Why is dating so difficult?

Post Reply New Topic

I overthink things too. He might be thinking he blew the date too.

I don't want him to think I'm boring. What if he knows someone else more talkative and interesting than me? Sigh.

I hate this.

Men seem to fancy me, but not want a relationship with me. I don't know how this is going to turn outany different.

I'm stressed.

I need to just tell him straight that I'm interested and make sure he knows.

Thing is, I don't know what to do after that. If we like each other, then what. I've never been in a relationship. I dont know what to do.

If he's also on the spectrum (sorry if I'm missing something), he definitely could also be overthinking it too. I had a classmate back in grad school who used to say to me: "don't over-analyze everything". And she wasn't alone in saying that. I still often/usually don't know when I'm doing that, when I like a girl or in most other contexts. I also have the opposite "bad habit" of often "under-thinking" things, so I've been told anyway.

Is he on the spectrum?

I genuinely have no idea.

There’s a much easier way to tell...

Haha!
Do you feel like you click with these guys, Hurtloam?

Most of the time, no.

This guy, yes. He makes me realise why all the other were wrong. I was trying to force connections with them. I actually have things in common with him. I feared it was turning out like the rest and I was forcing a connection that wasn't there again when conversation dried up over dinner.

I'm going to ask him out again. I was coming down with a cold, maybe it'll go better if I'm well.

I honestly feel, Hurtloam, that you should reflect upon your history with the guy.

You've had some good times with him. Perhaps this date was one of those dates which just didn't go well. These sorts of things happen.

If I were in your shoes, I might stew like you're stewing----but I would also add other options---such as going on another date with him.

Put on some Havel or something....that will set the wheels in motion.

I wonder then, does that make me a female? I think the same things. Hey Hurtloam I have trouble with overanalyzing things as well and it is extremely draining.

I learned one thing, if they decided to be with you that day then they must have some interest in you. I have analyzed the mess out of my relationship and 9 times out of 10 I am wrong. Trust me, I asked people and looked up on Google and tried to find something but, I never found anything because there was nothing to find just me making scenarios in my head.

The point is, if he is happy and smiling and having a good time with you then he is most likely interested if not romantically then at least platonically. He might have something going on at the moment and may need time to open up but, I think if you keep trying(without pushing of course) he will appreciate it.

Tell him that you are interested in him romantically(or at least hint to it) so he knows where you stand. If you never say anything then nothing will happen, especially if he is really shy as well. The worst that could happen is he says "No" and you just go back to being friends.(simplistic I know but I'm sure you get the point.)

I wish you the best of luck and hope everything turns out well.

I want to just get it over with now. Just tell him.

That's not very romantic is it?

Tell him, so he can say no and I can get on with my life. I'm feeling sick with anxiety.

Try and relax. Let's assume he won't reply until tomorrow morning. Just watch a show before bed, tomorrow will be here before you know it.

Oh there's no way I'm texting him. This is a conversation to be had in person.

I am at least a little romantic...

Relax, if it is meant to be everything will work out, if it doesn't you made a good friend which are hard to come by and it won't be the end of the world. There will be new days, ones which you can again meet someone that changes your life. Perhaps you can do something to take these anxious feelings off your mind momentarily, maybe go see a movie or something?

There's no such thing as meant to be.

All I get is a spark. I ask if guy wants to take it further. Guy says no.

This is the furthest I've ever gotten and I feel like its all just going to crumble like the others. I'm scared that I can not manage a relationship. That I'm too boring to hold anyone's attention.

I understand your fears, but you need to try to resist those thoughts and feelings. There is no proof that will be the case, perhaps once you finally have the chance to prove you have what it takes those thoughts and feels will diminish or you will need to battle that self doubt and overcome it. You will need to accept the idea he likes you if you want to have a chance or your self doubt could cause issues that wouldn't otherwise exist.

You are more than capable of being enough.

My friend said that he's known me for a while so I shouldn't feel like he expects me to be any different than I am. He already knows I'm a quiet person. He already likes me as a person if not romantically. I may be just what he's looking for and that's enough. It was just an off day.

I'm trying to focus on that.