Question for the women (NT and Aspie)

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Isn't that because childbirth has become safer? I think historically women died in childbirth about the same rate as men in war.

Women outnumber men by the time they reach reproductive age because men are more likely to do stupid things that they should get a Darwin award for...

If you're wondering how so many men can be single while so many women are in relationships... just think of Tiger Woods.

However in China men outnumber women because of the one child per family policy. Female infanticide is still practiced in parts of china while less barbaric methods of getting rid of females involves adopting them out. Now they're saying there will be a large increase of single men compared to women and may have to marry women from abroad.

Mother nature really knows how to backlash.

True, and I think it's mostly because of the dowry system. Poor families can't afford girls.

hahaha

Yes, childbirth has become safer in developed countries. Men tended to go to war, get in fights, jump off things, hunt down game, etc. etc. Now men do things like play Russian roulette with a semi-automatic weapon loaded with only one bullet (a real Darwin Award).

I read somewhere that there is a larger percentage of men who are gay than women who are lesbians.

Another note on women having it easier... in my case, before I was married I had a couple of guys I saw (very casually) off and on, and I still hardly ever had sex. It was not because I did not desire it or want it, it was because they were both flakes and not very good at it besides.

When faced with the option of mediocre sex or taking care of myself, I generally chose the latter. *shrugs* I imagine that most women probably come to this conclusion in that sort of situation (I cannot be abnormal about everything can I?). Besides which even men shouldn't sleep with just anyone who offers... and they certainly shouldn't expect women to do that.

Work on being the partner you would like to have, and the rest will fall into place.

If all you want is sex with no emotional/social interactions, you are better off saving up for a Real Doll. Don't knock people for trying it, it really works for some people!

Why shouldn't we sleep with anyone who offers--especially if we almost never get any offers?

So you'd have sex with any woman who offered?

To be fair, with asperger's its much easier to have all things in your life intact except that. Sexual repression+time+rejection=creepiness

I don't think you can blame Aspergers for being sexually creepy. When you just want them for the purpose of sex and you've never even had sex before, there's a problem. How can you be obsessed with something you've never experienced and look at women as objects when you've never even touched one, let alone had intercourse with one?

Disease, insanity, accidental pregnancy leading to your providing funds to someone who is crazy or diseased?



I do not think that this is true. Being desperate can turn people off, but it isn't creepy per say. It is the bitterness and the belief that the problem actually lies with your (By your I mean in the general sense, not you specifically) intended target that is creepy. Males who blame their "objects of affection" for the failure to copulate or even just develop a relationship give off a predatory air. This causes a flight response.

One must learn the difference between aggressive behavior and assertive behavior. Women (healthy women) admire confidence, they are not looking for someone who is going to act as if they are always wrong, or as if they are worth nothing except as sex objects. If one goes in with the attitude that sex is the only objective, because really you can get companionship from guys right?, then of course you are not going to do well. At least not with any healthy, sane woman.

No one is blaming these guys for wanting sex. This is perfectly natural. However even wolves are not so single minded. Pack members provide comfort, food, support... Humans are not so different.

It's guys like these ones, however, that make me hesitant to try to get sex. I wanted to have sex with a woman last year because I had feelings for her, and she told me "You might think your reason for wanting sex is different than other guys, but it still comes off the same way." I don't want to be "that guy" the way a lot of these guys are that guy.

It is possible that she had become rather jaded about the whole thing because of other guys. It is unfortunate and with Asperger's thrown in it can make it harder for those of us that are more emotion minded to tell. I am so frustrated with my son at times because he often shows no facial movement as proof of recognition or understanding.

From a Non-AS standpoint (I do not like using NT... also with ADHD NT does not exactly fit anyway...) if you get to care for someone and want to become intimate then it is a good idea to explain at least enough for them to understand your difficulties with social cues and facial expressions. That way at least they do not think you are emotionless. That small amount of understanding can alleviate a lot of misunderstandings. It does not keep me from being frustrated with my AS child, but it does keep me from being angry with him.

Not any woman, I'd have to at least not find her repulsive in either a physical or a personal sense, plus have some idea that she would cooperate with me in avoiding negative consequences of sex (pregnancy, diseases, etc.).



You practically answered your own question--a lack of an opportunity to touch women is what leads to my obsession. As Ive said too many times to count, with me it's not intercourse that is the obsession, it's being able to touch women over their entire bodies (with the obvious caveat that it's not painful or uncomfortable to them), be able to admire their unclothed selves, etc.

It's women who create the sharp distinction between sexual and non-sexual touch, rather than between acts that are safe/unsafe from a health standpoint, NOT ME. There is no obsession with holding a woman's hand or touching her shoulder, because there's little difficulty getting women to allow you to touch them in that manner.

Now some other guys might be obsessed with the act of intercourse, but that's their issue.



One of my greatest fears (basically my only) about sex is that I will get a woman pregnant and then have some obligation to her. If a woman doesn't seem like she wants that to happen as little as I do, then that does make me more reluctant to have sex with her. That doesn't mean it makes me not want to be physically intimate in other ways.



While this implied association between guys wanting sex and guys acting as if women are always wrong seems very peculiar on an intuitive level, it is actually consistent with one of my theories of why women have a different attitude toward sex than men. Namely, as women are on average more submissive than men, most (straight) men go into relationships thinking they will be dominant or, at minimum, equal, while women tend to go in thinking that they will be submissive or, at maximum, equal. And it seems (unfortunately in many cases) that nowhere do women feel more submissive than when being asked for sex. Plus, since women are more nurturing than men on average, men are less worried than women about not being taken care of as a person. Again this is all a theory, but it seems to go with what you said.

I do not think they go hand in hand because of a female's perception. I think they go hand in hand because if a male (or even a female in some cases) goes in seeing their potential mate as just for sex and nothing else then they will most likely have less respect for that person.

I believe that women are still "reared" to be more submissive, it is not entirely nature. In fact I believe it may be very little nature and very much nurture. I can be assertive if I wish, my one year old daughter clocks both of her brothers when ever she feels they are being disagreeable, and we certainly will not be teaching her to be a damsel in distress. Granted my current relationship, while an equal partnership, does tend to lean towards... "traditional", it is more because of my "dirty old man" fetish than anything else. (spouse is actually only two years older, but the appearance of a much larger age difference is in play)

Anyway... back to the actual topic. As far as being more submissive in regards to sex, that is also nurture. Even after the sixties and seventies we are still expected to be less aggressive, less interested and more delicate. A sexually aggressive woman is branded a slut. Even in this day and age. If we really like sex, as opposed to just going along with it to please a man, then we must be a nympho. Women are force fed negative body images and sexual double standards from birth.

The end result is bad for both genders.

However, males attitudes towards the very people they are trying to coax into bed does not help. At all.