Changed my profile infor and lied and results are as expecte

Post Reply New Topic

It's your depression talking here. You can improve. You can find a better job.

Why can't you save up a measly $2,000 dollars? What the hell kind of law is that? And in what way are you so disabled you can't work extra hours? What's your associate degree in?

If humanity is so bad and shallow, how come I know plenty of couples living with each other way into old age?
Not some self sacrificing saints, no way, just regular people.

In USA you are only eligible for disability benefits as long you have less than 2 000 worth of financial assets. I have never heard of any other country where government urges you to waste disability benefits.

Well that's pretty dumb. But it also means Sly's financially f****d if he can't have more than $2,000. That's not savings. That's pocket-change. What is Sly's disability and why can he work a little bit but no more than that? Is there no way Sly can push himself beyond that?

Given that I was there when many of these couples met, I stand by my statistic. Happy couples don't lie about how they met. Why would they? There is not advantage in lying. People are fascinated by a love story no matter what its components are. The only people who lie are ones who feel a need to lie about all aspects of their lives, and I don't engage with those types for long. We have no use for each other: I don't fit the fantasy they want to build and they don't fit my image of an interesting or decent person.

Sounds like we need to get you a social coach to analyze your real life interactions (see what you are misinterpreting or signaling without realizing it) and help you get some new scripts for initiating conversation. Unfortunately I can't do that from here.

They lie cause it’s embarrassing .just like you wouldn’t tell your family you shop at porn store. Imagine you met your spouse there is that a story you’d tell your family or kids?

I think online dating is becoming norm, still most people largely think tinder is just for sex hookups so I can understand why a couple wouldn’t want to tell people they met on tinder, cause they’d they’d be oh so you were looking for a sex hook up eh.

Personally I lie about stuff I do. Why? Cause it’s embarrassing and I’d rather not deal with that. So I don’t tell people I’m disabled and on disability. I’d rather they think I’m lazy.
If I met a woman on dating site I probably wouldn’t tell work people that. Thouh is not tell them if I didn’t they probably wouldn’t ask either. My point being is a lot of people would rather avoid the embarrassment.

Those probably cost money, maybe the social buddy could helped. Sadly government is too lazy to do their job and the program while I qualify for requires I be sent to them by the government. Maybe if I had my own social services person but I don’t I’m assigned to a group of them and they just pass me around until I give up and stop asking.

As for talking to women i dont know I was shy with women before this it took me from age 13 -22 to ask a woman out and message women on dating sites. Now I don’t dare even look at them if they look my way.
Peasants don’t look at royalty.

Is it embarassing?
I know exactly one couple who met via dating site. Both were looking for spouse material, they met, they found out they liked each other, they got married, they have children, they live together in another city, they never found the story embarassing.
And no, for other couples I know, I often saw them form, so no way to lie about it.

My disability is autism and adhd with some ocd. I’m one of the lower high functioning ones. I could work a few more hours maybe definitely not at this job. As is i cry most days and want to quit.
But see if I work more then 16 I’d make too much and lose my disability but then I’d. It have as much money as I do now and so I’d lose my home and stuff, and hours go up and down. One month someone here will work 40 hours a week then next month could be working 8 hours a week.
I was working 16 hours a week. Down from 20, they then as punishment dropped mu to 12 hours a week. That cost me $150 a week.
I survive cause I have disability. Work pays my food mostly. So I eat less. Though. Disability went up so it’s kinda balanced out. It’s complicated. See they want to punish people for being on welfare. If it also makes it near impossible to get off welfare, which is what they want.

I get ssdi and ssi. Ssdi is based off my work credits, they don’t care how much I save, or earn as long as it’s under 1,180 a month. If it goes over that once I get kicked off.
Ssi pays for my medical insurance. It is income based and so limits any savings or property to 2,000 dollars
So I can’t own a car that’s over $2,000. Ssdi wouldn’t care if I owned a Ferrari as long as I made less then 1,180 a month. Think elder people disabled workers etc.

But ssdi doesn’t do insurance, it does do medicine but unlike when I was jusr on ssi it doesn’t pay for all the cost of meds so I have to pay some out of pocket.
Insurance from work would cost me $200-300 a week or month it’s unclear. And wouldn’t even be as good as ssi insurance is. Mind you that’s whar I make working a month.

We also get housing and more I work less they pay. So working over 16-20 hours would ruin me financially and be worse then I am now. I can’t handle full time work. I’m exhausted from part time. Had to get accommodation via docore evaluation to reduce hours to 5 a day and 16-20 a week. Work reduced it further to punish me. Ironically in doing so reduces my efficiency and this probably going punish me again. I hurt my back trying to go faster. Probably just going be fired eventually maybe after holidays.
So even if I wanted hours they wouldn’t give them. They won’t even change my days to days truck comes in. So some days I’ve got nothing to do and get yelled at.

I really want to quit
If ssdi was like we going give you same you get now between work and ssdi I’d quit win heart bear. But as is the money is now required so I’m stuck working a job that’s solely killing me and driving me to meltdown. Mean the job causes most nts to go crazy and quit. Most work for few months year max and move onl it’s so bad even old timers have quit. Turnovers crazy I hardly know anyone, and by time I get use to them they gone.

It’s a hostile work place. I could go on but that’s nit topic for here. But I’m pushing myself. And mind you it takes me 2 hour to and 2 hours back from work transport. So my 4 hour shift is 8 hour day. And if I socialize at work I get ranted at then watch as the manager then socialize with same people. Hypocrisy. But I’m wierd and they don’t like me or maybe they’d socialize with me. Ironic since I got the job to get out and socialize and have a job so women would date me. I’m nit getting any of thwt. I’m not allowed to socialize and women say it’s nit a real job. I’m terrible at ignoring people. Sometimes I wish I was mute, least then I’d get yelled at less. I don’t want to he mute though just don’t want to be yelled at cause I worked my but off For hours but talked to coworker for few mins

For most nts it is. They even answer so on OkCupid’s question about it.

I suppose new ways of meeting or dating have been embarrassing. I doubt the kids graduating high school will find it embarrassing, but women my age do.

You guys Must have small social circles. Well actually yiur from Poland, is online dating even as big there as it is in the USA? I’m always told Poland and Eastern Europe is more traditional like USA from the 1980s.

I dont know how any of the couples I know met, definitely wasn’t there when they formed. So I’d only have to go off whatever they tell me and have no way of knowing if it’s true. I don’t know how my niece and her bf met, or how my brother and his met, but give they druggies we’d assume at some drug party but strangely they never wanted to say. Personally I don’t care how people met.seems irrelevant to me. What matters is they did and are together. But nts care about social status it’s why they photoshop pictures, dress how they do, go where they go. I guess I do too as I don’t want people knowing I’m aspie. I try to dress nice. Change pants ever day, so it doesn’t look like I wear same pair.

Some women and men are embarrassed by their spouse and will hide them from friends, family or work. That’s how important social status is.

If yiur family’s liberal you’d probably hide that you met your bf at a trump rally and vice versa for consecutive family’s. I can think of many ways people met they’d be embarrassed about and want to hide.

What if they met doing a drunker one night stand nit exactly story for family, saying they met at coffee shop would be a better one and lie but so what it’s harmless lie.

I’ve learned to lie. Such like I don’t tell people I went to college, thwt I’m disabled, that I’m sad and lonely. Why? Cause it’s embarrassing.

Last edited by sly279 on 05 Nov 2019, 4:40 am, edited 2 times in total.

I would. You'd be surprised by what people find funny if you deliver it with charisma. I was at a taxidermy class the other day and everyone was going around explaining how they heard of it (it's an extremely niche event in this country). I told them the truth - I was lurking around on a dating site and was checking out this one girl's profile when I found a photo of a dead rat up there. So I was intrigued and went through all her stuff to eventually find a photo of a stuffed rat with an Instagram tag of this organization hosting workshops. I was really curious and just decided to check it out.

So I did several embarrassing things:
1. Walked into a room of people coming from various backgrounds that made their interest in an expensive, niche taxidermy class logical, where I was the "normie" who just strolled in on a whim.
2. Was on a dating site.
3. "Stalked" a girl by scouring through her profile for information on this taxidermy thing.
4. Implied that I was romantically interested in one of the teacher's students/friends.

Was I ostracized? No. Everyone found it hilarious, decided I was likeable, and a couple even wanted to try and figure out who it was (I'd forgotten by this point) and hook us up.

My point is that embarrassing events can be funny stories if you deliver them right, and most people aren't going to judge you. Don't get too anxious about being "cool" all the time.

That’s different then hey mom dad I met my bf On tinder, yeah the sex app.
Most want their daughters to be virgins until marriage and most daughters want their parents to keep thinking they don’t have sex.
OkCupid polls of would you be embarrassed to tell people you met on OkCupid, most seem to answer yes they would be. So really depends on who you telling. Their friends might find it funny or cute or normal. Their older parents and family probably won’t.
My Christian family doesn’t know I had sex, they’ll never know. They don’t know I plan to have sex if I ever met someone, they believe in waiting until marriage.
So if I met w girl at porn shop I’d never tell them, if I met one in fetlfie I’d never tell them, I’d make up a lie.

However back when I had friends they’d probably find the meeting at a porn shop funny,my family however wouldn’t. My grandma prayed for people outside porn shops.
I don’t go to porn shops cause if this. It’s shamed in my family to use porn or mastabate.

Mesn guess if yiur family’s sexual open you’d be fine but most people’s family’s aren’t sexual open. And most older people see all dating sites as sex hook ups.
“Why don’t you meet a nice girl traditional like we did”
Why in my day .....

Yiur more social able then me. Going to class like that. I’ve gotten more repressed since getting this Job real shame since last job really got me more social. All in all besides the extra income this job was worse choice, we’ll the other job closed so I’d been out eventually but it was more like a family there and I got to see hundreds of pretty college women every day.

I doubt you can compare Eastern Europe to North America of any time. We have our specific, unique culture and you have yours. Poland is considered very conservative for a Western country but part of our long tradition is tolerance, understood as agreement for things you disapprove to happen anyway.
Our society is also not so capitalist, which means, the important social differences are not really correlated to income.
And we are within continental European dating culture, which means socializing in mixed circles and growing from friendship to relationship as a norm. Also, "non-Latino catholic" tradition of taking things slow with sex.

I can't tell much about dating apps here, they appeared when I wasn't interested anyway, but they have opinion on either cheating or matrimonial platform, not filling the in-between area.


Are there any subcultures where you could be more of yourself?

Nope.
I’m centrist political which means both sides hate me
Ironically the women who is supposedly be best with cause they’re “openminded and kind” have a dont message me if you voted for trump on their profiles. True open minded person wouldn’t reject people do to voting for other side.
Seems all women here are either liberal or conservative, most being liberal.
It seems to infect every group at every level. Probably while so many feel we on verge of civil war.

I’d be fine dating a moderate liberal but they won’t date anyone not a liberal.

Is that what you meant?

Everyone at my work is conservative, so anti welfare, people like me are lazy theifs etc.
I recently was commenting on autism page on Facebook and the. Realize it will show said comments to “friends” which includes coworkers. So I probably outed my self as a autistic lazy thief aka on disability

I’m pro gun rights. But for most thsts linked to anti welfare.

No, I meant subcultures as people who dress some way, behave some way, have their own music, that kind of stuff.
Like, I'm a geek with some affinities to Metal fans.
My Metal affinities helped me survive secondary school, the "normies" left me alone as a lost case and the "true metals" didn't care. I found out, the more geeky I look, the more leeway I get to behave a bit atypically. More space to be myself that way.

I don't know what to say to you, Sly. Every possible path you can take you find a road-block to put in front of. The life you have right now isn't working for you, but you have to make sacrifices to move forwards. If you've been able to hold down a job that most people rage-quit after a few months then that's something on your resume that's bound to impress somebody.

The brutal fact of the matter is almost no woman wants to date a guy who earns peanuts, has no savings, no assets of value, no social life, has no future and hides behind disability pension. Especially a guy who supports the right-wing, because they're the last people on Earth who are out to help the working-class and the disabled. You need to change something in your life, and that's gonna require personal sacrifice. Maybe you need to get out of your comfort zone and socialize more. Maybe you need to move somewhere and find a different job. Maybe you need to take a temporary financial hit and push yourself off the disability pension. Maybe you need to hit the gym and become super hot. But you have to do something, because you're not content, and you're not in a particularly desirable position right now.

There's options, but they take work and you have to force yourself to do them.