Would you be willing to enter a sexless relationship?

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I love that!
It is hard unfortunately to adopt internationally as a single parent but it is being allowed in more countries these days. One warning though: you mentioned earlier that you were attracted to males and females. Most countries do not allow LGBT parents to adopt so Id be careful not to let that slip.
(Personally Id suggest South Korea but I am a little biased lol speaking of a country with lots of restrictions...)

Then you and I are in agreement here. Between a single parent and a foster care centre, the single parent is more ideal (assuming of course that they are loving and not abusive), however if the OP does decide to adopt as a single parent, I'd encourage her to adopt a girl/girls, as I think if you must have a single parent household, having a parent of the same gender as the child/ren is better for them. The biggest role model in a child's life is the same-sex parent, and I think boys who are raised by single mothers basically have to discover how to be men, and what it means to be a man on their own. Women cannot teach boys how to be men the same way men can't teach girls how to be women. In either case, the child ends up growing up with missing bits of information. There were plenty of 'male' things I had to figure out on my own because my mother is not a man and thus doesn't have all the information on what it means to be a man, and what men need to know in their lives. I also didn't develop many typically masculine interests, and I wonder if I'd had a father in my life growing up whether I would have developed some through exposure to them and getting familiar with them at a young age.

So much wrong with this, but I'll just conclude how bad it is when NDs adopt NT children and then raise them as single parents. It's even worse when she wants to adopt a child from another culture.

I'm sorry to say this, but this is just as horrible as when NTs raise NDs.

Some NT's can be great parents of ND kids. So long as they are willing to listen, and learn. I am also willing to do so.

And I'm probably going to ask for autistic children. Not to exclude NT kids but to make sure they understand that is where my strengths lie.

The fact is minorities are over represented in foster care as children, and under represented as adopters.

What's so great about it? An autistic woman that cannot even understand her own culture wants to raise an NT from another culture she doesn't know at all. Just like NTs that get autistic children cannot properly stimulate them, the same applies to autistics raising NTs. She will not understand the child's needs, and additionally won't be able to teach the child it's native culture either unless she lets the child socialize with other children of that culture.

I have experience with the bad outcomes of ND children placed with NTs, and I wouldn't even do that to my worse enemy.

Most NTs that are great parents of ND kids have ND traits.



I don't think that is enough. Most NTs are willing to do a lot for their children, but effort is not what is needed, but understanding.



It's probably true that adoptive children are more often ND. At least if you search for them in Western countries. If you get an adoptive ND child I won't complain, but it takes a bit of knowledge to sort that out.

Of course, it's much easier to get an ND child as an ND by getting one yourself.

So you want a Christian, male partner who is ok with no sex ever and who wants to adopt children with you, and then you want to adopt a child who is ethnically different from you and on the autism spectrum. Good luck with all of that. You know adoption centres aren't 'build-a-child' centers. You'll have the kids that are there to choose from and nothing more.

I do wish you the best of luck, but thinking you have any reasonable chance of getting all of that is insane. Unfortunately neither men nor children can be taylor-made to suit all your ideals and preferences. You really are asking for a lot.

Do you think NTs who conceive ND kids should give their kids to NDs who want to adopt & Do you think NDs who conceive NT kids should give their kids to NTs who want to adopt

Yep, I'd agree. It's better to have biological NT parents raising ND kids or vice versa, as even with different neurotypes, they're more likely to have traits in common and be able to come to understandings than NT parents who have no biological link to their ND kids.

What about gay couples? If they have children, their kids will have 2 adult role models but they will be the same gender, but according to you it needs to be one man and one woman, so how do you account for gay couples?

Ouch. Im an ND child who was adopted from a different country by NT parents. Whats wrong about that? I think its beautiful that people are willing to accept other children and give them the love and care they need. Adoption is a wonderful thing, and it shouldnt matter what the parents are like any more than it should matter what the children are like! Theres no reason why an ND cant be a perfectly fine mother. And there was no guarantee that her own biological child wouldve been ND either!
And I think it is especially great that she would allow the child to learn about their native culture. A lot of adopted children dont get the chance to do so. (However, its not like that really hurts the child in any way. Their race does not define them)

I never said that the child has to be anything.
I am open to any heritage
I am open to disability
I am open to any gender
My preference is ND but I am open to other neurology. (Autism is over represented in american foster care, and tend to struggle to get adopted.)

And I will work hard to keep kids outside of my culture still connected to their birth culture.

With my child I am open to almost anything at all actually. I feel with my life experience I could even do above average raising a kid with CD/ODD/RAD.

I will admit to being picky with a partner. 100%
Though I really hope me and the others on the thread who have said this or similar is what they are looking for can find men that fit that.

So now you're following me around the forum to argue. I kid, I kid.

You ask a valid question, and there are a couple of reasons.

The first (and possibly the weakest) reason being that nature has basically told us that a mother and a father are the optimal parents by virtue of it taking a mother and father to produce a child naturally. If we were meant to be raised by single parents or gay parents, that would be reflected in the human reproductive process, i.e, gay couples and single people would be able to produce offspring naturally, but nope, we need an egg and sperm. You could argue that this is an appeal to nature fallacy, but in spite of that my opinion is that it's not void of validity.

The second reason is in a single-parent household, or a gay couple household where they are one sex and their child is another, the child isn't going to have a same-sex parent to be their role-model, which means that the child is going to have to learn what it means to be a man (when raised by only women) or a woman (when raised by only men) on their own, and that makes things more difficult for the child, and I don't think that's fair.

The third reason is that without two opposite-sex parents, the child will lack perspective of what it's like living, getting along with and understanding the needs of one of the sexes. A single mother, or two lesbians raising a heterosexual daughter won't be able to teach the daughter about what men want and need for their sustenance and contentment, and in the worst case scenario, lacking a good male in the household can lead to the "othering" of men, and breeding misandry (or misogyny in the opposite scenario) among the household because there's a deficient perspective of what men are actually like.

The fourth reason is I don't think you can get as balanced a perspective about life in general without both male and female input. The same way it's thought that there should be roughly equal representation between men and women in parliament so both have the opportunity to voice their concerns and needs so things are more balanced, I would say the same principle applies (maybe loosely, but applies nonetheless) to a household. The simplest way to put it is I see men and women like yin and yang, and in my opinion a family household without one or the other can throw things out of perspective. Obviously these are all just my opinions and a child is going to turn out better in a loving single parent household than being abused by parents of the opposite gender, but I think if you're going to have children, you should aim to be as prepared as possible to bring a child into the world in as optimal an environment as possible.

From most to least optimal parents, I'd say mother and father are most optimal, then two gay parents of the same sex as the child they're raising, then a single parent of the same sex as the child they're raising, then two gay parents of the opposite sex of the child they're raising, then a single parent of the opposite sex of the child they're raising, then an adoption centre, and then abusive or neglectful parents of any sex are the least optimal.

I'm not saying that a person raised in a two-parent heterosexual household is necessarily going to turn out better than one raised by a single parent, as there are a lot of other factors to account for, but I do think it's the most optimal environment to raise a child in for the reasons stated above.

Well best of luck to you. Christians are more sexually conservative, so it will probably be to your advantage that you're after a Christian man.

I guess I'm just coming from a place that is completely antithetical to yours, and I do mean like completely antithetical. I would not accept an indefinitely sexless relationship, I would prefer an atheistic type of woman as I am an agnostic atheist myself, and I may want kids in the future, but I would only want to raise kids with whom I share a genetic connection.

ACTUALLY, multiple studies have shown that kids raised by gay parents can thrive in such an environment and are just as healthy and happy and well adjusted as kids raised by hetero parents based on a number of well being measures. A specific study focused on several couples who adopted infants within the US. About half were same sex couples- gay and lesbian. Several years after their adoption the children were assessed using a method the children’s well-being was assessed using a common outcome measure in child development, a questionnaire called the Child Behavior Checklist (CBCL). The CBCL includes scales for both internalizing behaviors (related to depression and anxiety) and externalizing behaviors (“acting out” or conduct problems). The parents and teachers were also questioned. The study found that their was no notable difference in the behavior and well being of the children of same sex parents.
There are much bigger things that can affect a growing child than whether or not they have two moms, two dads, one mom, one dad, or both a mom and a dad. If you think about it, a child doesnt actually know any better till they are old enough for society to tell them thats they are different. All they know in the beginning is that they are loved. And is that not enough?

ACTUALLY I'm not talking in terms of well-being or depression or anxiety or behavioural issues. Re-read my post and you'll see none of those things were ever even mentioned. I'm talking about balanced life perspective, having a same-gendered role-model to learn from and in the case of single parents, not living on a low income and being denied opportunities you'd otherwise have with a working parent in the household. Your reading comprehension skills need work.