auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,219
Location: the island of defective toy santas
19 Jan 2021, 12:39 pm
19 Jan 2021, 12:51 pm
19 Jan 2021, 2:01 pm
auntblabby
Veteran
Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 115,219
Location: the island of defective toy santas
19 Jan 2021, 2:07 pm
19 Jan 2021, 4:03 pm
19 Jan 2021, 7:26 pm
Steve1963 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
How will she know if it's a possibility unless she tries?
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
...I’m an NT woman who had a 2 year on/off relationship with a lovely, brilliant man who very likely has ASD...
She's been trying for 2 years. If she doesn't know by now, then she may never know.... ... ...
Lol...
...You provoked a burst of laughter...NT wife, here, with only two years trying...
Post Script: Greetings to your beloved wife...
19 Jan 2021, 7:28 pm
19 Jan 2021, 7:59 pm
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
Fnord wrote:
You've been "Friendzoned".
This outcome would not disappoint me. A relationship did not work out for us, despite several attempts.
What would disappoint me, is to never hear from him again at all. I'm trying to optimize the chances that we can maintain some sort of connection.
... ... ...
NT wife, here, HAPPILY MARRIED and always striving--though not necessarily succeeding--for emotional connection with my beloved (Aspie) Husband...
In my experience, i say to you that this is a friendly forum...It is ok, here, to admit that you wish to reconnect with your Aspie on a romantic level...Intellectually, you are already well aware of the particular challenges that you will surely encounter in a neuro-diverse relationship...Emotionally, however, you are not prepare to let go...In your writing, I perceive that you are still very much attached to him and emotionally invested in his wellbeing...Perhaps, if you try adjusting your expectations of him to accommodate for his autistic traits, he may consider the possibility of trying it once more with you...
This would require you to be very honest with yourself first...So that you may be honest with him and others about your true intentions for the future of this relationship...Aspies are highly intellectual and very good at seeing behavioral patterns in others...Your persistent 'brake-ups' may have been misinterpreted by him as a form of manipulation from your behalf...As to me, i don't think that...Realising that your needs are not been met or may never be met can be excruciatingly painful to the NT in the relationship...And in the moment, we just want out...! !!...So, i understand you...Still, i also understand the love an Aspie can inspire within us...Please keep in mind that Aspies are very sensitive and vulnerable...When the relationship fails time and again, they feel like if they are the failure...
I think you are well-intended...And you posses beautiful qualities for an Aspie to have considered you...(They have high standards when it comes to moral character)...Use all of your resources in the form of kindness, and compassion, and understanding, and love to make it happen...He will respond in due time...But you first have to be sure that this time around you will be more altruistic in your efforts...Thank you for reading me...I hope to have helped...
19 Jan 2021, 8:09 pm
Fnord wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
How will she know if it's a possibility unless she tries?
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
...I’m an NT woman who had a 2 year on/off relationship with a lovely, brilliant man who very likely has ASD...
She's been trying for 2 years. If she doesn't know by now, then she may never know.... ... ...
I perceive your logical brain at its best!! !...Please take my comment as a compliment, because it is...And with all due respect, please allow me to add that, statistically speaking, neuro-diverse couples are made-up of an anxious-attachment female NT and an avoidant-attachment male Aspie...This may very well be the description of this couple...
Having said the above, to her i say: Proceed with caution but optimism...
19 Jan 2021, 8:13 pm
Steve1963 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
How will she know if it's a possibility unless she tries?
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
...I’m an NT woman who had a 2 year on/off relationship with a lovely, brilliant man who very likely has ASD...
She's been trying for 2 years. If she doesn't know by now, then she may never know.Trying for 20 years is not part of the job description! And don't you think she had many trying years prior to marrying me? My point is that you have no way of knowing what will happen to the OP if she tries.
... ... ...
THANK YOU...THANK YOU...THANK YOU...
God bless your neuro-diverse marriage with peace, tranquility, and much happiness...
19 Jan 2021, 8:16 pm
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
Fnord wrote:
If it's a relationship she wants, then she would be better off to pursue a man who is interested in her.[/color]
Well, I said I love him, and I do. I believe he loves me. But I think a viable romantic relationship is probably not possible for us.
I'd be happy with friendship. I'd be UNhappy with NO connection at all.
... ... ...
Autism, in and of itself, is NOT an impediment for a relationship...It is challenging but definitely not impossible...! !!...Unless there are other issues not related to autism...Then, i can understand why you consider this relationship has no future...
19 Jan 2021, 8:21 pm
Fnord wrote:
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
Hmm. One vote in favor of reaching out. One vote against. I'm hoping for a tie-breaker post.
You might consider your friend's disinterest as another "No" vote.You have considered his lack of interest in you as an expression of what he wants, haven't you?
I mean, our opinions really don't matter, but his do. Why do you seem to think otherwise?
... ... ...
If i may intrude...For the simple reason that Aspies avoidance-attachment is not to be interpreted necessarily as a lack of interest...
19 Jan 2021, 8:32 pm
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I would put my veto vote: No.
/end of thread
/end of thread
... ... ...
LOL...
You always provoke a burst of laughter in me
19 Jan 2021, 9:20 pm
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
I would put my veto vote: No.
/end of thread
/end of thread
Noted, with thanks. LOL
I realize there's really no "right" answer. I'll just sit and wait. I did commit to NOT reaching out to him anymore, and if only for my own integrity, that's what I'll do.
... ... ...
Sounds like you are one proud lady
...No offense intended here...Nothing wrong with having a healthy degree of pride...I call it DIGNITY, and it helps us to face the world with our heads high...But you don't have to act proud with an Aspie...Generally speaking they are humble in nature...There is no need to protect yourself from a Aspie as they will not intentionally hurt you...You may have to rethink your firm stand and make an exception here...
19 Jan 2021, 9:29 pm
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
Steve1963 wrote:
Happy_Fun_Ball wrote:
I did commit to NOT reaching out to him anymore, and if only for my own integrity, that's what I'll do.
Under what circumstances? Did he prompt this or what it of your own doing?When we parted ways late last year on the relationship side, it was his choice, but we both wavered at the time. I told him I would help make it "stick" by committing not to reach out to him anymore. We have a history of short break-ups and reconciliations.
... ... ...
I understand first-hand the dynamics you are describing here above...Emotions unlike logic are unpredictable...Thus, it is extremely painful--not just for NTs--for Aspies when dealing with emotional beings like us female NTs...Still, with each quarrel, the NT learns something important about her Aspie that helps improve the relationship...And the Aspie as well is very capable of learning about her NT as he strives to accommodate for her emotional needs...So, yes, it is possible to make it work through trial and error.. As long as both sides are determined...And as long as both sides put their pride aside...And most importantly, as long as both sides can forget and forgive, truly forgive...A fresh-start is very possible...
19 Jan 2021, 9:41 pm
