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Majority of autistuc men dont have a girlfriend?

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famimalemon
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11 Jul 2024, 3:48 am

Guess I should thank her then since I kept going after women like her, thinking I had a chance.

The next ten years were brutal though.



nick007
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11 Jul 2024, 7:21 am

famimalemon wrote:
I was approached as a teen many years ago. She was one of the popular, older girls, into drinking, partying, etc. I was just socially inept and into books. She approached me out of the blue, gave me her email address and told me to write. I just sent one email and forgot to reply when she wrote back, because I didn't understand what was going on. 2 weeks later she sends another one saying "write back or I'll scratch your eyes out, you dumb***."

We exchanged emails for six months, then she said she didn't want an "email relationship", and threw me to the lions (bullies).

I still don't understand things from her point of view... Can you shed any light?
This reminds me when I was a senier in high-school one of the girls in my business math class gave me a number & told me to call her & the number didn't even work :wall: She was one of the more popular girls into partying & I wasn't really wanting a relationship then anyway. Plus I hate talking on the phone so I'm actually kind of glad she didnt give me her real number.

When I was 20 I coulda had sex with one of my cousin's roomates while I was staying there for a weekend. The girl was a sl#tty(my cousin's wordimg) party girl type. I turned her down because I was in my first relationship at the time. Shortly after I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me that same weekend with her ex because he offered her drugs. The experience helped me be sure that party girls who sleep around are not a good match for me.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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11 Jul 2024, 2:32 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
Women can be particularly baffling.



I strongly agree on that.

You said it first. lol



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11 Jul 2024, 3:54 pm

I tend to find men even more baffling. It depends on the person though.


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IsabellaLinton
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11 Jul 2024, 3:59 pm

I think everyone's baffling, but at least with men I can tell myself I don't understand because I'm not a man.

With women, I feel like I should understand them just because I am one.

Assuming they're NT it doesn't work that way, so the disconnect seems more pronounced somehow.


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nick007
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11 Jul 2024, 4:28 pm

My girlfriend finds guys simpler & easier to understand than other women but Cass also says that neither of us conform to our gender. However she's had more in-person women friends than guy friends which has only been a couple.


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SkinnyElephant
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11 Jul 2024, 4:36 pm

nick007 wrote:
famimalemon wrote:
I was approached as a teen many years ago. She was one of the popular, older girls, into drinking, partying, etc. I was just socially inept and into books. She approached me out of the blue, gave me her email address and told me to write. I just sent one email and forgot to reply when she wrote back, because I didn't understand what was going on. 2 weeks later she sends another one saying "write back or I'll scratch your eyes out, you dumb***."

We exchanged emails for six months, then she said she didn't want an "email relationship", and threw me to the lions (bullies).

I still don't understand things from her point of view... Can you shed any light?
This reminds me when I was a senier in high-school one of the girls in my business math class gave me a number & told me to call her & the number didn't even work :wall: She was one of the more popular girls into partying & I wasn't really wanting a relationship then anyway. Plus I hate talking on the phone so I'm actually kind of glad she didnt give me her real number.

When I was 20 I coulda had sex with one of my cousin's roomates while I was staying there for a weekend. The girl was a sl#tty(my cousin's wordimg) party girl type. I turned her down because I was in my first relationship at the time. Shortly after I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me that same weekend with her ex because he offered her drugs. The experience helped me be sure that party girls who sleep around are not a good match for me.


When I was in 8th grade, a popular girl gave me a fake number.



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11 Jul 2024, 4:58 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
When I was in 8th grade, a popular girl gave me a fake number.


In the pre-internet era this was really common. I remember being on a train travelling to a school campsite (I think it was a YMCA hostel) back in 1979 and met a different group of highschool kids also going to camp. the girls from this school were really excited about meeting new students and we all spoke a lot, sang songs on the train. We swapped landline phone numbers. I gave my real phone number anticipating I'm going to have a whole heap of new female friends. Alas the girls gave out fake numbers. Of course, it made sense, we were "train friends", and they were being realistic, we weren't going to see each other again. And as it transpired we never did.



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11 Jul 2024, 6:53 pm

cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
When I was in 8th grade, a popular girl gave me a fake number.


In the pre-internet era this was really common. I remember being on a train travelling to a school campsite (I think it was a YMCA hostel) back in 1979 and met a different group of highschool kids also going to camp. the girls from this school were really excited about meeting new students and we all spoke a lot, sang songs on the train. We swapped landline phone numbers. I gave my real phone number anticipating I'm going to have a whole heap of new female friends. Alas the girls gave out fake numbers. Of course, it made sense, we were "train friends", and they were being realistic, we weren't going to see each other again. And as it transpired we never did.


This was 2005 when a female classmate gave me a fake number.

The internet existed (obviously) but was in its infancy compared to today.

To make matters worse, she didn't just give me a fake number; she also spent a whole schoolday pretending to be into me.



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11 Jul 2024, 10:10 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
To make matters worse, she didn't just give me a fake number; she also spent a whole schoolday pretending to be into me.

She probably enjoyed the attention/interaction on the day but didn't want to give you a chance to take it further as she didn't want a relationship. It's not necessarily that you weren't "dateable", you said she was attractive (well at least back in 2005) so she could have had a number of males interested in her and her social schedule was full. Alternatively she had a boyfriend already. And finally, she could be from a conservative family and didn't want to have to explain to her conservative parents why she has a male friend. Either way she's probably now in her late 30s and is just somebody you used to know.



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12 Jul 2024, 6:52 am

SkinnyElephant wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
When I was in 8th grade, a popular girl gave me a fake number.


In the pre-internet era this was really common. I remember being on a train travelling to a school campsite (I think it was a YMCA hostel) back in 1979 and met a different group of highschool kids also going to camp. the girls from this school were really excited about meeting new students and we all spoke a lot, sang songs on the train. We swapped landline phone numbers. I gave my real phone number anticipating I'm going to have a whole heap of new female friends. Alas the girls gave out fake numbers. Of course, it made sense, we were "train friends", and they were being realistic, we weren't going to see each other again. And as it transpired we never did.


This was 2005 when a female classmate gave me a fake number.

The internet existed (obviously) but was in its infancy compared to today.

To make matters worse, she didn't just give me a fake number; she also spent a whole schoolday pretending to be into me.
That's what happened with me except it was 2001. She pretended to be into me & then told me to call her & gave me a bogus number.


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12 Jul 2024, 7:36 am

Jamesy wrote:
I will nearly be 35 in september and never had a proper gf.

Do the majority of men on the spectrum remain single for the rest of there lives?


If you meet one person on the Spectrum you’ve met ONE person on the Spectrum.

I was in my late teens and early 20s when I decided to start a proper study of dating. There are many books on the subject. I talked to other people my own age and asked questions and really listened to the answers and thought about them carefully.
I took dancing lessons.
I took a more deliberate interest in how I dressed.

Some people just have a natural knack for this kind of thing. Others, like me, need to put in the effort to learn the rules of the game and how to improve.

I got married in 1998. I kept studying. Marriages don’t work out. You have to work at them.
Often when I meet a married couple that has been married longer than I have, I ask “do you have any advice?” And I listen carefully to the answer and really think about it.

I have to learn the hard way and keep putting in the effort and be willing to learn and willing to change.


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12 Jul 2024, 8:21 am

cyberdad wrote:
SkinnyElephant wrote:
To make matters worse, she didn't just give me a fake number; she also spent a whole schoolday pretending to be into me.

She probably enjoyed the attention/interaction on the day but didn't want to give you a chance to take it further as she didn't want a relationship. It's not necessarily that you weren't "dateable", you said she was attractive (well at least back in 2005) so she could have had a number of males interested in her and her social schedule was full. Alternatively she had a boyfriend already. And finally, she could be from a conservative family and didn't want to have to explain to her conservative parents why she has a male friend. Either way she's probably now in her late 30s and is just somebody you used to know.


As much as I'd like to believe your explanation, what's more likely is she was a popular girl playing a prank on the socially inept guy.

Yeah, she looked good in middle school/high school (and it's not predatory for me to say this; I'm saying this based on what my middle school/high school self thought of her). That being said, I saw a college sports picture of her. By senior year of college, her looks had gone downhill (which was over a decade ago).

We're currently 33. Your late 30s estimate is pretty close. I haven't seen her in person since high school graduation.



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12 Jul 2024, 8:24 am

nick007 wrote:
That's what happened with me except it was 2001. She pretended to be into me & then told me to call her & gave me a bogus number.


Doing the math (based on your current age), sounds like 2001 was your senior year of high school, right?



nick007
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12 Jul 2024, 8:35 am

SkinnyElephant wrote:
nick007 wrote:
That's what happened with me except it was 2001. She pretended to be into me & then told me to call her & gave me a bogus number.


Doing the math (based on your current age), sounds like 2001 was your senior year of high school, right?
Correct 8)


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12 Jul 2024, 4:56 pm

SkinnyElephant wrote:
As much as I'd like to believe your explanation, what's more likely is she was a popular girl playing a prank on the socially inept guy.


Oh! so sorry. Yes, I have seen this happen in my day too. Winning "popularity points" by pulling pranks on vulnerable classmates. School is where socially upwardly mobile kids practice their social climbing and can develop sociopathic tendencies. You were "low hanging fruit" and so in an environment where you could be (and obviously were) targeted. these types care little what harm they do.