Can Men And Women Just Be Friends?

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Yup, which is why my emphasis was on my friendship with my gay friend. Although given at the time I had a lot of guy friends, I thought I was straight and just wasn't attracted to any of them. XD Men are very physical as far as minds go, so trying to avoid the sexual response, I've heard, is nearly impossible.

I'm female though, so I could be wrong in that, especially when it comes to asexual men, but it's my experience.

Yes, men and women can be just friends. Even if there's attraction involved. Just because you feel it, doesn't mean you gotta act on it.

I have/had several male friends. No temptation (and if there was any on their parts, they did a good job of dealing with it).

Of course, one of them was practically asexual. One of them was a fellow ASDer with such ridiculously high standards that no mortal woman could be good enough for a second date, never mind sex. And one of them, for all his love of making dirty jokes, was probably completely incapacitated between disability, painkillers, and antidepressants.

And I'm monogamous by nature. Honestly, I'm probably NONogamous by nature. Practically asexual.

And there's an ENORMOUS "but" attached.

Which is, basically, men and women can be just friends. A true friend is a rare and precious thing, and IMO if you find one it's silly to quibble about race, or religion, or culture, or socioeconomic status, or political affiliation, or what is or isn't hanging between their legs, or pretty much anything else.

BUT society is what it is, which is a sex-soaked, judgmental, lascivious hellhole. People will make assumptions, treat those assumptions as fact, and use their "intelligently deduced" "facts" to cause trouble. Because they care about you, natch.

So, yes, men and women can be just friends. But society almost never permits it to happen. Therefore, ultimately, no, men and women cannot be just friends.

Sure they can. And also, I could be way off base here because I don't have any siblings, but aren't most brothers and sisters friends with each other in some capacity? I wouldn't think a sexual relationship would cross any of their minds. So if this is indeed true, of course men and women can be friends.

Depends. The Greeks had several different words for love, there is a difference between storge love and eros, but there's also a difference storge and philial love.

Ok people. Maybe I worded the question wrong, but I think some of the answers here shouldn't count. The sister /brother thing is quite obvious, but it's also obvious that a guy would have no chance with a lesbian and vice versa and there's no chance with someone who is asexual.

When I created this thread it was supposed to be heterosexual men /women friendships. I guess it could go into two lesbians or two gays. There has to be a chance in the scenario that a romantic relationship COULD develop. Am I explaining this right?

Most of my friends are guys, so if men and women can't be friends, that would invalidate all of those friendships.

There are times when an attraction can absolutely get in the way, but I believe that most of the time, a lot of us are capable of maintaining self-control and discretion, despite attractions.

I also cannot imagine ever giving up my freedom to befriend who I want, all for a partner. What happens if our relationship falls apart? Or what happens if we need some space apart from each other? Then who would I have left? Since I don't make close friendships easily, eliminating 50 percent of the population for possible friendship is not a risk worth taking, in my opinion.

I absolutely believe in boundaries, and trying to create shared friendships when possible, and certainly not hanging out one-on-one with any friend of either gender more often than you hang with your partner. None of this could happen though without nearly absolute honesty and trust. If I don't have that, then what's the point?

Step 1: Am I in a relationship? Then others are off limits and I will do nothing.
Step 2: Are they in a relationship? Then they are off limits and I will do nothing.
Step 3: Do I dislike their personality? Then I will do nothing.
Step 4: Are they unattractive? Then I will do nothing.
Step 5: Do they seem uninterested in a relationship? Then I will do nothing.

People here are defining 'platonic' as secretly attracted to each other without acting on it.

I completely disagree with this definiton.

To me, platonic is NO attraction whatsoever, emotional or phyiscal.

No curiosity, not even any passing thoughts. NO 'what-ifs'.

By my stricter definition, if I'm friend's with a girl and think, even for just a split second, "Hey, I wonder what dating her would be like?" then it's no longer platonic and never will be again.

So by my own definition, nope, I've never had anything platonic...

"What you can do is have friends who secretly love you or want to sex you and just pretend it's not happening."

Exactly. And I don't consider that 'truly' platonic.

If you think even for a second 'I wonder what dating her would be like?' for your female friends but not for your male friends, your friendships with both aren't equal.

"Another user did s thread on this with the results from a random video survey, while all the women asked said yes, all their guy friends asked said they'd love to be with the girl if they could. The women were surprised to hear that. I dont know why. Your a super gorgeous woman with a fantastic body and surprised your single guy friends are attracted to you and secretly wishing they were your boyfriend."

This always surprises me. I seriously don't get it.

Every female I know, when they realize a male friend's attracted to them, they are completely and totally suprised and shocked.

They thought things were 1000% platonic and nothing more. They completely and only ever see him as a friend. Always have, always will, and assume he would feel exactly the same about her forever.

The concept seems so foreign and surprising to them, they believe it would almost never ever in 100 years ever happen that a male friend would even slightly think of her as more than a friend. Ever. They believe the male they are only and only friends with will want to stay that way for the rest of their lives without ever wanting anything more at any point in time, not even a tiny bit.

All my female friends I've ever had were always completely surprised when a male friend is attracted to them, even if another one was in the past, and another one before that.

It boggles the mind.

This is why I seriously think women, at least when men and women are young, the women are more likely to see the friendship as strictly platonic.

Why is it the majority of people who end up in the 'friendzone' are men?

Every time a female friend I know has liked a male friend of hers, he's been willing to give her a chance even if he didn't love her back. The same can't be said when a male friend falls for a female.

In high school I would have given every single female friend i've ever had a chance at a relationship even if I wasn't emotionally attracted to them..

Hi Outrider,

I get the sense that many women are more cautious about sex and relationships than many men. I also don't think many women find as many men attractive. I know myself, I'm not attracted to that many men, although attraction can develop over time.

I also think that "giving someone a chance", when you don't feel it, might have to do with both the interest in, and availability of, casual sex for either gender. The loneliness factor applies to both genders equally though.

Unfortunately also, pregnancy, STDs, and, depending on who you talk to, the emotional bonding involved in sex, affect women the most. Not to mention the physical concerns of being entirely alone with a man they don't know well. To add to all that, women's sexuality tends to be more complicated, which the notable exception of men's performance anxiety.

Yeah, I've heard all that too.

That women find it harder to fall in love than men do with women, that they are more guarded, and love before sex is an important thing to them.

This is true for some males as well though. At least the second two are for me.

"Question. That last sentence - why would you give them a chance if not emotionally attracted - because they were physically attractive or because you just wanted sex?"

Physical attraction, not just in the sexual way but also the 'she's very pretty/beautiful' way as well.

Along with the fact she's a good friend so obviously I have a good connection to her already.

Among males I've noticed we essentially are almost guaranteed to give a chance to a female friend if she is decently attractive and a good friend. We don't actually need to be emotionally/romantically attracted to her first.

We don't need to fall in love with her yet, we'll try to get to know them and that part comes later...

The only men I meet who have issue with dating their female friends are the whole 'I see her as more of a sister' thing.

But that usually only happens when they've been good friends with her for a very long-time and usually only if a male and female are best friends.

Besides, I've met males who contradict themselves as well. According to this one guy: "X is so beautiful and sexy and hot in casual clothes, oh man I mean she's so attractive but I could never think of dating her or doing anything with her because I only see her as a friend."

????

I've recently written my own threads about my situation, and I know OP and a small handful of you have already read them, but if you haven't:

I'm a straight woman. My best friend is a straight dude. We rented a house together for a school year (3 guys, 1 girl). We were distant friends while we lived together and later became close. One night, soon after we moved out, he got really drunk and tried hooking up with me. I misread his social cues, thought they were genuine romantic advances, realized he was my type, and fell deeply in love with him for a little more than 2 years. (I'm waiting for marriage to have sex. I didn't know casual sex was a thing at the time.) At the beginning of this year, I learned he was dating a coworker whom he seems to want to marry. It was massively heartbreaking at first, but now I'm willing to get to know her.

In that time after I fell for him, he sisterzoned me, which caused me to confess my crush, and then he turned my romantic interest down. Our friendship never skipped a beat, though. We became closer friends and he often includes me in his inner circle. I was never included that closely in an inner friendship circle before I got to know him. He and I just visited two of his other close friends (whom are dating) in another part of the country last week for an event. He even offered to make me the godmother of his kid.

He seems to genuinely want to be friends with me, regardless of his drunken desires or my unwillingness to screw someone out of wedlock. He's got a big heart, a lot of charisma, and likes to take his friends under his wing. (Based on what I've heard him say, I think he's hooked up with plenty of women. I also indirectly found out that I'm not his type.) I'm trying to brotherzone him myself to set my boundaries. He's the best friend I've ever had and means the world to me. I can't lose him over something petty.

I also have other male friends whom I'm nowhere near romantically attracted to, but they're great for conversations or hangouts.



So the answer is, yes, men and women can be friends if they genuinely want each other's friendship and set the right boundaries.