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What makes someone unattractive?

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Alliekit
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20 Mar 2017, 5:36 am

Shahunshah wrote:
So Allikeit, Face of Boo and Sabreclaw I am 16 you are a hell of allot older than me. What would you say an Aspie needs to do in this area.


I wpuld guess we will all have different answers because we are from different cultures, ages, genders and relationship status.

I would suggest taking advice with a pinch of salt :lol: . But in all seriousness rather than love yourself you have to accept yourself for all the bad and good points. Let people see your good points and I don't mean like be a nice guy because anyone can be nice. What are the things unique to you.

Also if you are able join groups make friends and really push yourself to go out. Sometimes I have to force myself but enjoy it once I'm out.

Lastly don't let s**t get to you. If something happens shake it off and get back up.

Maybe that's more life advice aswell because I've been thinking about it alot lately but it can help with a relationship.

Also NTs don't go hunting for girlfriends, at least not obviously.



Alliekit
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20 Mar 2017, 5:38 am

rdos wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ That's why most people marry colleagues, coworkers, friends, friends of friends....because there's a phase of bonding happens before the dating part.


Exactly the reason I dislike the idea of asking out strangers. It takes away a very important step in forming a meaningful relationship. Since you have nothing but hormones to work with, you fall back onto your checklist of wants and don't-wants in a partner, potentially never giving an ideal partner the chance to bond with you. Plus it reduces your partner to "the one who said yes", as opposed to "the one I truly wanted".


Exactly. If you cannot use friends or colleagues, participate in activities you like that have women in them that are suitable for you. You can get to know them without having to ask them out. Dancing and other activities that involve physical contact are probably superior.


I find you can get to know people by having interesting chats about topics you both enjoy also



314pe
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20 Mar 2017, 5:52 am

Shahunshah wrote:
So Allikeit, Face of Boo and Sabreclaw I am 16 you are a hell of allot older than me. What would you say an Aspie needs to do in this area.

To grow :)



Sabreclaw
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20 Mar 2017, 5:56 am

rdos wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
^ That's why most people marry colleagues, coworkers, friends, friends of friends....because there's a phase of bonding happens before the dating part.


Exactly the reason I dislike the idea of asking out strangers. It takes away a very important step in forming a meaningful relationship. Since you have nothing but hormones to work with, you fall back onto your checklist of wants and don't-wants in a partner, potentially never giving an ideal partner the chance to bond with you. Plus it reduces your partner to "the one who said yes", as opposed to "the one I truly wanted".


Exactly. If you cannot use friends or colleagues, participate in activities you like that have women in them that are suitable for you. You can get to know them without having to ask them out. Dancing and other activities that involve physical contact are probably superior.


Why would dancing and getting all touchy-feely be the superior way to form natural bonds with people? That seems to be shifting the goalposts back in the direction of getting all romantic with strangers.



rdos
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20 Mar 2017, 5:59 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
Why would dancing and getting all touchy-feely be the superior way to form natural bonds with people? That seems to be shifting the goalposts back in the direction of getting all romantic with strangers.


Because relationships are about being touchy-feely and romantic. Nothing beats a huge infatuation in bonding effectively. :mrgreen:



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20 Mar 2017, 6:07 am

rdos wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
Why would dancing and getting all touchy-feely be the superior way to form natural bonds with people? That seems to be shifting the goalposts back in the direction of getting all romantic with strangers.


Because relationships are about being touchy-feely and romantic. Nothing beats a huge infatuation in bonding effectively. :mrgreen:


I'd rather get to know somebody on a personal level before trying to get physical with them. Infatuation with strangers is not something I approve of. That is not what I would consider forming a natural bond with somebody. If you cannot imagine yourself being friends with a person, how could you expect to spend your life with them?



rdos
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20 Mar 2017, 7:08 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
I'd rather get to know somebody on a personal level before trying to get physical with them. Infatuation with strangers is not something I approve of. That is not what I would consider forming a natural bond with somebody.


I had an infatuation with every girl I ever considered as a romantic partner. That's kind of a requirement I have.

Sabreclaw wrote:
If you cannot imagine yourself being friends with a person, how could you expect to spend your life with them?


Friend status for me means I will dump them whenever I no longer need them. That's not a good basis for a relationship. It's the first "black & white" side AngelRho mentioned in another thread. Because I don't consider friends as romantic partners, I won't end up dumping romantic partners over small dissimilarities.



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20 Mar 2017, 8:19 am

rdos wrote:
Sabreclaw wrote:
I'd rather get to know somebody on a personal level before trying to get physical with them. Infatuation with strangers is not something I approve of. That is not what I would consider forming a natural bond with somebody.


I had an infatuation with every girl I ever considered as a romantic partner. That's kind of a requirement I have.

Sabreclaw wrote:
If you cannot imagine yourself being friends with a person, how could you expect to spend your life with them?


Friend status for me means I will dump them whenever I no longer need them. That's not a good basis for a relationship. It's the first "black & white" side AngelRho mentioned in another thread. Because I don't consider friends as romantic partners, I won't end up dumping romantic partners over small dissimilarities.


Then I guess you and I have fundamentally different concepts of what makes somebody relationship material. For me, being a close friend is required before I'd even consider dating somebody.



The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Mar 2017, 10:43 am

Shahunshah wrote:
So Allikeit, Face of Boo and Sabreclaw I am 16 you are a hell of allot older than me. What would you say an Aspie needs to do in this area.


Start to try dating the soonest possible; otherwise it becomes hell harder later, and you need the experience.
And don't be too late to have your first car.



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20 Mar 2017, 10:47 am

Shahunshah wrote:
So Allikeit, Face of Boo and Sabreclaw I am 16 you are a hell of allot older than me. What would you say an Aspie needs to do in this area.

Start dating now or you will end up doomed...AND ALONE LIKE US!! ! 8O :skull: :skull:


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rdos
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20 Mar 2017, 10:59 am

TheSpectrum wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
So Allikeit, Face of Boo and Sabreclaw I am 16 you are a hell of allot older than me. What would you say an Aspie needs to do in this area.

Start dating now or you will end up doomed...AND ALONE LIKE US!! ! 8O :skull: :skull:


I never dated, and I'm not alone. :mrgreen:



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20 Mar 2017, 1:10 pm

Alliekit wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
So Allikeit, Face of Boo and Sabreclaw I am 16 you are a hell of allot older than me. What would you say an Aspie needs to do in this area.


I wpuld guess we will all have different answers because we are from different cultures, ages, genders and relationship status.

I would suggest taking advice with a pinch of salt :lol: . But in all seriousness rather than love yourself you have to accept yourself for all the bad and good points. Let people see your good points and I don't mean like be a nice guy because anyone can be nice. What are the things unique to you.

Also if you are able join groups make friends and really push yourself to go out. Sometimes I have to force myself but enjoy it once I'm out.

Lastly don't let s**t get to you. If something happens shake it off and get back up.

Maybe that's more life advice aswell because I've been thinking about it alot lately but it can help with a relationship.

Also NTs don't go hunting for girlfriends, at least not obviously.

I'm not too concerned about myself to be honest. I was wondering if certain social requirements e.g. friends would be needed in this area.



kraftiekortie
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20 Mar 2017, 1:13 pm

It usually helps, in my opinion, when you have friends.

Though some girls, like some guys, take pride in having no friends.



Shahunshah
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20 Mar 2017, 1:33 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
So Allikeit, Face of Boo and Sabreclaw I am 16 you are a hell of allot older than me. What would you say an Aspie needs to do in this area.


Start to try dating the soonest possible; otherwise it becomes hell harder later, and you need the experience.
And don't be too late to have your first car.
That ain't gonna happen soon or for that matter the next 2 years.



kraftiekortie
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20 Mar 2017, 1:54 pm

Your parents won't let you date?



Alliekit
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20 Mar 2017, 3:45 pm

Shahunshah wrote:
Alliekit wrote:
Shahunshah wrote:
So Allikeit, Face of Boo and Sabreclaw I am 16 you are a hell of allot older than me. What would you say an Aspie needs to do in this area.


I wpuld guess we will all have different answers because we are from different cultures, ages, genders and relationship status.

I would suggest taking advice with a pinch of salt :lol: . But in all seriousness rather than love yourself you have to accept yourself for all the bad and good points. Let people see your good points and I don't mean like be a nice guy because anyone can be nice. What are the things unique to you.

Also if you are able join groups make friends and really push yourself to go out. Sometimes I have to force myself but enjoy it once I'm out.

Lastly don't let s**t get to you. If something happens shake it off and get back up.

Maybe that's more life advice aswell because I've been thinking about it alot lately but it can help with a relationship.

Also NTs don't go hunting for girlfriends, at least not obviously.

I'm not too concerned about myself to be honest. I was wondering if certain social requirements e.g. friends would be needed in this area.


Friends wouldn't hurt that's why i suggested joining groups or clubs :) Having friends is a good way to meet new people so it expands your opportunities

You seem pretty chill so I wouldn't worry too much