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ruennsheng
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18 Jan 2010, 10:29 pm

I can only say this --- do not just be any other guy, just be yourself...


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release_the_bats
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18 Jan 2010, 10:38 pm

Liberal Christian aspie whose main interests are oral sex and fetishes?

I bet there are plenty in the Austin area. Probably in the largest cities in TX too. You just need to find them.

I think a good starting point would be one or more of your local fetish communities. (They exist everywhere.) There are national and regional fetish clubs that you can join or contact online, and they have regular meetings and fun events. I've noticed that a lot of people who are involved with fetish communities tend to be liberal Aspie types.

The Simpsons and South Park are good ways to find common ground with anyone anywhere.

If I were you, I'd seek out the fetish people where you live, have good geeky, liberal, intellectual conversations with them, get to know them. Bring up Christianity slowly. If you simply say, "I'm Christian," right off the bat, you could come across as a fundamentalist and people might regard you with suspicion - especially if you're new to the community. But if people have gotten to know you well enough to know that you're liberal, open-minded and into fetishes, they'll probably be pretty accepting, especially if you bring it up slowly or casually (like if the topic comes up in conversation). Fetish people tend to be really open-minded, so they'll likely be interested to hear about your beliefs once they trust you're not going to use them as an excuse to undermine the community.

Hope that's helpful . . .



Last edited by release_the_bats on 18 Jan 2010, 10:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MissConstrue
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18 Jan 2010, 10:39 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:


Quote:
Yet if I focused on personality or religious beliefs, I would have ended up with some right-wing fundamentalist who thinks that sex should only be within marriage, and only for procreation.


No Tim, they're not all like that.Image

Quote:
So I masqueraded as a liberal, pseudo-hipster, thinking it would increase my chances of finding someone sexually compatible with me.


Image


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Tim_Tex
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18 Jan 2010, 10:46 pm

release_the_bats wrote:
Liberal Christian aspie whose main interests are oral sex and fetishes?

I bet there are plenty in the Austin area. Probably in the largest cities in TX too. You just need to find them.

I think a good starting point would be one or more of your local fetish communities. (They exist everywhere.) There are national and regional fetish clubs that you can join or contact online, and they have regular meetings and fun events. I've noticed that a lot of people who are involved with fetish communities tend to be liberal Aspie types.

The Simpsons and South Park are good ways to find common ground with anyone anywhere.

If I were you, I'd seek out the fetish people where you live, have good geeky, liberal, intellectual conversations with them, get to know them. Bring up Christianity slowly. If you simply say, "I'm Christian," right off the bat, you could come across as a fundamentalist and people might regard you with suspicion - especially if you're new to the community. But if people have gotten to know you well enough to know that you're liberal, open-minded and into fetishes, they'll probably be pretty accepting, especially if you bring it up slowly or casually (like if the topic comes up in conversation). Fetish people tend to be really open-minded, so they'll likely be interested to hear about your beliefs once they trust you're not going to use them as an excuse to undermine the community.

Hope that's helpful . . .


I just want to be compatible with someone in that way, without people thinking I'm a creep or pervert. But I don't know how to express it.


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ruennsheng
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18 Jan 2010, 10:49 pm

Just look up for a girl, stare at the skies... and then when time comes...

'Hi, can we talk?'

Do not take rejection personally though...


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therange
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18 Jan 2010, 10:50 pm

I'm not saying this as an insult, but if I'm a guy with Aspergers who wouldn't hang out with Tim if I was paid to, what's a semi-good looking woman going to think about his weird theories and viewpoints on life? He's almost like Cliff from Cheers without the comedic timing.



ruennsheng
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18 Jan 2010, 10:56 pm

Do we really need to accept the alternative of no girls if we aren't able to have girls who we can attract?

And in Singapore, unfortunately, if we aren't married... We are pressured by parents, 'oh why don't you get married... Try matchmaking?' Forced marriages! Oh dear I feel unhappy and scared when I write this! :(


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Tim_Tex
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18 Jan 2010, 11:17 pm

I have seen other people talk about stuff similar to what I talk about, and they don't get trashed. I am being singled out.


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18 Jan 2010, 11:26 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I have seen other people talk about stuff similar to what I talk about, and they don't get trashed. I am being singled out.


Anyone who lists ridiculous criteria gets flamed from my experience.

Here is whats getting you flamed:

1) Making constant threads about not having a GF and sticking to ridiculous criteria and not listening to anyone who is trying to help
2) Making silly assumptions about south park and the simpsons and how it relates to what women are like in the bedroom
3) Continuing to look for silly traits in women that don't even matter because you want to be accepted when really you should be looking for any nice compatible woman who likes those traits in YOU who you fnd attractive.



release_the_bats
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18 Jan 2010, 11:28 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
release_the_bats wrote:
Liberal Christian aspie whose main interests are oral sex and fetishes?

I bet there are plenty in the Austin area. Probably in the largest cities in TX too. You just need to find them.

I think a good starting point would be one or more of your local fetish communities. (They exist everywhere.) There are national and regional fetish clubs that you can join or contact online, and they have regular meetings and fun events. I've noticed that a lot of people who are involved with fetish communities tend to be liberal Aspie types.

The Simpsons and South Park are good ways to find common ground with anyone anywhere.

If I were you, I'd seek out the fetish people where you live, have good geeky, liberal, intellectual conversations with them, get to know them. Bring up Christianity slowly. If you simply say, "I'm Christian," right off the bat, you could come across as a fundamentalist and people might regard you with suspicion - especially if you're new to the community. But if people have gotten to know you well enough to know that you're liberal, open-minded and into fetishes, they'll probably be pretty accepting, especially if you bring it up slowly or casually (like if the topic comes up in conversation). Fetish people tend to be really open-minded, so they'll likely be interested to hear about your beliefs once they trust you're not going to use them as an excuse to undermine the community.

Hope that's helpful . . .


I just want to be compatible with someone in that way, without people thinking I'm a creep or pervert. But I don't know how to express it.


Try hanging out in coffee shops in Austin with a Bible in one hand and a Cecelia Tan book in the other. :lol: (Or whatever fetish - Cecilia Tan is a writer of sci-fi and fantasy themed erotic fiction, often with a bdsm twist to it, and is a leader in the east coast bdsm community).

Idly flip back and forth between the Bible and the fetish-oriented literature. If you make a routine of this, you might attract some interesting conversation, or even the right girl for you!


(A lot of people have fetishes. You probably don't have to worry about being thought of as a pervert. The only reason I'm suggesting being somewhat open about it is to increase your likelihood of meeting someone you'd be compatible with.)



ruennsheng
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18 Jan 2010, 11:42 pm

Do not worry about feishes... Just go for it and chase for your love, man!


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Tim_Tex
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19 Jan 2010, 12:14 am

Another thing:

Even if sex weren't at the forefront of my mind, people think I am some sort of phony because I don't fit some ridiculous stereotype of what certain people should be.

For example, I am a Christian, but people doubt that I am because I am not some crazy right-wing fundamentalist who watches the 700 Club.


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ruennsheng
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19 Jan 2010, 12:22 am

Don't worry. In the end, just make it clear that you have the final say in the relationship, because you still have the final say when you're in a stable relationship with a female...


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Tim_Tex
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19 Jan 2010, 12:22 am

The reason I have so many rules is:

a) I am afraid to say what is really on my mind, because I am worried that people will think less of me if it's something they don't want to hear.

b) I fear that I will be in a relationship where the partner will try to control me.


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therange
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19 Jan 2010, 12:24 am

Tim, being nice and coddling you doesn't work, being brutally honest and borderline insulting doesn't work. I will try one last time to explain what I've tried to get across as well as others.

You have these preconceived notions and generalizations in your head "Because I'm this, people won't like me." No one is thinking the things you worry about. You don't even seem to know who "Tim" really is. You base it on things you've seen in cartoons or limited experience in relationships.

Before you even worry about getting a girlfriend, I'd suggest some counseling if you aren't talking to someone already, get your brain sorted out, your pretzel logic straightened out, and work with a clearer mind.

Insecure people that lack an identity are a turn off to most women, aspie or NT. Also, I understand the Simpsons and South Park are your special interests, but a woman does not have to like them to like you. What you should be looking for, after you do some soul searching and get the help you need, is a woman that doesn't get in the way of your special interests or doesn't mind watching an episode on occasion.

A woman liking South Park or the Simpsons has no bearing on her sexual appetite or religious beliefs. Where you get these ideas, I have no idea, and you need some psycho-analysis to figure out why your brain works the way it does.

There is no simple formula that will allow you to get a girlfriend. You just have to be a confident, likeable guy that displays a bit of a normalcy, and I don't mean NT kind of normalcy, I just mean a guy that makes sense to other people.



Last edited by therange on 19 Jan 2010, 12:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

ruennsheng
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19 Jan 2010, 12:59 am

No matter what happened...

Remember, relationships are all two-sided... And this is a fact. One gives and another accepts...

So we just work hard in our relationships...


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