If a partner doesn't lead to happiness...

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in my city we have some amazing international food in a yearly Heritage Festival. there are 50 to 100 pavilions representing different nations and cultures. there's food, dancing, cultural performances, and handmade products from around the world. something like 300,000 attendees come every year (presumably some people come more than once as it lasts 3 days). it's pretty amazing!

and now i can't remember what we were talking about.

And that's all well and good, I know exactly what your saying. I've had perhaps week or two week dating spells where, I still felt as single as I ever had in my life. The one time I even had a relationship last a month I had that ripped away in an odd set of circumstances (sadly it was my first, would have been a better issue to hit later). Consequently, even if I met someone who wanted to be with my long term - I'd have to let her know that I'm wrapped in rust and that it would take perhaps a month or two even for my biology to understand what that mode is again.

I think we all want and desire that person where we can both have a romantic relationship and find someone who we can add to our personal sanctuary in life and even share sanctuary rather than that sanctuary become a place of more masks and facades. Some people find that, some people go though life single, and sadder still - I think *most* people settle for someone where they have to facade their way through their private lives as well, which IMO is worse than just being single.

Really I wish you luck but, you have to understand, with your life - what is, is. You can't be anyone else, you'll have your choices and changes in the future but your future is just as cemented in as the past - as is anyone else's. Learning to be happy with life is learning to expect less from the outside world. Its kind of needed because otherwise, it really keeps you in this bi-polar and emotionally taxing state. Truthfully it took me until my very late 20's to get out of that frame of mind, I'm finally not in an existential panic over being single thus I don't have to dedicate energy to pretending I'm not. It might be plausible that you can't either at your stage in the game. Just keep your ear to the ground, try to figure ourself out, I think the better you do at that the better you can forgive your own life circumstances and not have your subconscious constantly forcing you to chase shadows.

As for the thing with Erisad - she's her, you're you. You mentioned that those kinds of emotions don't jive with your biology? That makes perfect sense. No point in having any envy for things you don't want to begin with. Just look at what emotional plateau you want it on, what emotional plateau you want to be on in general, and go from there to feed your own needs as best you can.

In the Cleveland, OH, US area we have a place called Kan Zaman that does it excellent. Unfortunately I've tried it at other places - nothing close. Anymore I look at it this way - if it isn't orange don't bother, its like having someone try to con you into believing that a red chocolate cake is red velvet.

Something about "nice guys" being fake, normal guys (and ToS) finishing last, and people wanting to hear about Erisad's latest sexcapades.

Last edited by Quartz11 on 21 Nov 2010, 8:14 pm, edited 2 times in total.

One of the local middle eastern marts had several Ziyad varieties. The problem with Ziyad, they grossly undercalculate the calories.

ooooh sounds soooo good. except the calories part.

Oops, I grabbed the wrong post by mistake - I was talking about their halva.

oh right.

food is fun, but frightfully off-topic isn't it? sorry.

i actually assumed it was the halvah, so it all worked out well!

There's a ton of places in the Bay Area for every palate. I'd love to go to one of the food festivals here though. I know in San Francisco there's a ton of food trucks roaming the streets of Downtown. I've had a tikka masala burrito off one of them, a duck confit and mango salad bun off another, and an Hawaiian-style plate lunch off another.

And a fellow aspie on one of the meetup groups I belonged to told me someone was showing interest in me but I was oblivious or aloof to the fact - I think I've found one of the keys to why I struggle with friendships and relationships. It was an epiphany.

But a lot of aspies probably miss some signals and are totally oblivious to the fact someone might like us.

I know that. But this could be the key about why I struggle in socialization.

I think I won the award for the Most Obvious Statement Ever with my last post.

I must be the only person in this thread who thinks that doesn't look tasty.. I guess because growing up and Mum always cooked food like that I found it rather average. Or if I saw it my face would drop knowing it was dinner.

Its all in the spice and sauces though. Have you had jerk chicken or pork?