Should you save sex for marriage?
Something I might not have mentioned too is that personal circumstances change as people get older and some people could have a lot of assets that need protecting which any would-be partners need to see from a spouses point of view.
It's not fair or reasonable to make an appearance in someone's life when they're potentially middle aged while expecting them to sign their house on the dotted line before even having sex. A day late and a dollar short comes to mind if older virgins/ anyone in general are still playing that game with people they know have a lot to lose.
Someone needs to be on crack to think that's reasonable and not manipulative behaviour. That would be a massive red flag to me.
Last edited by Nades on 23 Aug 2023, 11:20 am, edited 2 times in total.
well now.. guess am gonna be a red flag, cause, getting just past middle age and already being married once
am tired of people using a person and screwing them over,getting sex then going off on their own, If am gonna get married again,NO SEX, at least till after the ceremony , (but that doesnt mean no playing around).but without intercourse. If in the longer run, this intended person better be capable of carrying on a long term life relationship.
Or will happily see them to the door .As you age you are more careful about your investments especially in emotional investments....
And sex afterwards ,if the relationship has traction...can make the marriage ritual alittle more special as it has been
since very old times ...and the values that come with it . . Understood about wanting to sample the goods,but playing around with your mate privately,might be a indicator of that same sampling the goods ,And even if that blows up there is still the option of anullment . ( maybe a product of a older generation)
And btw older peoples health usually cannot support use of illicit drugs if you want to have any investment in your health or your mates health.Or a successful marriage.RED FLAG waver
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I didn't specifically save myself for marriage, but the woman I married was the first person that I'd slept with and the process of dating to engagement to marriage was quick enough that I wound up losing my virginity after getting married.
I definitely don't recommend it if you've got the option of losing your virginity prior to marriage. I'll leave out a lot of the details because they'd be rather explicit. But, suffice it to say there's a lot of things that you want to get right when it comes to sex and trying to do that on the same day that you just got married is asking for trouble in bed. It would have been nice to have been able to focus on being there in the moment mentally, not dealing with the major changes involved with now living with somebody that I hadn't been living with.
Also, I do think that it's a good idea to live together or at least a short period prior to getting married for similar reasons. Especially for NDs that have a sense of how we need things to be organized to function. Working that out prior to tying the not is really helpful and something I wish I had known to do.
^^^ Agrees with the above post.. before marriage we played house together for almost a year ...And very possibly will do so , if in fact, i do try to marry again. But it was pre-known that intercourse was off the table till paperwork was done for marriage. It seemed like the Pragmatic thing to do ,(Emotions Notwithstanding)
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I definitely don't recommend it if you've got the option of losing your virginity prior to marriage. I'll leave out a lot of the details because they'd be rather explicit. But, suffice it to say there's a lot of things that you want to get right when it comes to sex and trying to do that on the same day that you just got married is asking for trouble in bed. It would have been nice to have been able to focus on being there in the moment mentally, not dealing with the major changes involved with now living with somebody that I hadn't been living with.
Also, I do think that it's a good idea to live together or at least a short period prior to getting married for similar reasons. Especially for NDs that have a sense of how we need things to be organized to function. Working that out prior to tying the not is really helpful and something I wish I had known to do.
It's easier to get it out the reasonably quickly and ideally if waiting until marriage is a big deal for some, then get married young.
As people get older, it just gets complicated. Some can be at huge financial risk getting married while others will only gain from it. If someone is doing well for themelves at 30+ then they will hardly be starting on the level playing field youth once afforded them, ready to build a life with someone. It becomes quite the opposite for some.
I would be unhappy with a girlfriend or long term "date" if she dropped the "I'm waiting until marriage" bombshell on me while she knew full well I have a house at stake. It shows a complete disregard to my personal circumstances while also bigging herself up in bedroom. Over my dead body would I expect someone to do the same for me and I would dare not ask, such is the level rudeness.
It'll be walking out in the middle of a date level of deal breaker. "Do you think I'm on drugs or something?" is the first thing I would think and possibly utter out.
Last edited by Nades on 23 Aug 2023, 11:42 am, edited 1 time in total.
I'd say, at least save sex until you make sure everyone involved is on the same page about it... to avoid a situation where for one person it's a one night thing while the other expects a committed relationship.
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This is a good advice.
Also, welcome back.
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It helps. The most recent woman I dated who wanted to wait until marriage was actually dishonest about it for quite some time.
She was probably religious, saying phrases like "my goodness" instead of "oh my god" because God was a rude word apparently. She never said she was religious though.
Not saying "oh my god" dodging and shutting down any adult talk and then eventually saying she wanted to wait until marriage when she knew full well I had a lot at stake from getting married. It was obvious she was a church goer.
She just seemed rude and utterly clueless to the perspective and concerns of others. Talk about putting high expectations on herself in the bedroom when I have to sign over my lifes work to even get that far too.
She could have saved both of our time if she was upfront about it to begin with. She's still single now and has had zero luck, no surprise.
It is really but the law makes it transactional and even more so if someone is getting married at a later age.
If the laws were more fair then it would.make it better for everyone I think a d I certainly wouldn't be so uptight about dating someone who wants to wait until marriage.
I definitely don't recommend it if you've got the option of losing your virginity prior to marriage. I'll leave out a lot of the details because they'd be rather explicit. But, suffice it to say there's a lot of things that you want to get right when it comes to sex and trying to do that on the same day that you just got married is asking for trouble in bed. It would have been nice to have been able to focus on being there in the moment mentally, not dealing with the major changes involved with now living with somebody that I hadn't been living with.
Also, I do think that it's a good idea to live together or at least a short period prior to getting married for similar reasons. Especially for NDs that have a sense of how we need things to be organized to function. Working that out prior to tying the not is really helpful and something I wish I had known to do.
It's easier to get it out the reasonably quickly and ideally if waiting until marriage is a big deal for some, then get married young.
As people get older, it just gets complicated. Some can be at huge financial risk getting married while others will only gain from it. If someone is doing well for themelves at 30+ then they will hardly be starting on the level playing field youth once afforded them, ready to build a life with someone. It becomes quite the opposite for some.
I would be unhappy with a girlfriend or long term "date" if she dropped the "I'm waiting until marriage" bombshell on me while she knew full well I have a house at stake. It shows a complete disregard to my personal circumstances while also bigging herself up in bedroom. Over my dead body would I expect someone to do the same for me and I would dare not ask, such is the level rudeness.
It'll be walking out in the middle of a date level of deal breaker. "Do you think I'm on drugs or something?" is the first thing I would think and possibly utter out.
It wasn't really something that either of us demanded, it just kind of felt like at that point, why not. And in all honesty, the stuff that I left out due to this being the wrong forum only affects an extremely small number of men that aren't porn stars anyways, it's not like there was any reason for me to think about it ahead of time.
I suppose, but the only things that people get out of a formal marriage that can't otherwise be had are legal in nature.
I wouldn't say that. A lot of people do it for religious reasons. That's the only reason why I got married. I never actually wanted to and had no other purpose in mind.
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