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fluffysaurus
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23 Nov 2017, 11:49 am

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I've sworn off dating sites completely. I find them to be frustrating and time consuming.


See? You are learning a lot!

Even if there are decent women on those sites, experience has taught me it take VERY little time for women to be overwhelmed with creepy messages and mentally check out. The only exception seems to be eHarmony but I wasted literally hundreds of dollars on that site. Even with over 25 first dates from that site alone, it is very clear that it is a case of quantity over quality and there is usually a VERY good reason they are still single. That's not even getting into the fact that most women have ridiculous laundry lists of irrelevant things.

fluffysausrus wrote:
I don't think the job is the biggest block to a relationship for most guys on here either, but it's possibly the most obvious.

Thanks for the kind words.
I maintain that the biggest obstacle that most Aspies face is the same one that I believe kept my wife single for so long (I am NOT complaining about that :D ). When I went on the first date with her, she was polite, well spoken but she didn't have 'presence' for lack of a better word. If I didn't know about things like anxiety, autism, adhd, etc I would have just wrote her off as disinterested. I honestly didn't think she was into me at all after the third date but I decided to go "all in". While it led to failure the last few times I tried it I was obviously successful with her! I now clearly realize she is a slow mover and is intensely private and I had the wrong idea of her at first.


Yes! that sounds exactly like me. Looking back I think I might well have come across as disinterested, particularly with being a slow mover. Third date and then nothing, I thought it was just because I wasn't fast enough but now I think if I had made it clearer that I liked them, then perhaps things might have gone better.

I'm not sure on how to actually do this though.


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Aaron Rhodes
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23 Nov 2017, 12:06 pm

To the OP, you were turned down for an obvious reason. You have to keep in mind that being in a relationship means sharing a part of your life with another human being. If you are only working part time trying to support yourself, imagine how difficult it will be trying to support for someone else as well, or even providing for a family eventually. The dating agency is looking for people with financial stability, which shows that they are capable of providing for both themselves and their potential partner.



BTDT
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23 Nov 2017, 12:12 pm

https://www.virtualdatingassistants.com ... search-url
POF has an advanced search that allow you to search for women who aren't ambitious. You might try searching on just that. Sometimes searches don't work because you are putting in too much stuff. Unless you live in a big city you really can't expect to find someone that matches all of your search choices. It is better to search on the most important thing first, and perhaps add one or two more if you get a lot of hits to narrow things down.



Last edited by BTDT on 23 Nov 2017, 12:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Marknis
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23 Nov 2017, 12:13 pm

Aaron Rhodes wrote:
To the OP, you were turned down for an obvious reason. You have to keep in mind that being in a relationship means sharing a part of your life with another human being. If you are only working part time trying to support yourself, imagine how difficult it will be trying to support for someone else as well, or even providing for a family eventually. The dating agency is looking for people with financial stability, which shows that they are capable of providing for both themselves and their potential partner.


I've seen people who are homeless or on welfare who are in relationships. It's variable depending on the situation.

I've actually had a relationship before. I just wish another would happen in my life because I sometimes feel like either my time is running out or if it already has.



Aaron Rhodes
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23 Nov 2017, 12:42 pm

I never said it was impossible. It's just that specific dating agency you went to likely had a policy regarding financial stability. You are right that it's variable depending on the situation. I can only see two reasons someone would turn you down for that reason, and it's either because they are looking for financial support, or they have a shallow personality.



fluffysaurus
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23 Nov 2017, 1:05 pm

Marknis wrote:
Aaron Rhodes wrote:
To the OP, you were turned down for an obvious reason. You have to keep in mind that being in a relationship means sharing a part of your life with another human being. If you are only working part time trying to support yourself, imagine how difficult it will be trying to support for someone else as well, or even providing for a family eventually. The dating agency is looking for people with financial stability, which shows that they are capable of providing for both themselves and their potential partner.


I've seen people who are homeless or on welfare who are in relationships. It's variable depending on the situation.

I've actually had a relationship before. I just wish another would happen in my life because I sometimes feel like either my time is running out or if it already has.


The dating agency are fitting the requirements of their clients, which is fine, some men/women are like that, they assume everyone without a well paid full time job is a looser, forget them, they're idiots. I'm completely biased, I work part time. :D

Like you put, not everyone feels that way, there are men in relationships who are obviously earning little or nothing, I know quite a few and they still contribute. Relationships are about teamwork, getting a girlfriend doesn't mean you suddenly become soley responsible for supporting another adult.


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fluffysaurus
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23 Nov 2017, 1:16 pm

Aaron Rhodes wrote:
I never said it was impossible. It's just that specific dating agency you went to likely had a policy regarding financial stability. You are right that it's variable depending on the situation. I can only see two reasons someone would turn you down for that reason, and it's either because they are looking for financial support, or they have a shallow personality.


No I think it's most likely because people with well paid full time jobs often think everyone who doesn't is lazy and or stupid. Men are more likely to overlook these faults in a woman, if they find her attractive. Few women find men attractive if they see them as lazy and stupid. The OP needs to be concentrating on women who don't think that way, who he is more likely to find among those also working part time.


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23 Nov 2017, 1:30 pm

Marknis wrote:
I just wish another would happen in my life because I sometimes feel like either my time is running out or if it already has.

:wall: :wall: :wall:



Marknis
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23 Nov 2017, 2:45 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Marknis wrote:
I just wish another would happen in my life because I sometimes feel like either my time is running out or if it already has.

:wall: :wall: :wall:


Please understand. I want to feel like it's still possible. It's just I've had so many disappointments in the last few years that it discourages me so much.



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23 Nov 2017, 2:55 pm

GHF was in almost precisely the same boat you’re in now when he was 29.

Now, at 32 or so, he’s married.



sly279
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23 Nov 2017, 6:24 pm

GiantHockeyFan wrote:
sly279 wrote:
It is for me. Women where I live want successful ambitious men ie men with good jobs. They specifically say so. They don’t beat around the bush they come straight out and say it then call me and men like me who don’t meet that not real men.

Sounds to me like a lot of the profiles I saw on POF:
"No games"
"No bad boys"
"Not interested in a hookup"
When I see those terms, it is inevitable that she will date the same losers over and over again. You have to learn not to take statements like that at face value.


Forgot “no drama”

“Must have car, job and own place”
“Must have your life together”

They don’t seem to date anyone as no one meets their requirements to them most men are losers, I’m a loser.



sly279
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23 Nov 2017, 6:27 pm

Aaron Rhodes wrote:
To the OP, you were turned down for an obvious reason. You have to keep in mind that being in a relationship means sharing a part of your life with another human being. If you are only working part time trying to support yourself, imagine how difficult it will be trying to support for someone else as well, or even providing for a family eventually. The dating agency is looking for people with financial stability, which shows that they are capable of providing for both themselves and their potential partner.

Thought women wanted equality thought women were independent? So why do they need a man to provide for them?



sly279
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23 Nov 2017, 6:28 pm

BTDT wrote:
https://www.virtualdatingassistants.com/pof-advanced-search-url
POF has an advanced search that allow you to search for women who aren't ambitious. You might try searching on just that. Sometimes searches don't work because you are putting in too much stuff. Unless you live in a big city you really can't expect to find someone that matches all of your search choices. It is better to search on the most important thing first, and perhaps add one or two more if you get a lot of hits to narrow things down.

Probably not many, seems most women are ambitious while most men are lazy. Why’s evolution doing that?

Isn’t that a paid feature similar to narrowing down to only thin women?



sly279
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23 Nov 2017, 6:31 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
GHF was in almost precisely the same boat you’re in now when he was 29.

Now, at 32 or so, he’s married.

Except he had a good paying full time job.
What’s next you going tell us bill gates was in the same position. No bill gates is a billionaire he had a lot more going for him so did GHF.
I have no doubt that if I had a full time job and car I’d be getting dates at least. Might even have a gf even if she just sees me as a wallet,



ManaLDN
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23 Nov 2017, 6:40 pm

sly279 wrote:
Thought women wanted equality thought women were independent? So why do they need a man to provide for them?


I think that, rather than providing for them, they may want to avoid being weighed down if the potential partner earns significantly less, as I assume we are talking about women who are financially stable. Otherwise, maybe it's because some women don't care about independence. Broad topic.



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23 Nov 2017, 7:05 pm

sly279 wrote:
BTDT wrote:
https://www.virtualdatingassistants.com/pof-advanced-search-url
POF has an advanced search that allow you to search for women who aren't ambitious. You might try searching on just that. Sometimes searches don't work because you are putting in too much stuff. Unless you live in a big city you really can't expect to find someone that matches all of your search choices. It is better to search on the most important thing first, and perhaps add one or two more if you get a lot of hits to narrow things down.

Probably not many, seems most women are ambitious while most men are lazy. Why’s evolution doing that?

Isn’t that a paid feature similar to narrowing down to only thin women?


Lord only knows.

If a chick wants a big house, fancy car, ect. she should get off her butt and earn it.


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