Why dating sites are BS

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Don't you get all those creepy messages from guys who haven't even read your profile, though? The online dating horror stories (from women) say women get a lot of those. And if they don't read your profile then nothing in it will scare them off. Perhaps they scan it very quickly or just look at the length of it and decide "nah, she can write proper sentences - she's not the girl for me!"



Well, at least you do unto others as you'd have them do unto you, so you're not intentionally being rude. However, the guy has no way of knowing that. Some people, myself included, would consider it rude to ignore a proper, polite message that clearly invites a response. I would immediately think poorly of a person who ignores me when I took the time and effort to write a good message to them. But I suppose if you're not interested in them then you really don't care what they think of you.

No, no attempts at persuasion if I shut them down in my first message.

The reason I do send a "thanks, but no thanks" message is that so many of the guys here on WP have said that's what they would prefer, at least over silence. Guys, if you change your mind about that, be sure and let me know!

Not really. I am far more open minded than most men but when I see someone who takes zero care of their health bragging about how good looking they are, it is a MAJOR turnoff! I am not attracted to playboy models and prefer someone with a bit of weight but don't arrogantly boast about how good looking you are if you are obsese. My ex was overweight and I never once had a problem with it.


What I mean is someone who acts like most married women I see. You know exactly what I am talking about: the average decent person walking down the street who has kids, a decent job, takes care of their health, wearing clean clothes, etc

What I meant by my sarcastic comment was those type of women who get tattoos, exotic hair colours, facial piercings, etc thinking they are special but in reality are just following a fad. Like I've said before, it's almost like how all the teenage boys got their left ears pierced as a sign of how 'unique' they were when in reality guys like me who didn't do it were the ones who were unique. I want someone who lets their natural femininity shine, and it's a rare thing to see among Western women my age or younger. Again, all the cookie cutter profiles love to brag about how unique and special they are when they are so generic it isn't even funny. Hence the whole unique...... like everyone else comment I made.

it is. While it's still a rejection at least its slightly better to at least been acknowledged as a human being. I don't send messages for this reason. Reading thousands of women's profiles in detail then sending a decent sized message addressing common interests and such only to be completely ignored is just depressing and clearly a waste of my time and emotions. I'm just not love able meh.

also its a lot of information in my head now, that was probably more suited for the stuff I learned in college. I try to not read them now and just rate them on the pictures like it was meant to be done. My instinct to read them and rate them on as a whole person though is strong :"(

I get 'creepy' ones maybe once or twice a year. I get "hey" and "Hi hw r u" maybe a couple of times after I am active on the site, then maybe once a week if all I do is log on. I'm certainly not bombarded with them. It's really not a hassle. Also I have IM turned off. I've had that turned on before and I get a lot more people saying "hi" to me through that. It's annoying so I keep it turned off.

That is very nice of you. I guess I'm not so nice. But I wouldn't want to "promote" that sort of behaviour, personally, because I wouldn't like to receive a rejection message myself. Once I send someone a first message, I forget about them. If they reply, great! Nice surprise! If they don't, I probably won't notice (or at least I won't think much of it). If they replied with a rejection, I'd be happy at first to see they wrote to me...then shot down. That can't be fun.


BTW I don't think I have EVER received a rejection message. I have had plenty of people just not respond to me. Quite often I will get one response, then no more...which makes me wonder if they were just being polite the first time which is worse than not responding, IMO.

It usually takes at least a couple of exchanges for the creep factor to really come out. FWIW, the "hi how r u" messages are plenty creepy without my responding to them, as are the obvious spammers/scammers.

Also, about a third of the guys I've exchanged more than one message with have gotten a little creepy, a few in a sex-related way, most others in them being convinced that I am the perfect woman for them (before ever even meeting, mind you).

Interesting. Almost none of the people I interact with become creepy, clingy or sexual in their messages (they certainly do on other dating sites though, which I have given up on). What am I doing right??? I would love to share my wisdom if only I knew what it was. But perhaps it is just my pickyness...perhaps I only interact with 1/10 the number of people that other people do.

Also good points. I think I would react the same way you describe if I got a "rejection letter" from someone I initiated contact with. Hmmn, perhaps I should re-think my plan. It truly may be better to get no answer than an "I'm not interested" message.

Dating sites don't have to be completely useless.

The one in my sig I want to help attract as many single geeks as possible, male and female, more niche targeted than regular sites. I'm thinking about paying for facebook ads targeted at single female geeks. I'll let people know how it goes.

It's just starting out, but won't be good until it has lots of members. My goal is to get it to a million members.. a million geeks! I don't deal with the back end.. just help promote it.

Oh well, a lot of hard work is ahead of me.

I tried registering on the geek site it, but got an error not being able to activate my account. Maybe its broken.

Most males are taught to "not give up" and "pursue" which means they may take silence as a challenge to overcome. With a short direct message you're clearly communicating lack of desire (clear communication being something else most males understand).

Most females, on the other hand, will take silence as an answer unto itself since they aren't peppered with the same aggressive "keep trying" messages males are. They're also better at reading "between the lines" or in this case with no lines whatsoever to read, lol.

Yes, these are stereotypes, and obviously every person is different, but for the most part I believe these stereotypes to work well over half the time. But I suggest you keep to a simple "Not interested" message in your case. Especially if your location is still accurate-- you may get a religious, gun-toting, beer guzzling redneck that thinks silence is the same as a big fat yes. At least in my area of rural Colorado that's the case, lol....ah the western slope, but I digress.

I think what you've said was more or less the basis of my original plan. Stereotypes may not be one-size-fit-all, but they sometimes provide good guidelines.

Yep, I'm on the western slope, >200 miles from any population areas of significant size. The bolded part of your post made me LOL.

Yeah, Colorado is about the most unique place in this country in my opinion. We have hippies, yuppies, hillbillies, farmers, ranchers, Christian fundamentalists, Buddhist temples, tech hubs, metropolises/suburbia, beautiful small mountain towns, skiing, rafting, etc. It's truly an amazing mix we have here-- so I can disagree with the hillbillies/fundamentalists on most things, but I still appreciate their contribution in making the state exceptionally unique.

I wouldn't live anywhere else, but I can see how using a dating site out here in the boondocks really limits potential just based on the small numbers of possible suitors involved. Then add in the diversity of the state and finding a match can be about impossible. Hang in there though if you're still looking, you won't catch many fish just staring at the water.

Even if they are mostly completely useless, people will keep using them for the same reason they keep gambling or buying lottery tickets - random reward is a strong driver of human behaviour. A dating website provides a method of contact outside of normal social interaction, and most of the participants are looking to meet someone. Just these two facts present the opportunity for two people to meet who otherwise would not have. The rest (profiles, descriptions 'match-making algorithms' etc.) are just marketing gimmicks.

I have met a lot of authentic people through the internet. People will lie online as much as they lie in person, shallow and self centered. A lot of people do have serious interest in the machine working for them, and it works for them.

Mind you this was the internet of yesterday. Not modern times. Pre blasted FB and Twit. <<-- these two birth NT's into the spectrum teaching lack of communication skills.

Back on topic. Dating sites can work just as well as they might not. 50/50. People are who they are regardless of if they are online or not.