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The Need for Romantic Intimacy

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Mona Pereth
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03 Feb 2022, 11:56 am

Muse933277 wrote:
Unfortunately, there are very little services to help people find love. Because of your autism diagnosis, if you are unemployed and struggle with finding a job, there are services near your area that can help you search for and gain employment, and a company may be willing to hire you. As for dating, if you're struggling with dating and finding a girlfriend, there are no disability services available that can help people who are struggling with dating to find love. And I think a big reason for that is for a number of reasons. If there was a disability match-making service, it would probably be dominated by men, since being autistic is much of a dating handicap for men than it is for women.

... but there are also some mental conditions, such as clinical depression, that afflict primarily women.

Here's an old Reddit thread about the idea of a dating service for depressed people. Most people in the thread, including the OP, thought it was a bad idea, because depression makes it extremely difficult to have a healthy relationship.

However, I wonder why no one seems to have thought of the idea of some sort of program for depressed people involving some combination of online support groups, match-making, and couples counseling.


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JimJohn
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04 Feb 2022, 11:06 am

In a hunter gatherer society, men are friends with other men and women visit their huts at night. It is even true of agrarian societies of three generations ago. Men and woman keep separate to a degree.

Men love women. Women love children. And, children love puppies.

The first step towards having friendships is having friends with men.

The problem lies with when you can't take care of yourself and you have no children, and you are of no use to the tribe. The mother of your children will have moved on by then.

This was a ramble, but I don't see how people can disagree with it. Leaving all of your social needs in the hands of one person is not a good idea.



WantToHaveALife
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11 Feb 2022, 12:29 pm

reminds me i viewed a very powerful post about escorts and sex workers



The Grand Inquisitor
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17 Feb 2022, 12:23 pm

I'm tired of going through life like this. Year after year pining for romance, but in spite of my burning desire, I find myself feeling completely powerless to get that which I crave more than anything.

I really don't want to watch myself keep getting older and older and still having no real life romantic experience. Death is a preferable alternative, and it feels like the only real power I can exert over my situation is ending my suffering by ending my life. I'd much rather get the romantic fulfilment I crave, but there doesn't seem to be an avenue to facilitate that.

It's hard being in a position where my confidence has been gradually depleted by my perpetual inability to date over the course of years, and now not only is my lack of confidence likely to make it very difficult for me to cultivate a romantic relationship (and the only real way to increase my confidence is through receiving romantic validation), but now my inexperience is going to be a deal-breaker for some women. It's an infuriating position to be in.

This has to end, one way or another, and my patience has been stretched far beyond its limits. I feel like I need a f***ing miracle.



The Grand Inquisitor
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21 Feb 2022, 6:17 pm

Crickets, eh? Well that's disappointing.

I guess nobody has anything more to say.



r00tb33r
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21 Feb 2022, 6:30 pm

What are you doing about it?



Mona Pereth
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22 Feb 2022, 4:25 pm

Muse933277 wrote:
Well if it makes you feel any better, the rate of young men not having sex is on the rise. There was a very big survey that even made the news, and it reported that 19% of women and 28% of men between 20-30 didn't have sex in 2018. In 2008, both of those numbers were 10%. So it's gotten harder for people to date and especially young men.

Can you provide a source for this story?

Do these statistics apply to the entire Western world, or more specifically just the U.S.A.?

I would expect this situation to be more extreme here in the U.S.A., especially in those states with restrictive abortion laws.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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22 Feb 2022, 6:30 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
Muse933277 wrote:
Well if it makes you feel any better, the rate of young men not having sex is on the rise. There was a very big survey that even made the news, and it reported that 19% of women and 28% of men between 20-30 didn't have sex in 2018. In 2008, both of those numbers were 10%. So it's gotten harder for people to date and especially young men.

Can you provide a source for this story?

Do these statistics apply to the entire Western world, or more specifically just the U.S.A.?

I would expect this situation to be more extreme here in the U.S.A., especially in those states with restrictive abortion laws.

I found what I believe is the original source. These are American statistics, but I'd dare say they're indicative of trends in the broader western world.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/

I also found a graph that indicated that 27% of American men under 30 hadn't had sex since turning 18. So basically, it seems that most young men who haven't had sex in the past year, probably haven't had sex at all.



Mona Pereth
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22 Feb 2022, 7:55 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I found what I believe is the original source. These are American statistics, but I'd dare say they're indicative of trends in the broader western world.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/

I also found a graph that indicated that 27% of American men under 30 hadn't had sex since turning 18. So basically, it seems that most young men who haven't had sex in the past year, probably haven't had sex at all.

I would hesitate to generalize from the U.S.A. to the rest of the Western world. Most other Western countries don't restrict abortion nearly as much as many states here in the U.S.A. You do understand that strict abortion laws would make young women less inclined to have casual heterosexual sex?

Worldwide there's a slight shortage of young women due to a history of female infanticide in some countries. But that problem affects mainly some non-Western countries, not any Western countries that I'm aware of.


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The Grand Inquisitor
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22 Feb 2022, 8:36 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
I found what I believe is the original source. These are American statistics, but I'd dare say they're indicative of trends in the broader western world.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/

I also found a graph that indicated that 27% of American men under 30 hadn't had sex since turning 18. So basically, it seems that most young men who haven't had sex in the past year, probably haven't had sex at all.

I would hesitate to generalize from the U.S.A. to the rest of the Western world. Most other Western countries don't restrict abortion nearly as much as many states here in the U.S.A. You do understand that strict abortion laws would make young women less inclined to have casual heterosexual sex?

Worldwide there's a slight shortage of young women due to a history of female infanticide in some countries. But that problem affects mainly some non-Western countries, not any Western countries that I'm aware of.

If lack of abortion rights is the driving force behind this trend, why isn't it women who are disproportionately virgins?



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22 Feb 2022, 8:45 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
If lack of abortion rights is the driving force behind this trend, why isn't it women who are disproportionately virgins?
On an evolutionary level, the notion of being sexual with a beta male is SO DISGUSTING to all women, that they'd rather share an alpha male with multiple women, even simultaneously, or have sex with another woman who hasn't showered in days, than do anything sexual with a lowly beta male. After all, only 20% of men are alpha. Which means women are left with a dilemma they can easily solve thanks to their evolutionary instincts. Meanwhile, the 80% of beta males have no choice except masturbate or hire an escort.


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kraftiekortie
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22 Feb 2022, 9:00 pm

Nobody has ever been "disgusted" by me.

I'm certainly not in the "top 20% of men" ! !! !! !!

I'm not even 5 foot 5, and I'm chubby, and I'm socially awkward, etc.

I'm as "beta" as they come......

Yet.....I've been with quite a few women.



The Grand Inquisitor
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22 Feb 2022, 9:11 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
If lack of abortion rights is the driving force behind this trend, why isn't it women who are disproportionately virgins?
On an evolutionary level, the notion of being sexual with a beta male is SO DISGUSTING to all women, that they'd rather share an alpha male with multiple women, even simultaneously, or have sex with another woman who hasn't showered in days, than do anything sexual with a lowly beta male. After all, only 20% of men are alpha. Which means women are left with a dilemma they can easily solve thanks to their evolutionary instincts. Meanwhile, the 80% of beta males have no choice except masturbate or hire an escort.


Read my question properly. This was for Mona in response to her claim that a lack of abortion rights could be contributing to rising virginity rates. You're not engaging with the question I asked. You're regurgitating dogmatic talking points that have a hint of truth behind them, but are exaggerated to absurdity.



Last edited by The Grand Inquisitor on 22 Feb 2022, 9:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The Grand Inquisitor
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22 Feb 2022, 9:18 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Nobody has ever been "disgusted" by me.

I'm certainly not in the "top 20% of men" ! ! ! ! ! ! !

I'm not even 5 foot 5, and I'm chubby, and I'm socially awkward, etc.

I'm as "beta" as they come......

Yet.....I've been with quite a few women.

I wish I had your luck.

Instead, society and most people I talk to about this constantly beat me over the head with the notion that I'm simply not good enough, and suggest that I pull myself up by the bootstraps or become someone I'm not in order to be successful.

Is it any wonder I'm depressed?



kraftiekortie
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22 Feb 2022, 9:19 pm

It makes sense. Women don’t want to get pregnant before they are ready.



Mona Pereth
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22 Feb 2022, 9:20 pm

The Grand Inquisitor wrote:
If lack of abortion rights is the driving force behind this trend, why isn't it women who are disproportionately virgins?

I think it's one of the driving forces, but not the only one. And indeed, according to the Washington Post story, the number of young women who are not having sex has gone up too, though not as much as the number of young men.

Other factors driving the trend, according to the Washington Post story, are that more young men are unemployed or under-employed, and that more young people are living with their parents, which makes it hard to have enough privacy to have sex.


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