Would it be harder for an ugly guy on the spectrum?

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Just wanted to leave a quick note here for any moderators directed to this thread, I in no way feel offended or harassed by anyone, everyone has a right to an opinion, freedom of speech is still a thing for some of us, to the person who PM'd me regarding this thread, I totally understand where you are coming from, but if you don't like what anyone has to say you have every right to ignore it, I won't be making any reports, thank you.

If their personalities matched really well with mine then I don't see why not. Not exactly my ideas about good looking guys, but what I'm looking for in a partner has more to do with how he can please my mind and heart instead of my body and eyes. Not that I'm saying appearance doesn't matter to me at all, but it is rather irrelevant if someone, who was a perfect match to my personality, appeared.

Do you need to be handsome in the eyes of a woman? Won't it be enough if she falls in love with your personality?

Also, I highly doubt every woman has seen you or your picture, so there can still be someone out there who doesn't think of you as ugly.

I have to post a general comment to all this. I truly can't know what goes on inside @Probably_Drunk's head, but the fact of the matter is that romantic attraction is entirely unfair and has no bearing on whether or not a person "deserves" the companionship of a life partner. In fact, even simple friendship is heavily predicated on appearance. There was a piece on the morning news (I have the day off from work otherwise I would not have seen it) about how quickly people judge each other solely based on appearance.

In this regard, men may have some advantage over women. Some physical traits that are generally considered "ugly", or even in some cases obesity, won't necessarily deny a man female companionship, as the factors that attract women to men are somewhat more complicated. Sorry to generalize about this, but it's basically true.

If I go to the mall, and consider every female over the age of 18 I see there, and sort by whether I could imagine her as a sex partner, I have to confess that the number of rejects would probably represent the vast majority. I often see this as a problem on L&D when men freely claim that "any woman" can go out and find someone to have sex with if they'd just relax their standards a bit. The fact is that the aforementioned group of rejects are invisible to these men — they are simply not included in the statistical sample.

When it comes to choosing a life partner, things get even worse. There's plenty of women who could probably manage some one night stands if they made it clear that was truly all that mattered to them, but compared to more attractive women they WOULD have to lower their standards, which is frankly demeaning if you were to point out to them that they will always be disadvantaged when seeking a mate. It is quite clear to me which women on this forum are attractive and which aren't. The former may complain about lovers' behavior but seem always to have male companionship of some sort. The latter seem to never even find a date. Yeah I truly believe things are worse for women overall, but if you're the Ugly Guy of the subject line then that won't make you feel any better.

I'll confess right now that I've been plenty guilty of judging women on the basis of looks, despite not being God's gift to women in any way. I can remember the last woman I dated before meeting my wife — who was a fantastic bedmate — and thinking about what tiny eyes she had and did I really want to look at them the rest of my life (not the reason the relationship ended but nevertheless there it is).

It's possible some people on the spectrum are faceblind to the extent they are truly less affected by looks. But OTOH I think the lack of empathy actually makes things worse; harder to perceive a person's "inner beauty" and more influenced by outward appearance. In fact I'm almost certain that's my own problem. I value my wife largely due to her appearance and how gracefully she has aged. In fact my belief that she would keep her looks for a long time (and the fact that she is a few years younger anyway) had a lot to do with my willingness to marry her. A horrible confession but there you have it.

One other thing. Regarding getting one's teeth fixed, this can be extremely expensive. It is certainly expensive in the US despite which fact I have generally observed that Americans tend to have better teeth than people from other countries even a wealthy country such as Japan. So you can't just dismiss somebody for not getting their teeth fixed, or their nose for that matter (unless necessary for proper breathing rather than purely cosmetic). This is just out of reach for many, perhaps most folks on WP.

In summary, we live in an ugly world and it's our lot to deal with it.

I think if someone calls you ugly you should really consider if that's the kind of person whose opinion you should respect, to me ugliness and attractiveness are nothing to do with physical appearance, and I certainly don't believe that my beliefs are exceptional.

I think the bigger issue for most people who are struggling to find someone is one of self-confidence, it's a case of someone listening to degrading comments from shallow and ugly-minded people, and then closing themselves off from opportunities to meet genuinely kind and caring people through feelings of self-doubt and unworthiness.

Most guys I've dated on spectrum have had crushing self-confidence issues and it can really take a long time for them to open up and be themselves, to be able to get to know them, I think these guys would meet allot more kind and caring people if they could learn whose opinion they should respect and whose opinion they should disregard.

Kind, caring and considerate people want to be with kind, caring and considerate people, we simply struggle to find them because they hide away, because they are paying far too much attention to the opinions of shallow, inconsiderate and ugly-minded people.

I've gone out on dates with allot of guys, it rarely goes beyond that because you need to find someone who you are compatible with, someone you'd want to build a life with, to spend the rest of your lives together. The few guys I've had a serious relationship with have been very variable in physical appearance because that's not what attracted me to them.

If you want to meet the right person for you I'd recommend putting some deep thought into what really matters to you in a relationship, if you want to find someone kind, caring and considerate, someone who will love you for who you are, someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, you really should stop listening to the people you wouldn't want to be with anyway.

As difficult as it is learn to ignore cruel, nasty and degrading comments, learn to be more open with other people, don't be afraid to open up and tell people how you feel, learn to be vulnerable, and if someone says something hurtful or cruel it's not something you should respect or pay any attention to.

Open your eyes and look around you, plenty of people who the unpleasant side of society would consider ugly or unworthy are in loving and happy relationships, just because certain groups of people are more vocal, it doesn't make them correct, anyone can find love.

Yes, it will be significantly harder for an ugly aspie than an ugly NT as they can still use their social skills to make up for their lack of looks. This is why as an aspie, you will be doing yourself a big favor upping your looks by hitting the gym and dressing well, this way your social awkwardness wont matter much anymore.

You’d kiss and have sex with a guy you don’t find attractive at all? I couldn’t do those with a woman I don’t find attractive. Kissingnand sex is a big part of relationships. So a relationship lacking then that isntnwith two asexual people is doomed to fail.

Yes as I want to kiss them and have sex and they won’t do that with someone they find ugly. It’d be like making out with a pile of dog poop. Most people won’t do it. Not to mention if they find menugly they won’t even bother to get to know me or even talk to me so they never see my personality.
People see others first and if your ugly it’ll never move beyond just seeing. So how will they ever know my personality to fall in love with it? Unless they blind.

That's something I'm not completely sure about, but like I've said, to me a relationship is mostly about the connection of mind and heart. Sex is important to many people yes, but not all relationships need sex to work. I have a friend who has been together with an asexual for... three years? Yes, I think it's three. She's not an asexual herself, but has come to the conclusion that she likes her asexual boyfriend more than she likes sex, so she stays with him. Couples like them are most likely rare, but they exist.



Well, even if someone finds you unattractive/ugly first they might still not mind being friends with you if you're interesting to talk to. If you're interesting to talk to they'll probably spend more time with you and get to know you. Once you're friends they might get attracted to your personality so much that you actually start looking good in their eyes or they stop caring about the fact that they don't see you as attractive (yes, this really does happen.)

So you are weird and barely sexual.

But please note that the vast majority (maybe over 90%) of human population are sexual, so your case shouldn’t be taken as a possibility for ugly men.

And it’s also not realitic to expect a super ugly guy to have a *perfect personality* and to be a *perfect* match for you; such thing doesn’t exist. Also someone suffering from deformities would usually have confidence broken.

But let’s go back to reality: Most likely you will have several suitors with similar persontality traits and hence looks certainly would play a factor here in the selection process, even for someone who doesn’t like sex. The super super ugly guy wouldn’t stand a chance because he won’t have the perfect personality to compensate his lack in the looks department.

Honestly?
I feel that some of you are unrealitically ideal in theory only, and you wouldn’t apply the idealist ideals in real life beyond the screen.

I can definitely agree on the weird -part, but barely sexual... eh, well maybe, I don't really know how I'd compare myself to others when it comes to that stuff. And don't really want to know either.

I think it should be counted as a possibility. Rare (or very rare) one yes, but a possibility is a possibility.

I wouldn't really call it that unrealistic... very unlikely yes, but not completely unrealistic, I truly belive it could happen. But yes, the chances of it are low.

I highly doubt I will ever get approached by two guys who have equally great personalities (the kind that I would like in a partner), but if this did happen then yes, I would go for the more handsome one. However if two guys showed interes and one was very handsome and had okay personality and the other looked average/even a bit ugly but had an awesome personality then I'd go for the later.

Honestly, I don't think that's completely impossible, at least not in my case. While I'm pretty sure I'd act the way I have said if some guy showed interest in me, I can't say I'm hundred percent sure about it. Personally I think that no one can ever be hundred percent sure until they actually end up in a situation like that, and even if they act in a certain way once there is no quarantee they'll act the same way if there's ever a next time.

Tell you what, l am gonna challenge you, show me the pics by pm of the guys you dated or liked, and I will tell you how important or unimportant looks are for you.
No celebs please.

Why do you get to see them? I want to see them

So you are not sure... and uncertain... and don’t know unless you end up with this situation... and you would pick the more handsome if more than one suitor shows up with similar personalities.... and....you know it’s rare and unlikely to happen, to pick a such extremely hideous looking guy .... yet it’s a possibility but yet you are not sure....you are not sure how sexual or asexual you are.... and not sure about this... and not sure about that...

Duh duh duh!! Too much incertitudes. O come on.... no one can be that incertain and uncapable to imagine such scenarios.

Tell you what, l am gonna challenge you, show me the pics by pm of the guys you dated or liked, and I will tell you how important or unimportant looks are for you.
No celebs please.