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Best friend confessed his attraction for me. Ick. Help?

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menintights
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10 Jan 2011, 9:12 pm

Jonsi wrote:
Ah, glad this came to a happy endind. :D


But this isn't a happy ending--Stefan's arrival is just a temporary solution to OP's problems. She will be okay tonight and probably whenever he comes back to her after she pushes him away, but what about the rest of the time when she basically thinks of herself as a waste of space?

A happy ending would be OP finally realizing her self-worth no matter what happens, not OP temporarily being soothed by her boyfriend.



Last edited by menintights on 10 Jan 2011, 9:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Kilroy
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10 Jan 2011, 9:13 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
so you feel you get to dictate if a woman is allowed to have a guy as a friend?
she had a real problem and all you care was because he was a friend, and bashed her because...it reminded you of your life?
jeez


Not my life, but in society in general. Everywhere I look, I see women chasing after total jerks. But when if a man is nice to woman, she wants to castrate him and make him into her best girl friend.


um...no
maybe on tv, total jerks eh...how many times have I heard men here use that one
what defines these men as jerks?



Jonsi
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10 Jan 2011, 9:16 pm

menintights wrote:
Jonsi wrote:
Ah, glad this came to a happy endind. :D


But this isn't a happy ending--Stefan's arrival is just a temporary solution to OP's problems. She will be okay tonight and probably whenever he comes back to her after she pushes him away, but what about the rest of the time when she basically thinks of herself as a waste of space?

A happy ending would be OP finally realizing her self-worth, not OP temporarily being soothed by her boyfriend.
It's a happy ending because things are looking up for her. Just because the happiest or best outcome doesn't happen, that doesn't mean it isn't a happy ending.

It's so hard to be positive in this forum.



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10 Jan 2011, 9:18 pm

Kilroy wrote:
Brainiac5 wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
so you feel you get to dictate if a woman is allowed to have a guy as a friend?
she had a real problem and all you care was because he was a friend, and bashed her because...it reminded you of your life?
jeez


Not my life, but in society in general. Everywhere I look, I see women chasing after total jerks. But when if a man is nice to woman, she wants to castrate him and make him into her best girl friend.


um...no
maybe on tv, total jerks eh...how many times have I heard men here use that one
what defines these men as jerks?


No, not TV. I'm referring to situations that have happened to me and my friends.
As for what defines them as jerks, how about lying, cheating, stealing, and mental and physical abuse?



Last edited by Brainiac5 on 10 Jan 2011, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Stinkypuppy
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10 Jan 2011, 9:19 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
Yes, that was my own fault. I did react out of frustration regarding friend zone situations. i do feel that many woman do make bad dating choices, and some don't even learn from their mistakes.

Many women do make bad dating choices, but so do many men. Making mistakes is what makes us all human. :)

Brainiac5 wrote:
Not my life, but in society in general. Everywhere I look, I see women chasing after total jerks. But when if a man is nice to woman, she wants to castrate him and make him into her best girl friend.


There are many women who chase total jerks, but there are also many women who chase absolute gentlemen. There are women who want to castrate nice guys, but there are also many women who don't try to change them or dominate over them too.

menintights wrote:
A happy ending would be OP finally realizing her self-worth, not OP temporarily being soothed by her boyfriend.

The "friend" also still hasn't been dealt with, yet. I hope it works out though.


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10 Jan 2011, 9:20 pm

Stinkypuppy wrote:
There are many women who chase total jerks, but there are also many women who chase absolute gentlemen. There are women who want to castrate nice guys, but there are also many women who don't try to change them or dominate over them too.
Women chase after all kinds of guys. I've seen it happen. The only kind of guy they dont chase after, apparently, is me...



Kilroy
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10 Jan 2011, 9:21 pm

Brainiac5 wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
Brainiac5 wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
so you feel you get to dictate if a woman is allowed to have a guy as a friend?
she had a real problem and all you care was because he was a friend, and bashed her because...it reminded you of your life?
jeez


Not my life, but in society in general. Everywhere I look, I see women chasing after total jerks. But when if a man is nice to woman, she wants to castrate him and make him into her best girl friend.


um...no
maybe on tv, total jerks eh...how many times have I heard men here use that one
what defines these men as jerks?


No, not TV. I'm referring to situations that have happened to me and my friends.
As for what defines them as jerks, how about lying, cheating, stealing, and mental and physical abuse?


so, all men but you and your friends are jerks? horrid people
you ever thought that, maybe they just don't like you? people don't have to date you, and not every other guy is an ass hole, there are plenty of good people in the world, and its not your decision to pass judgment on women because of who they choose or men you think you know



Kilroy
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10 Jan 2011, 9:22 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Stinkypuppy wrote:
There are many women who chase total jerks, but there are also many women who chase absolute gentlemen. There are women who want to castrate nice guys, but there are also many women who don't try to change them or dominate over them too.
Women chase after all kinds of guys. I've seen it happen. The only kind of guy they dont chase after, apparently, is me...


and once again you completely ignore my entire point I replied to you

our encounters just repeat, over and over



Kilroy
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10 Jan 2011, 9:23 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Stinkypuppy wrote:
There are many women who chase total jerks, but there are also many women who chase absolute gentlemen. There are women who want to castrate nice guys, but there are also many women who don't try to change them or dominate over them too.
Women chase after all kinds of guys. I've seen it happen. The only kind of guy they dont chase after, apparently, is me...


according to you, you don't talk to them or do anything out of fear
plus you reek of insecurity (which is very unattractive)



ToadOfSteel
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10 Jan 2011, 9:33 pm

Kilroy wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
Stinkypuppy wrote:
There are many women who chase total jerks, but there are also many women who chase absolute gentlemen. There are women who want to castrate nice guys, but there are also many women who don't try to change them or dominate over them too.
Women chase after all kinds of guys. I've seen it happen. The only kind of guy they dont chase after, apparently, is me...


according to you, you don't talk to them or do anything out of fear
plus you reek of insecurity (which is very unattractive)


I see women actively chase other guys, who did nothing to encourage such behavior.



happymusic
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10 Jan 2011, 9:34 pm

Jonsi wrote:
I'd say that too, but I'm a guy, it's wierd apperently to tell a friend that we love them. D:

Which is probably why I'm bad at making male friends. :D Homophobia abounds in men. v.v

Edit: this post is a reply to happymusic's post.


Awww!! ! I know what you mean. Girls can get away with that sort of thing a little easier. Just in case anyone else feels the same way, I'll post some hearts.


:heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart: *

*the above hearts are hereby posted in a completely platonic manner from a non-crush having, non-gender specific friend(s), to a non-crush receiving non-gender specific friend(s) for the sole purpose of happy feelings. The publisher, happymusic ninja, gives full rights to all WPers to reproduce in any form, her hearts. I love you all, even the WP pooh-pooers.

Ps - stinkypuppy, I love your screen name. :)



Kilroy
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10 Jan 2011, 9:36 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Kilroy wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
Stinkypuppy wrote:
There are many women who chase total jerks, but there are also many women who chase absolute gentlemen. There are women who want to castrate nice guys, but there are also many women who don't try to change them or dominate over them too.
Women chase after all kinds of guys. I've seen it happen. The only kind of guy they dont chase after, apparently, is me...


according to you, you don't talk to them or do anything out of fear
plus you reek of insecurity (which is very unattractive)


I see women actively chase other guys, who did nothing to encourage such behavior.


they have confidence, something even most aspies can pick up on
people like that, beyond dating, even just friends
a lot of people don't want to be weighed down by emotional anchor's
I am very good at faking it (though I am generally quite confident) people respond to that, they don't respond to constant sadness and such



Stinkypuppy
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10 Jan 2011, 9:47 pm

happymusic wrote:
Ps - stinkypuppy, I love your screen name. :)

Thanks!! :heart:
And your avatar looks so... mysterious!! The concept of "happymusic the ninja" intrigues and fascinates me. 8O :D


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11 Jan 2011, 12:08 am

emlion wrote:
Jesus. How do I always manage to get myself in these situations?
I'm such a defective human being.

All this stressed me out, so I got all weird and me and locked Stefan out of the flat and now he's gone somewhere and I just want him to come back, but i'm scared to go outside, because I don't like the night time. And his phone is here. I know i'm going to end up hurting myself over this and then that's another reason i'm such a stupid b***h.

Why can't I just be normal for once?


This situation is not your fault. Nor is it something to get so upset about. Those who find themselves growing attracted to best friends should either distance themselves, in the case that friend is not available, or made those feelings known early in the relationship, while still sober.

You can't be blamed for not being able to read minds.

Anyway, this guy does not threaten your relationship with your boyfriend unless you and your boyfriend let it. You are not interested in him and wouldn't leave your boyfriend for him, and you need to convince your boyfriend of this.

As for your "best friend" again, he might actually not be all that interested in you. People say things when they're drunk that they don't really mean. But you should make it clear to your "best friend" that you couldn't be more than friends with him.



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11 Jan 2011, 12:22 am

Emlion, you remind me of myself. I think it's possible that you may have Borderline Personality Disorder. At least, from your posts it sounds to me like you might.

If you fancy talking or anything, feel free to PM me :)


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11 Jan 2011, 4:32 am

Your BF is right too Emlion, stay away from that "friend" of yours. You have your BF's safety to consider too in this. If that guy is capable of hitting you, he could certainly go after your BF in a violent manner to get what he wants. Has he ever expressed hostility towards your BF before? He might have been giving off the signs that he likes you but you've never picked up on them.