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Dating in your 30s

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DoesItMatter
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11 Feb 2016, 5:29 pm

Amarvilasx wrote:
Perhaps you could consider not moaning about being single then. If you're too scared to talk to anybody because you're convinced they'll hate or hurt you, why not cheerfully accept your choice to be single forever?

Tbh i have kind of been thinking that when some guys complain here about that they will "never be able to get a date, forever alone blah virgin cry", like if they SERIOUSLY believed there was no chance at it EVER happening then its not like anything is gonna change by complainig here? like, if there was something i knew that was NOT possible for me EVER it would be best to just accept it, and focus of the thing that IS possible..

Not saying people here just should give up about everything, but did ya get the point...



Anngables
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11 Feb 2016, 5:47 pm

NT female point of view for what it's worth . .. . . .
I think we feel dating gets more difficult as we get older because truthfully it used to be the case. However,in this age with online forums, social media and dating sites I really don't think age is a factor.
I'm here because I have become very good friends with a man with aspergers and I want to understand more so I don't make him feel stressed or like he has said or,done the wrong thing much of the time.
Looks are not what attracted me but personality,humour and intelligence. I am not actually in the dating game my situation is complicated, but I do have a lot,of single friends NT who are as equally puzzled by the laws of attraction. My advice be yourself. Talk to many people and relax. Almost everything I read about Aspie and NT relationships suggests that the most attractive things are the alternative view of the world, the willingness to help where possible, loyalty, fun and humour. These are all great attributes get out there and be proud of who,you are x



DoesItMatter
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11 Feb 2016, 5:52 pm

Anngables wrote:
NT female point of view for what it's worth . .. . . .
I think we feel dating gets more difficult as we get older because truthfully it used to be the case. However,in this age with online forums, social media and dating sites I really don't think age is a factor.
I'm here because I have become very good friends with a man with aspergers and I want to understand more so I don't make him feel stressed or like he has said or,done the wrong thing much of the time.
Looks are not what attracted me but personality,humour and intelligence. I am not actually in the dating game my situation is complicated, but I do have a lot,of single friends NT who are as equally puzzled by the laws of attraction. My advice be yourself. Talk to many people and relax. Almost everything I read about Aspie and NT relationships suggests that the most attractive things are the alternative view of the world, the willingness to help where possible, loyalty, fun and humour. These are all great attributes get out there and be proud of who,you are x

I think its really sweet of you to come to this site to understand more, he is lucky to have you as a friend ^^



Anngables
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11 Feb 2016, 6:02 pm

Thank you - I feel equally as lucky to have him as a friend to be honest. Especially before,I realised how difficult he found some of the things I was expecting from him, but he never gave up on me.



DoesItMatter
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11 Feb 2016, 6:09 pm

Anngables wrote:
Thank you - I feel equally as lucky to have him as a friend to be honest. Especially before,I realised how difficult he found some of the things I was expecting from him, but he never gave up on me.

Thats really nice to hear, friendships like that a such a great thing^^
And i hope you wont feel unwelcome by some of the users kind of harsh comments about NT people in general, because NGL some people are kind of bitter about NT people..
But your reason for being here is so sweet that people are probably gonna be understanding and wanting to help (: So if you have any questions about asperger this forum is obviously a place to get some answars haha~

edit because of typos haha, hope my bad english is understandable



Anngables
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11 Feb 2016, 6:14 pm

Well NT people can be pretty unfeeling about Aspies too, so criticism is probably deserved, but understanding each other is what it's all about. Thanks for making me feel welcome that is very kind of you x



DoesItMatter
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11 Feb 2016, 6:22 pm

Anngables wrote:
Well NT people can be pretty unfeeling about Aspies too, so criticism is probably deserved, but understanding each other is what it's all about. Thanks for making me feel welcome that is very kind of you x

Same witth asperger people can be pretty unfeeling about NT's, so thats why i love when both a making an effort trying to understand each other d: And when nice people like you join the site to get more understanding it will hopefully make some users here see that its not true that "all NT' people think the same and are bullies" since they probably had some bad experiences with NT people in the past
And im happy to make you feel welcome! (:



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12 Feb 2016, 2:15 am

esoterica181 wrote:
I'm single and lonely and I feel like loneliness makes me unattractive so I don't go out. I think that is a mistake.


It sounds like it is its own self-defeating feedback loop :cry:

I don't go out much either, but I live in a city where people are supposed to have lots to do here at night, but I prefer the calm away from everyone's busy-ness and NT social drama.



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12 Feb 2016, 8:37 am

I have lots of things to do at night, too, the main one being sleeping. Needless to say, I never get them all done.


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sunnchipie
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12 Feb 2016, 3:31 pm

Good stuff Ann Gables



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12 Feb 2016, 5:36 pm

DoesItMatter wrote:
Amarvilasx wrote:
Perhaps you could consider not moaning about being single then. If you're too scared to talk to anybody because you're convinced they'll hate or hurt you, why not cheerfully accept your choice to be single forever?

Tbh i have kind of been thinking that when some guys complain here about that they will "never be able to get a date, forever alone blah virgin cry", like if they SERIOUSLY believed there was no chance at it EVER happening then its not like anything is gonna change by complainig here? like, if there was something i knew that was NOT possible for me EVER it would be best to just accept it, and focus of the thing that IS possible..

Not saying people here just should give up about everything, but did ya get the point...


I don't think the self pity is going to give them more chances anyway.


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esoterica181
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12 Feb 2016, 9:32 pm

Yeah, it's easy to feel lonely in a place with so much going on all the time and people who are going out. I felt the same way in college but way worse.



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13 Feb 2016, 9:24 am

There's stuff to do that doesn't involves crowds or hoards of people.


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WantToHaveALife
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17 Feb 2016, 4:01 am

esoterica181 wrote:
I'm single and lonely and I feel like loneliness makes me unattractive so I don't go out. I think that is a mistake.


it's more repulsive in men than it is in women, because guys are expected to be mentally independent, non-needy, non-desperate, and they say one of the most common ways a woman will "shit-test" a man, they call it the neediness/desperate test, when a guy is trying to plan something with her to go out, she sounds wishy-washy in her responses, she is like "maybe i'm free, maybe i'm not, not sure", or even flake on the guy, cancel plans, take a long time to call or text back.



esoterica181
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18 Feb 2016, 1:01 am

It sounds like you've been burned more than once.



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18 Feb 2016, 11:34 pm

To me, a lot of what dating "stands for" in one's 30s (and later) is really antithetical to what I want in a relationship. To me, romance is like a childhood friendship, full of imagination, having "first times" together, sharing dreams that may have little to do with reality, etc. What most people my age think of as "romantic" seems really unappealing to me.