Nice Guys and Love, what's your take on the issue

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My take:

Nice guys are usually either A intelligent or B passive.

On average most "nice" guys I have met are not aware of certain "social" things in life such as they can stand tall and still not be a "jerk". A lot of nice guys do not work out so they lose a lot of natural testosterone. On average todays society is run by women and womens laws so the nice guys fall victim to caring too much. "p**** on a pedestal" comes to mind. I have heard that phrase many times but never did I fully understand. I mean I lost my virginity just fine to a girl I barely knew. She knew me though, I made her laugh, I was knowledgeable, and the cake was that I write for a hobby. "What's a writer without his pen" haha that was what I said to her...she was mine from then on out.

The problem with nice guys is they do not have enough male influences in their lives I would go one step further to say their fathers are just as passive in life. I however have found a solution that seems to be working just fine for me. I became a man. A man is something far and few between these days. What I mean is that although my ex room mate was twenty three by age he was mentally at most seventeen. However he got "mad" p****. How? He was a good liar. His image was one of a cocky confident guy ... but in reality he was just a poser.

These days the true men do not shine like they should instead they are replaced by posers like him. But ladies, the same applies to you. A true woman is hard to come by these days. Allow me to explain the first step and then some day I will post about the rest.

Step one : Own up to your actions.

If you are late, you are late.

that is the easiest example I can give. I keep my word to everyone. If
I say something like "I will pay you back by Friday" I always will.

Well put Zane.

You need to be a real man to get women, which is really rare today. She needs to respect you, and you can't get respect by eating Haagan Daz and watching Sex and the City with her. Be a man, put your foot down when you need to and put her in her place if she's being childish. Treat her with firm respect.

I've had plenty of women, including some ex girlfriends, tell me they actually get turned on when we would argue and I would yell at her. Wierd but true.

I'm going to have a lynch mob come to my house for saying this but I can't help speaking my mind so here goes...
It's natural that females prefer to be with a male who dominates them. Sure there are strange fetishes, but a normal female does want a man to demonstrate that he knows how to be in control. We are animals and these are instinctive traits.

I wish we could evolve past the caveman days to. I'll start with myself and try to reprogram my unconscious beliefs and desires.

So... am I just showing myself up to be a total freak when really, my ideal relationship would be with someone I could consider my equal? Personally, I find the dominant/submissive thing completely repulsive.

Excellent post warrenpeace. I have been guilty of dialectic thinking in the past, and I am very analytical. There are people who are absolutely convinced that their dialectic logic is watertight, but in actual fact dialectic logic makes for a pretty poor estimate in modelling most things, and any logically minded person should be aware of self or external influence and limitations. If you want to take logic a bit further then to you need to cater to the relative, ambiguous, or random nature of things such as a 'fuzzy' logic with degrees of certainty. None of this is perfect; it is a tool after all.

You are right that tendency toward nuerotypicality (and lack of neurosis, etc) means that the person is less likely to overanalyze situations and just get on with things. However they have something else-> an inherent behaviour or instinct, which spurns an internal dialogue and also external communication with similar people. This is not an intellectual thing, and people are not even conscious of most of the time. Behaviourists struggle to understand it at the best of times. We probably know more about the behaviour of some animals than we know about ourselves. However in general there are two main areas of instinct, group behaviour and individual behaviour. Often these forces are competing with each other.

Some of the most superficial behaviours can actually stem from a very primal root. It will have its parallels elsewhere—even in the most remote and ‘unspoilt’ settlements. Behaviours can be exhibited differently, especially in high intelligent animals, with a high degree of individuality (which tends to be when living in large populations). Example: Sharks very intelligent, but less individual than say dolphins, which are social animals that swim in pods, which intern are part of ‘super pods’. Therefore sharks are less likely to exhibit individuality on a whim. Moreso if behaviour is an adaption over time (doesn’t have to be long), mainly hunting behaviour. Great white sharks are hunting machines. Individual Great Whites show variation in hunting strategy, and are therefore more or less successful at it. But they are all pretty single minded about hunting. There is no record of a vegetarian Great Whites to date, , not that such individuality is wrong in humans. On the contrary it makes things more colourful and dynamic the fact we can go against the grain and care about s**t. So therefore the hunting behaviour of sharks is considered to be more ‘imprinted’. I wouldn’t go as far to say that it is all hardware, but it is sort of like firmware.

Going back to our instincts for a minute…we do have some imprinted behaviour, but it is fair to say that for us non-Neruotypicals there is a communication gap when understanding and projecting non-verbal communication. That is not to say that we don’t understand any of it. Different people will understand different areas and have different social abilities. However it is not surprising that under the circumstances we wish to analyze things, and figure ‘it’ out for ourselves. One common stumbling block we are faced with is any of the pretty weird apparent goings on that seem less than logical and difficult to stomach . This is probably why these behaviours work outside of the conscious level, as instinctual behaviours just won’t make a great deal of sense, once you scratch beneath the surface, whilst trying to aligned them to our own singular point of view and life goals.

But what do we replace it with? That is a good question that is open to debate. You can learn form experience. That does help, but it not usually grafted on the antonymous and instinctual level. Analysis does have it limitations. Any type of thinking takes up processing time and it can actually make you less observant. I’ve found that the times where I have got interest, I was oblivious to it. This was back when I was pretty naive. However it does show that if you have no doubts (as you have no clue anyway) you can perform more naturally/less mechanically. I wouldn’t say I was hitting the all targets, but more ‘not missing’ some of them. ASD are also not pheromoneless either.

0 equals True, you are very perceptive. I'm curious about your name now.
Anyway, I'll stop thinking about metaphysics now and what is the topic? Oh yeah...Love

Love is completely irrational. Don't try to understand crazy because you'll drive yourself mad in the process.
Has anyone read Leo Buscaglia's "Love". It's a great little book.

Maybe some of the nicest people have never really experienced unconditional love so they don't know what it is.
When we look for traits and characteristics, intellect and looks, and even life circumstances when choosing a mate, that is where we go wrong. Love is just that, it's a feeling. There is no logic as we know that exists in our earthly reality.

If you meet your ideal match and he/she gets into a car accident and loses their looks, intellect, money, whatever...
Then, was it ever really love?

When you try to meet some criteria to attract a lover, you might just attract the greatest enemy instead.
So, just be your best self and wait.

Wait, I just realized that love wasn't the topic. It's nice guys vs. jerks. Everyone knows that jerks get laid more!
And superficial girls are more sexually active too. Let them all eat cake!

I empathize with your frustration in waiting. But it's like if you want to be an inventor, you have to persevere. In the same way, if you want love you have to wait and expect the unexpected. You most likely will find true love in the most unpredictable place and you have to be mentally and emotionally prepared for it. Most people will never encounter this and the majority that do will let it slip away because they are not prepared for it.

In the meantime, love everyone you can and be honest with them. Let them go and show them who you are and then leave and grow some more. Do not think that this is a black and white universe that you can control and love is God's way of teaching us this lesson.

I like vanilla but it's not because I'm a nazi. Not in this life at least...