Is sex only for two people who love each other?

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Is sex only for two people who love each other?
Yes and I am a man. 16%  16%  [ 15 ]
No and I am a man. 43%  43%  [ 40 ]
Yes and I am a woman. 14%  14%  [ 13 ]
No and I am a woman. 28%  28%  [ 26 ]
Total votes : 94

visagrunt
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31 Aug 2010, 1:53 pm

The possibility of laying down a simple, hard and fast rule that will apply to all people is patently ridiculous.

Sex is an activity for people (not necessary two) to participate in when they mutually consent to do so. It is perfectly appropriate for a person to refuse consent if that person believes that love is a necessary precondition to sex. But equally it is appropriate for people to consent and to participate for not greater reason than they want to do so.


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31 Aug 2010, 3:01 pm

visagrunt wrote:
The possibility of laying down a simple, hard and fast rule that will apply to all people is patently ridiculous.

Sex is an activity for people (not necessary two) to participate in when they mutually consent to do so. It is perfectly appropriate for a person to refuse consent if that person believes that love is a necessary precondition to sex. But equally it is appropriate for people to consent and to participate for not greater reason than they want to do so.
concise and well-written. i like this response.


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spongy
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31 Aug 2010, 3:26 pm

Erisad wrote:
I use WP has a venting ground because I have nowhere else. Mom invaded Facebook so I can't use that and if I talk to my friends about it,


You seriously need to have a talk with your mother, I find comments about your mom controlling your life in many threads and if you dont solve the situation soon you may have soon problems. ie: You mentioned a few times you are trying to find a suitable partner and one of the things that scare men most are daddy(or in this case mommy issues).


As for the Op, someone mentioned before that sex is only meant to be between two people who love each other, however we have all heard plenty of stories that involve cheating and so on so it doesnt allways work this way.



Erisad
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31 Aug 2010, 4:05 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
those are not laws, those are rights and freedoms, as i recall. erisad has a right to her opinion. she doesn't want the sex. you should be okay with that.

to the rest of the nastiness: all she did was try to say what was right for her, and several people made personal judgements about her. i respect her right to choose to avoid sex before marriage, for whatever reason works for her. that is her right and her choice. people are pretty nasty and judgemental about her choice on here.

i've not made a choice like that. i think it is up to each person's ideology, morals, opinions, whatever. i chose to have sex, sometimes outside of a loving relationship.

also, foreveryoung: i don't remember you posting a picture of yourself on here. would you stand up to the scrutiny?


I know right? Here I thought WP is supposed to provide support for those with AS, not form cliques and ostracize those who don't conform to the majority. Have I made several illogical generalizations? Yes. It's one of the terrible habits that is a result of my meltdowns. Did I deserve to be ganged up for it? Personally, I didn't think so but maybe I'm biased. :P

TeaEarlGreyHot - If you said that about Christians, I would accept that as your opinion and nothing more. Technically, I'm not even Christian anymore. I don't know what I am. D:

@ Spongy - I know, it's just that now is not a good time, considering I'm at college now. Also, I'm not positive if she'll loosen her grip if I mention anything. :/



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31 Aug 2010, 4:11 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
Surya wrote:
JohnisBlind wrote:

The Bay Area is where I went to college first. I thought that the values on sex that I learned were the same anywhere else in the US. Boy was I wrong.


It is horrible in some places, I spent almost a year in the US - that was enough.


@Erisad did you see the Sexuality world laws I posted?


You break a lot of them

those are not laws, those are rights and freedoms, as i recall. erisad has a right to her opinion. she doesn't want the sex. you should be okay with that.

to the rest of the nastiness: all she did was try to say what was right for her, and several people made personal judgements about her. i respect her right to choose to avoid sex before marriage, for whatever reason works for her. that is her right and her choice. people are pretty nasty and judgemental about her choice on here.

i've not made a choice like that. i think it is up to each person's ideology, morals, opinions, whatever. i chose to have sex, sometimes outside of a loving relationship.

also, foreveryoung: i don't remember you posting a picture of yourself on here. would you stand up to the scrutiny?


Your correct.. and that is why I could not find my post here while searching for freedoms.. not sure how I got laws and freedoms scrambled last night/this morning.. completely different..
not sure if I will correct it or not though.. I hate editing post, it can confuse many after..

I, personally have no problem with her choice - It is her other choice of words I have a problem with..

whores.. for a starter. than that she equates whores with prostitutes etc., that sexually comfortable women/females are basically just trash.. and that all men spunk and jump.. which is not true.

If some of us responded to some topics.. using a word or two, to describe some women in a different way.. do you honestly think it would be accepted constantly? If one poster can keep saying a word like whore, one that soo many women have a problem with, like twat, c**t, etc... to describe, as they see it, a type of female... than what would happen if someone used the term .....ggahh I can't say it. ..so going to say a slightly more polite wording of the term 'solo stranding'? The very first posting of that term in its usual form would probably bring down the wrath of many..

double standards and generalisations suck - society does it enough to us, should we have to keep hearing it, at a place that is supposed to be non-judgemental and supportive?

Try a search and see how many times her name comes up with that word.. and the thing about guys, I wouldn't be surprised if it was almost every 2nd day, or more.

So, is it any wonder people get frustrated with it?


OT.. speaking of this.. the original thread.. we were talking about society and research. Not sure if you noticed, but posted something in Adult along the lines...



Erisad
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31 Aug 2010, 4:27 pm

Surya - I never equated the word "whores" with women that are comfortable with themselves sexually. There's a big difference between being comfortable with sex and being addicted to sex. When I say "whore" I usually mean sex addict or something along those lines. :/

If I frustrate people, I apologize. When I post I am only stating my opinion after all. I never claimed to be the holder of the one truth. D:



TeaEarlGreyHot
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31 Aug 2010, 4:31 pm

Erisad wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot - If you said that about Christians, I would accept that as your opinion and nothing more. Technically, I'm not even Christian anymore. I don't know what I am. D:


That wasn't the point. The point is you cannot generalize an entire group based on a tiny portion of people within the group.


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Erisad
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31 Aug 2010, 4:39 pm

TeaEarlGreyHot wrote:
Erisad wrote:

TeaEarlGreyHot - If you said that about Christians, I would accept that as your opinion and nothing more. Technically, I'm not even Christian anymore. I don't know what I am. D:


That wasn't the point. The point is you cannot generalize an entire group based on a tiny portion of people within the group.


It wasn't? My bad. I know I shouldn't generalize people. It's a bad habit of mine that I have difficulty shaking. It may be difficult to believe but I've gotten a lot better about that than I used to be. In middle school, I was convinced that everyone from France never bathed, that Muslims are all terrorists and that all black people wanted to beat me up for being white. I do not believe these things now. I guess my focus of generalizations just shifted is all. Point being that I am working on it, even if it doesn't seem like it.



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31 Aug 2010, 4:39 pm

Erisad wrote:

@ Spongy - I know, it's just that now is not a good time, considering I'm at college now. Also, I'm not positive if she'll loosen her grip if I mention anything. :/


I understand the timing thing, I allways need to take sometime before cofronting someone(I usually try to create conversations in my mind that are similar to what I may find, it makes me feel more confident somehow).

I cant be sure shell losen her grip either but from what I hear things cant get much worse and your life would improve a lot if she loosened up a little bit so I think its worth giving it a go.


I had some similar problems until a few years ago and the only thing that improved my situation was talking about it with my parents. Once I asked them why werent they trusting me and so they changed tehir mindset, for example I went from having to ask them for money everytime I was going to do something(which meant having to explain where I was going to, who I was going with, how was I going to get there and so) to getting 40 euros weekly without any further questions.


I see you are back to collegue good luck in your date.



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31 Aug 2010, 4:49 pm

spongy wrote:
I understand the timing thing, I allways need to take sometime before cofronting someone(I usually try to create conversations in my mind that are similar to what I may find, it makes me feel more confident somehow).

I cant be sure shell losen her grip either but from what I hear things cant get much worse and your life would improve a lot if she loosened up a little bit so I think its worth giving it a go.


I had some similar problems until a few years ago and the only thing that improved my situation was talking about it with my parents. Once I asked them why werent they trusting me and so they changed tehir mindset, for example I went from having to ask them for money everytime I was going to do something(which meant having to explain where I was going to, who I was going with, how was I going to get there and so) to getting 40 euros weekly without any further questions.


I see you are back to collegue good luck in your date.


Since she's dealing with a lot of stress right now with family issues I feel that if I said anything I'd just be adding to the load. Knowing my luck, she'd probably assume that I was talking about it because I either want to have sex ASAP or already had. I don't know. Since I'm away from home now, I'll be more focused on other stuff. >.<

Thanks. That reminds me that we need to actually set the date for it now. He has to schedule time off so he can see me. :D



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31 Aug 2010, 4:51 pm

visagrunt wrote:
The possibility of laying down a simple, hard and fast rule that will apply to all people is patently ridiculous.

Sex is an activity for people (not necessary two) to participate in when they mutually consent to do so. It is perfectly appropriate for a person to refuse consent if that person believes that love is a necessary precondition to sex. But equally it is appropriate for people to consent and to participate for not greater reason than they want to do so.


Yay! That's a really good response.



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31 Aug 2010, 5:00 pm

Erisad wrote:
Since she's dealing with a lot of stress right now with family issues I feel that if I said anything I'd just be adding to the load. Knowing my luck, she'd probably assume that I was talking about it because I either want to have sex ASAP or already had. I don't know. Since I'm away from home now, I'll be more focused on other stuff. >.<

Thanks. That reminds me that we need to actually set the date for it now. He has to schedule time off so he can see me. :D


Its ok to wait for a better timing however keep in mind that sometimes when you wait too long the problem only gets worse, for example its somewhat understandable for a 20-something year old to have some sort of family issues(I have a few but Im trying to work on them) but its not acceptable on a 30-ish person.


Can I suggest trying to avoid mentioning your problems with your mum at the date whenever possible?, most guys dont expect to hear that kind of stuff on a first date and he will probably start feeling awkward around you when you mention it.



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31 Aug 2010, 5:04 pm

spongy wrote:
Erisad wrote:
Since she's dealing with a lot of stress right now with family issues I feel that if I said anything I'd just be adding to the load. Knowing my luck, she'd probably assume that I was talking about it because I either want to have sex ASAP or already had. I don't know. Since I'm away from home now, I'll be more focused on other stuff. >.<

Thanks. That reminds me that we need to actually set the date for it now. He has to schedule time off so he can see me. :D


Its ok to wait for a better timing however keep in mind that sometimes when you wait too long the problem only gets worse, for example its somewhat understandable for a 20-something year old to have some sort of family issues(I have a few but Im trying to work on them) but its not acceptable on a 30-ish person.


Can I suggest trying to avoid mentioning your problems with your mum at the date whenever possible?, most guys dont expect to hear that kind of stuff on a first date and he will probably start feeling awkward around you when you mention it.


I don't think I could wait 10 years. I've only been dealing with her controlling-ness for 3-4 years now. D:

Of course. I wasn't planning on mentioning that stuff then. I probably wouldn't even be thinking about it at that point anyway. :D



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31 Aug 2010, 9:06 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:
Funny how the male vote is overwhelmingly no :P

My rationale -- not everyone you want to have sex with is a personality fit, but sometimes genes and biology override rational thinking. I've had sex with people I didn't love. Maybe I felt lust, maybe I felt nothing, but all that was important in that moment was for both of us to have fun and enjoy ourselves.


Well I don't know what the ratio was when you took the test but the results right now show that men and women have the same beliefs on this one. Its funny how people will use evidence to confirm their stereotypical view of things when in fact the evidence show the contrary to be true.



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31 Aug 2010, 9:14 pm

JohnisBlind wrote:
billsmithglendale wrote:
Funny how the male vote is overwhelmingly no :P

My rationale -- not everyone you want to have sex with is a personality fit, but sometimes genes and biology override rational thinking. I've had sex with people I didn't love. Maybe I felt lust, maybe I felt nothing, but all that was important in that moment was for both of us to have fun and enjoy ourselves.


Well I don't know what the ratio was when you took the test but the results right now show that men and women have the same beliefs on this one. Its funny how people will use evidence to confirm their stereotypical view of things when in fact the evidence show the contrary to be true.
this is a non-scientific poll, and not exactly evidence.

it's true that the majority of opinions, of the people on WP, who chose to vote in this poll, points to the majority thinking that sex and love do not have to be connected. it isn't evidence, it's an opinion poll with very limited choices.

the poll didn't ask what people want for themselves, it asked a very specific question about whether sex is only for two people who are in love. it excludes so many other possibilities, and forces people into a corner. perhaps a better question would be which situation people generally prefer if they had the choice.

what conclusion could you draw from this poll?


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31 Aug 2010, 9:40 pm

What conclusion could you draw from interrogating people about the deeper meaning of their posted pictures?


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