Worst decision - okcupid

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27 Oct 2015, 10:35 am

Would it be wrong for young person to be attracted to young people? Someone 15 years older than me may as well be my mom I'd feel like.

Sweetleaf
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27 Oct 2015, 11:55 am

nurseangela wrote:

Worst decision - any of them. I just joined two and nothing is free. I've had several responses but don't know who they are unless I pay out the wazoo. Then I've seen some of my responses and they are guys that are about 15 yrs older than me and look it! All the guys my age want women 15 yrs younger than me. Goodluck with that. No one is going to tell me that men aren't out for the youngest "bombshell" that they can find. I don't even look my age and I'm having problems! For those who also think that women have it easy on online dating sites, I'm here to prove you wrong. So far, I haven't found one person worthy of me spending $40-50 a month for in order to communicate with. Still deciding on whether to keep my account open or not.

That is pricey I wouldn't pay for that....but Okcupid is free and you don't have to pay to see profiles or anything like that. I met someone pretty awesome there, but it was after much wasted time....some crappy relationship attempts and such.

But yeah I don't think either gender has it particularly easy...but I think it can be hard in different ways. I mean some people seem to think women have loads of great men asking them out, that they all pickily choose from when in reality its probably a lot of perverts and hook up artists. I mean yeah maybe 100 messeges looks great, but not so much if its mostly guys just wanting to 'hit that'. I mean I have gotten messages like that then it makes me feel quite turned off and less likely to continue viewing matches or messages.

Seems some guys have the misconception all the guys on these sites are like them, looking for a genuine relationship...well some are, but a there's a lot just looking for hook ups. Its not as if all women have a list of what makes a perfect guy and reject anyone who doesn't seem to fit that exactly...a lot are just trying to weed out the sleazy hook up artists from the men mature enough to actually engage in a relationship.

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Sweetleaf
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27 Oct 2015, 11:58 am

314pe wrote:

nurseangela wrote:

No one is going to tell me that men aren't out for the youngest "bombshell" that they can find.

Men are all individuals and look for different things. These men you talk about are a minority.

I agree with the first part.....but how do you know these men are the minority?

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nurseangela
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27 Oct 2015, 1:29 pm

Jacoby wrote:

Would it be wrong for young person to be attracted to young people? Someone 15 years older than me may as well be my mom I'd feel like.

Why is it that the men (and women) think its ok then for a guy to be 15 yrs older? I think that's like a father figure. I'm expected to look for a guy who is 55-60 yrs old cause the guys my age want a woman younger than them and that is what is socially acceptable. If I want a guy who is 30-35 (which I actually feel and look 35) then I'm called "a cougar". It's sickening. I don't want a guy who is 55-60 because they freaking look like they've been through the mill - wrinkles and gray hair (if they have hair) and older kids and ex wives. At this rate, I'm better staying single.

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rdos
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27 Oct 2015, 3:06 pm

nurseangela wrote:

Why is it that the men (and women) think its ok then for a guy to be 15 yrs older?

Biology. Men can produce children much longer than women.

nurseangela wrote:

I don't want a guy who is 55-60 because they freaking look like they've been through the mill - wrinkles and gray hair (if they have hair) and older kids and ex wives.

Really? I'm close to that range (54), and I don't have any wrinkles, and only a few grey hairs.

nurseangela
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27 Oct 2015, 5:03 pm

rdos wrote:

nurseangela wrote:

Why is it that the men (and women) think its ok then for a guy to be 15 yrs older?

Biology. Men can produce children much longer than women.

nurseangela wrote:

I don't want a guy who is 55-60 because they freaking look like they've been through the mill - wrinkles and gray hair (if they have hair) and older kids and ex wives.

Really? I'm close to that range (54), and I don't have any wrinkles, and only a few grey hairs.

The ones that are "winking" at me - let me just say that I don't have enough paper bags in my cabinet that could be used to help the situation.

You know this seems to happen everytime I go on these singles sites - the guys that aren't very appealing are the only ones that say anything and I end up closing my account. There is this co-worker I was talking to who was on Match and she is now closing her account too and she doesn't look bad at all and has a pretty good personality to boot. She said she was on there once and had at least 50 dates set up with different ones over a period of time and didn't come out with one that was good enough to keep dating. One just recently out of the blue sent her a completely naked picture of himself. He did have something to be proud of, but come on, she hadn't even met him yet. :roll:

She said that one of his jobs was being a private investigator (I think it was being an "investigator of privates!") :lol:

I can see now what she means. I thought trying to find me a Hunny would cheer me up, but now I'm even more depressed.

_________________
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Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

nurseangela
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27 Oct 2015, 5:08 pm

OH MY GOODNESS! I just found out my age isn't showing up on here anymore! Woo Hoo! I can now be forever "29 and holding"! I'm happier already!

_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

waynet7
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27 Oct 2015, 9:30 pm

nurseangela-

I like your motto: 'Me? Grumpy? I'm just happiness challenged'. Ha! That describes me to a tee. I often get called 'Mr Grump' because I don't smile much, but people do not understand that me not smiling does not mean I am mad or grumpy. I agree with you in that many men our age and single are interested in much younger women. I would not be, because I would be reminded that my own mother is only 17 years older than me! I think these guys are missing out on a lot that mature women have to offer that the young ones do not. I have read that the dating scene for people over 40 is dominated by middle age women, mainly for the reason cited above! Too bad for men who are not interested in women of their own age!

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28 Oct 2015, 5:47 am

nurseangela wrote:

OH MY GOODNESS! I just found out my age isn't showing up on here anymore! Woo Hoo! I can now be forever "29 and holding"! I'm happier already!

Hazzah!

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314pe
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28 Oct 2015, 6:08 am

nurseangela wrote:

The ones that are "winking" at me - let me just say that I don't have enough paper bags in my cabinet that could be used to help the situation.

That's one of the reasons why those sites should be avoided. Unless, you're a conventionally attractive man, most women won't give you a chance.

nurseangela
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28 Oct 2015, 6:26 am

314pe wrote:

nurseangela wrote:

The ones that are "winking" at me - let me just say that I don't have enough paper bags in my cabinet that could be used to help the situation.

That's one of the reasons why those sites should be avoided. Unless, you're a conventionally attractive man, most women won't give you a chance.

I should also say that the somewhat decent ones that have replied are divorced with kids which is a deal breaker with me and I tried to filter that, but they get sent anyway.

_________________
Me grumpy?
I'm happiness challenged.

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 83 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 153 of 200 You are very likely neurotypical
Darn, I flunked.

rdos
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28 Oct 2015, 7:02 am

waynet7 wrote:

What's so cool with you? I don't think I have much if anything in common with people my age (of both genders), so why would I want to pursue a woman my age when we have nothing in common? :lol:

Sweetleaf
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28 Oct 2015, 10:10 am

314pe wrote:

nurseangela wrote:

The ones that are "winking" at me - let me just say that I don't have enough paper bags in my cabinet that could be used to help the situation.

That's one of the reasons why those sites should be avoided. Unless, you're a conventionally attractive man, most women won't give you a chance.

IDK that seems to imply you might as well make an account on the off chance there are women who are not 'most' women...just in case. Then DO NOT fixate on your dating site account just look at it as a potential avenue where you might meet someone but don't expect it.

Of course I guess if most women is what really appeals to you, and you're not conventionally attractive then perhaps it is a waste of time.

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Jacoby
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28 Oct 2015, 10:41 am

the thing with dating sites

If you have to message hundreds of women to even get a response, how can you ever be genuinely interested in someone? That seems to lend itself to superficiality or worse desperation, whoever responds to you first.

futile pointless game for guy on the spectrum I think

MissBearpolar
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28 Oct 2015, 3:49 pm

rdos wrote:

nurseangela wrote:

Why is it that the men (and women) think its ok then for a guy to be 15 yrs older?

Biology. Men can produce children much longer than women.

nurseangela wrote:

I don't want a guy who is 55-60 because they freaking look like they've been through the mill - wrinkles and gray hair (if they have hair) and older kids and ex wives.

Really? I'm close to that range (54), and I don't have any wrinkles, and only a few grey hairs.

I think that once you're a grownup the age difference doesn't matter all that much but the stage in life difference does -- a 22 yr old junior living in a college dorm is "too young" (life-experience wise) for a 22 year old got a job/apartment at 18 and has thus been independent for 4 years. The 22 year old independent since 18 would probably do just fine dating a 32 or 40 yo.

rdos
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28 Oct 2015, 4:08 pm

MissBearpolar wrote:

The stage in life is exactly why I wouldn't be interested in ordinary women in their 40s or beyond if I was single. I feel a lot more like 30 than 54, so I'm more in that stage in life rather than the stage of life of people my age. Of course, if a woman in her 40s also felt more like 30, then it would be different. Problem is, this is not so easy to detect, especially not in online dating, so I'm sure I'd go for women around 30 instead.

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