Two "kinds" of love

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thats what I want. silliness and playfulness are highly attractive to me. like I'll instantly be super interested and turned on. sadly there are so few of these type of women it seems. seeing them on okc is such a rarity.

I think its the opposite, you can have a friend who you only have one interest in common. you can have say a jogging friend, or a car friend, or gaming friend. I have those we do those activities together but nothing else. where as a gf should have a lot in common while sitll stuff not so you can share interests with each other. one spends a lot of time with a gf. only doing one interest with her and nothing elses is seen as bad, common example bfs who only have sex with their gf then go hang out with their friends. they only share that one interest, she feels used. so you need to have a bunch of things you can share and do with her.

Why do you think you will find those on okc? It similar to trying to find them on parties. These are all the wrong places because people are expected to behave their best on parties and at online dating sites.

Since I have narrow interests, it more or less means we share interests.



No wonder. To only have sex with a gf and nothing else is really bad behavior. However, arranging time alone in a relationship is quite ok (at least it is for me). It's almost a must if you want to be together long-term, as constantly being with each others will go bad sooner or later.

We don't have all the same interests. for example one of my core special interests is the marvel villain Venom, which she has 0 interest in, however she doesn't make fun of me or put me down because of it, and actually got me something I don't have for my birthday.

However, we have lots of TV shows / movies in common that we like, she likes to bake (I like to help), etc.

She is a lot more social than I am, which works out well as she can go off and hang with her friends while I stay home and have some alone time.

She is more emotional, and I am more logical but more often than not this proves to be a strength in our relationship. I know I frustrate her sometimes, when I miss something an NT wouldn't have, and I can understand it, but she will reassure me, we are ok, she knows I love her and will get over it.

Our first date was probably the best date I have ever had. We had planned to meet for dinner, but upon arriving the restaurant was full, not wanting to get to anxious I suggested we go for a walk while we wait for a table. I told her she looked gorgeous tonight, and she said, "well you have to say that", I explained that in fact I didn't, if I didn't like what I saw, I could have left, but I hadn't. It seemed to throw her a little bit, but she chuckled, we ended up in a discussion where we were attempting to out lame each other with stuff we had done or were interested in, which led to finding many common interests, eg: Me: "Big day out was sold out, so I flew to Adelaide to see Rammstein live", Her: "I went to London to see Rammstein". For the first time in my life, the conversation just flowed, I can't remember what it was, but she said something kinda stupid, we then decided if we said something stupid and immediately said "DONUT!", we would have to be forgiven (we still have a variation of this rule today, if one of us says something dumb, but manage to get the other to smile or laugh, we are "off the hook"), when we did end up getting a seat at the restaurant, I announced that I was getting the burger, and apologized for my eating habbits in advance. No cutlery was used by me, but by the time she was done with her risotto, it looked like it was still all there (she was eating it, was just a deceptive bowl), she commended my efforts for managing such a large burger without making a huge mess, it was getting late so I said I would be happy to walk her to her car. I never make the first move, but I knew I had to. as we were walking I brushed my hand past hers, no flinch, at the next set of lights I put my around her, and this was greeted by a smile, I knew this was good. We reached her car, she turned to look at me, and I knew I was only going to get more anxious the longer I left it, so I put my hands on her shoulders near her neck and pulled her in for a kiss and what a kiss, kissing can make me feel, awkward and sloppy and I dunno, but not the biggest fan until this. She asked when she could see me again, and well we haven't spent many days apart since that day, yet I still have alone time when she goes out with her friends etc.

It is possible to find a girl, that can be a positive in your life, that you can share things with, but you must have some separate interests to, and that's ok as long as your interests are not taken away from you. She is younger than me, she likes that most of the time I am quite childish and cute, but when it comes to the serious stuff I am very logical and take care of her.

yep. having different interest means sharing them with your partner ie, teaching them somthing new and then them teaching you a new interest. I think that is fun.

actually I've seen quite a few women like that on their, their playful nice shines through in their profile and if get that far messages. and even the answers to these questions where they commented on it.
people behave at parties lol. no they tend to get wild and drunk.

Not the same thing. In this context, "wild" means inhibited, typically in a sexual context. It doesn't mean that you can talk with people about your special interests or childish things, rather it is all about getting layed. It's just an inhibited version of what NTs always do, and if you are truely playful this is not accepted. I know because I've tried it. I'm also sure that few if anybody on okc will tell you they are childish or playful in a childish way. It's all about being playful in the NT-correct sense (which typically refers to sex), just as it is at a party.

most women on okc don't talk about sex. so i was talking about them being playful and silly. joking around, goofing off, etc. that is the kind of playful I like. the type of girl who would build a blanket fort with me.

you don't seem to like nts much and try to place us aspies as being better then them ^o.o>

I totally understand what you mean about girls "becoming aliens". For me it mostly happened in college, and especially after college (grad school, elsewhere in the adult world).

Physically, I guess I'd have two "ideals". One is a woman who has a face kind of like a 12-14 year-old, and the other is someone who looks 45-55ish. This goes along with the "kindred spirit child" vs. "motherly" dichotomy I have in terms of women's behavior. Though these are just ideals, and I can find women/girls of all ages physically attractive. The real sticking point is how they ACT.

I should mention that I have unresolved curiosity from when I was a little kid. In 2nd grade and younger I was obsessed with touching girls, and never got to. This may play into what I find attractive. In other words, a woman who I can play on a playground with and also touch in a sexual manner would partly fulfill that.



I'm a bit different. Partner changing is not a turn-off for me, as long as the interest is genuine. In other words, as long as both people can be themselves around each other and don't have to sit behind a social mask, the length of a relationship has no meaning to me. Unfortunately, NTs tend to sit behind a social mask until a relationship has been going on for some time.

I definitely am attracted to variety, though.



I said that the interests need to be complementary, not similar. In fact, someone with interests that are too similar becomes romantically boring. What I mean by "complementary" is that each takes some sort of interest in the other's interest. Like I'm really into the structures of molecules, but think about them in an intuitive way. I'd be interested in an artist who can see that these molecules are beautiful, and will listen to me talk about what makes them interesting to me. Not someone who will learn enough about them to be a biochemist herself, or for me to feel like she lives inside my head, but someone who is an interested outsider to my world.

This shows in my description of what kind of girls I like. Notice that I mentioned liking girls who wear Pokemon/cartoon shirts--even though I've never been into Pokemon or cartoons myself. But since I think in pictures rather than stories, I'm attracted to girls who invent their own stories, yet still appreciate someone who thinks visually. Girls who sit in their room drawing cartoons are interesting to me for that reason. The shared factor is the introversion, but the romantic part is falling in love with each others' interests sort of how we did when we our own interests ourselves.

I can relate to this too. I feel that one of the things that attracts me about the "maternal type" is that these types of women are, in some way, more in touch with what it means to be human, and can provide a grounding influence.

One of the descriptions of another person's sexuality that I related to the most was this answer to a question about why women liked Picasso:
http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/4946920
Not the part about treating women like floor mats, but this sentence:


This is a trap that I could easily fall into, because I can get so into a creative pursuit that I almost put an unhealthy amount of energy into it, so that I sacrifice the rest of my life. The "childlike pixie" women I'm attracted to would be partners in this, and would only draw me farther into a world of fantasy and disregard of real life. Whereas, the "maternal" type would be able to keep me grounded in the outer world and keep me from running myself out of control, by being supportive yet not "sucked in".

She is younger than I am by 5 years but looks no older than 20. I on the hand look much older than I am, early 30s and look 45+ easily, she is often mistaken for my daughter, but we find it amusing. I'm often the one cuddled up to her, or laying my head in her lap or chest and I do find it very comforting. She understands I will do things I don't mean, and while it can upset her she doesn't hold it against me. It is very similar to unconditional love. She likes that I'm not an NT man, I mean what I say and I say what I mean. She doesn't worry about my loyalty to her and knows I would never deliberately do anything to hurt her. She let's me have my special interests and enencourages them, even when she doesn't understand them, she is intrigued by the way my mind works. She makes me feel less like a reject, and more lile something special that should be natured.

I'm replying to revive this thread. It's very beautifully written, and totally deserves a bump.

I have another example of complementary interests. Let's say I like trains and history, and my girlfriend likes nature and long walks on the beach. There is a rail line near me that runs out to a distant rural area near a big lake, with a dirt trail going from the train station to the beach. So we take the train there, even though driving is faster. Along the way, I share facts about the rail line's history, and point out stumps from the telegraph poles dating back to Thomas Edison's lifetime. Once we get there, we swim in the lake and hike in the woods, getting a little fondly with each other in the water. I let her pick where to eat afterwards, 'cause I'm a gentleman. (In reality, there's just one local bar 'n' grill place 1/4 mile from the station.) Then on the train ride back, sun starts to set, and we nod off, leaning against each other, to the sound of the wheels click-clacking against the rails, as the streetlights on nearby roads whiz past.

Of course, this is just a fantasy. In real life, it'll be a fairly tedious day, with me doing the driving and her harping on me for missing our interstate exit. (With the 6 on the sign looking like a G being my fault.) And I'll be expected to take it all in stride and be thankful for the relationship, because we're in the second kind of love and not the first.