situation, saying "you are making me uncomfortable" is the right thing to do. It informs an innocent but misguided person that they should cease doing whatever it is (then you need to say what it is) and allows you to sue a non-innocent person for workplace harrassment per the regulations you cite if they don't stop.



In the case of a hostile person, yes it absolutely can make that person more hostile. This is not absurd. It is the life experience of lots of people, (both men and women since men have recounted to me anecdotes where it escalated the situation). Saying "you are making me uncomfortable" in a non-work situation (where there isn't the protection of management to prevent violence escalation) signals weakness. It's appropriate in a workplace but with a stranger it shows that you react to threats with words instead of action, which makes you an even more inviting target. With a stranger you are an unknown quantity. Maybe you're armed, at least with pepper spray. But saying "you are making me uncomfortable" to a stranger (who is hostile rather than clueless) just signals that you reply to threat with weak response and will put up ineffective resistance if they attack. I learned this the hard way in my early 20's and decided since then that it is better to hurt the feelings of the cluless than to show a hostile stranger that you are an extra-easy target who will try to debate your way out of an attack.

Yeah, this is my problem with the word. One of them at least.

meems has the right idea, to only use it for actual creeps. Unfortunately, she is in the minority with this opinion. To date, most uses of the word I've seen have only been applied to unattractive-looking people.

The problem with this word is that people have bastardized the meaning of the word. A creep is someone who will not respect boundaries after being told to respect them. A rapist. A murderer. A pedophile. Now, if someone gets called a creep, word spreads quickly, and the reputation of the person who is called that is in the toilet in the matter of a few days. Which is fine, if the word is used for actual creeps. But for someone like Bobby Good-Intentions over there, if he gets called this word, his reputation ends up in the gutter for no reason. In that way, it is equivalent to the word "slut." If you call a known virgin a slut, guess what? Everyone else will hear about it and most people will fall for it. They will go up to this person and call them all manner of foul names, just because ONE PERSON called them a slut. It's that way with "creep" now, so it has to be used on an actual creep.

I assume you haven't had the same social conditioning as a female, am I right? Because your obliviousness to the dangers females face seems to go along with that.

And I agree, the word slut shouldn't have even come up, but I responded when it did.

It doesn't matter how I look. The reason I've encountered multiple situations like this is because I used to go out almost every night to parties etc. Being social leads to increased social interactions of every sort. I'm not hot, but that doesn't matter, can we leave my looks out of this conversation? I don't give a s**t if my looks are a "good thing" or you are imagining me as ugly or whatever. The beautiful thing about conversations on this forum are that few people give a s**t what I look like when all they see is a block of text and an old portrait of Vladimir Nabokov.

Well, I notice that they now social skills training for teenagers on the spectrum and dating is a type of social interaction, isn't it? The thing is, it may come naturally to NT kids but like most social skills, those of us on the spectrum usually have to learn them explicitly.

Having dating guidance for teens as well as providing information on healthy relationships as part of sex education sounds like a good idea to me, though, yes, I can see some conservative people seeing that as promoting early sexual activity. I don't understand that though, since it's technically normal for kids to start dating when they hit puberty.

I should talk to a gal only sparingly, it seems like, if I want to get anywhere.

How wonderful of you to misrepresent everything I said. I only said that I didn't like the way Ben's parents and the school handled the situation according to that interview. I don't think he was ever really a danger and if he really didn't care about the girls feelings then why was he "horrified" when he realized what he was doing? Note that according the interview, this was even before they had that meeting but ironically it made it worse because he also didn't know how to fix the situation. He said that he panicked and phoned her about 6 times and while that might seem like phone harassment, he was mostly trying to apologize and explain himself. That's why I think they should've handled it differently, by that stage he already understood and felt bad about it. However, instead of learning some social skills so as to know how to not repeat that in future, he walked away from that with social phobia, too scared to even have friends in case he "f***s up". Yes, he learned them much later but don't you think it would've been better if he was able to make friends etc, rather being too scared of social interaction altogether? I think that's actually quite sad.



So, you do agree with me somewhat.



He wasn't an adult at the time, nor did I say that the girl was responsible for anything.

We're not just talking about Ben at this point. We're talking about a bunch of whiny people who decided the thread was about them.

People are so freaked out by the idea of social responsibility, we can't even have this conversation in this sub-forum without immediately having a bunch of whiny children in adult's bodies throw the conversation to anything but personal accountability.

Ooohhh change is terrifying, let's not even consider it.

I am so critical.

I don't expect you to understand anything going on in this thread, as you've repeatedly done the "this is what goes on with me - it can't possibly be different for women" crap and I honestly can't explain something so basic to anyone today. Probably not tomorrow. I'm not sure the conversation can go anywhere constructive.

For the record, your post is the "dumbest s**t" I've seen in this thread so far.

I give up. That's how dumb it is.

Everyone in this thread is a creep.
I'm calling the police as I type this.

*caresses DialAForAwesome's arm* has anyone ever told you, you have a beautiful avatar?

•-{°_°}-•

you're reminding me of alex jones with this post. If you look closely and ignore a lot of bs there is an underlying agreeable point. But its said in such a stupid and aggressive manner that it just makes everyone on your side look like an idiot

WHERE IS ALEX JONES I'M GONNA PUT ON A PIERS MORGAN MASK AND TOUCH HIS BUTT

Brain matter is actually leaking out of my ears after reading this thread.