We have ourselves to blame

Post Reply New Topic

+ 1

Thanks it means a lot to know I'm not the only person like this.

This is like some kind of existential nightmare.

I'm learning that everyone interprets my actions through the lens of their own experiences. And the experiences I've had have all been of a very different character than an NTs experiences, because I see the world differently and I had a chaotic upbringing in a family with mental health issues. I'm learning that being misunderstood or misinterpreted is much more likely to happen than I ever would have imagined. And I simply can't anticipate when I'm about to say something that will jar with the NTs world view.

I think this is how spies must feel when they go undercover in enemy lands or whatever. Always trying not to get killed.

I'm just trying not to get killed socially. And nobody really knows why our brains are different. It would help so much to know why (for NTs to know why as well). There must be a point to us existing. It must be a part of human evolution, a few special people like us are born with logical minds so we can drag the rest of humanity kicking and screaming out of the dark ages by giving them technology and showing them how to use it. Maybe.

I'd like to know when you walk up to a woman and start asking small talk questions, and after about 2 questions she says "I'm just going over here now" and leaves, is that like a polite way of saying they don't want to talk to me? Or did I just catch them at a bad time?

I have myself to blame because I've friendzoned and didn't pick the only gem girl who genuinely loved me .

Hmm...shame on me.

I do struggle with anxiety but yeah to call it an existential nightmare is exaggerating a bit. But its so hard to describe in a small number of words, the confusion and worries that go through my mind and how it makes me feel separate from others. And how it feeds itself in complex cycles.

if you get depersonilzation (sp)? trust me it does get that bad.

I used to have a much more demanding and less rewarding job and I was basically sleep deprived.

On a couple of random occasions I got these intense sensation that I had just had a dream but I couldn't remember it. I would feel as though a dream world flashed into my head and then by the time I realised it was there, the details were already getting hazy. Like I had just woken up from a dream. But this would just randomly happen in the middle of the day while I was awake. And it drove me nuts, I always wanted to know the details of this dream world that I was absolutely sure I had just glimpsed.

At the time when I was looking into it, depersonalization came up as a possibility, but I don't know if it really fit. And it never happens to me any more now that I'm not being worked hard like a mule.

that sounds about right , I get it so bad I may be in a store holding a bag , freak out that I lost it yet all along I was holding it . the unreal feeling can be mighty scary when I get the air conditioner on Monday it will make life easier, I had no idea until being medicated recently /doing a www search that heat and humidity is a bad one for us.