Mr Nice Guys

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I think an older woman with kids will try to "mother" me(I'm at a lower level than most NTs my age) but I will not cast someone aside simply because they are older & have kids.; I will try to get to know the person & decided based on how I'm treated because I am mostly looking for someone who will give me a real chance so I do NOT think of it as settling. It took like 8 years before a girl actually decided to give me that chance & it didn't work out so now I'm mostly looking for someone to give me a real chance who will put fort effort to try & make it work instead of me doing most all the compromising then dumping me when I cant anymore but I feel like I may be asking for too much.

says in the company of. Meaning that if you take him out they will be even numbers. Which assumes that he is single and his friends are couples.

His name is Tommy Lee.

I hear you, but I think this example is not the best one, because Tommy Lee is a real person, and 40 Year old virgin is a character from the movie. To be honest, I don't know if any celebrity can serve as an example of a "nice guy", because "nice guys" are usually seen as "plain" and low key, and celebrities can't be that by default.

I think if you want to make this example, when it comes to image, take Ben and Casey Affleck. Ben was a huge star and he was seen as hot (for a reason I don't understand), but he was never seen as a bad boy. Casey was always low key, and in his brother's shadow... Despite being a better actor (imo). Though many people see him as creepy, so maybe that's the problem?

Of course, the whole idea of a "nice guy" vs a "bad boy" is not real.

Steve Buscemi.

Nice guys are usually in the friend zone. Women tend to put them there and not think of them as relationship material.

Really? I like him, but I never thought about him as a "nice guy". I guess I see him as more of an "artistic" type, which doesn't mean he isn't nice.

I think the main problem with people who are labeled as "nice" is not that they are nice, but that they seem they lack personality (or are spineless in some cases). So the only thing you can say about them is that they are "nice", a.k.a. "bland". But I don't think that's what OP had in mind and I don't think a man with a strong personality can't be nice. It's just... If he has other qualities, people will describe these qualities (intelligent, artistic, strong sense of humor, etc.) and not the fact that he's nice. When people say "he's nice", they often mean: "he doesn't seem like a bad person, but he doesn't have much of a personality".

Hahaha I never said that. Nice quote though

I said that. Sometimes, when you quote someone who's quoting someone else, something gets mixed up and one of the names get erased.

I know what "his" name is. I just don't care enough to post his name. He is a rockstar and of course he has groupies that would have wanted him anyways just because he plays in a band, but look at the way he looks, his personality, and the way he interacts with other people. He is a badboy a**hole regardless of being in a band he would be getting laid left and right.

You wrote "whatshisname drummer from Motley Crue". I thought you didn't know the guy's name. What's a big deal?

And I wouldn't take him as a good example of a bad boy women like. He's not that good looking (imo), and most of his popularity comes with the fact he's a celebrity. Some women are into him (including the former "ultimate wet dreams" Heather Locklear and Pamela Anderson), but I wouldn't describe him as a type of a bad boy women claim to like.

"Bad boys" women like are the local guys who are attractive (or perceived that way), confident and who seem to play by their own rules while AT THE SAME TIME being good people deep down. Sadly, many of these guys who seem like jerks prove to be jerks, but for some reason women like to think their love will change them.

Also, another thing: bad boys are often perceived as more passionate and better lovers than the shy guys, who seem passive. (Which isn't true; a man with a huge ego is often selfish in bed and can't make a good lover, but that's another story).

Sod the blonde, give me the chubby brunette any day.

Unfortunately I think guys tend to focus too much on physical appearance, and girls tend to focus too much on "traits", where good looks is one of the traits and a great personality is another (though a lot of girls are very specific and can break a good personality into multiple traits).

Not sure about your profile picture, but if that is you, you don't look all that plain to me. Even if you are shy.

I think both guys and girls are guilty of having too narrow preferences (it happens often to the NTs, too). It's true guys focus on looks way too much, sometimes to the point of ignoring the personality, or seeing her personality as just a plus (and not an integral part of someone's attractiveness)... And then they are confused when a girl turns out to be shallow, or boring, or demanding, or b...h, or whatever. Not ALL guys do it, but many do.

But girls are often more specific than this, because apart from the looks, they have a list of all the things a guy should do or think, or the way he has to behave to be acceptable. I mean, I've seen (NT) girls rejecting guys for the following reasons: bushy eyebrows, dirty shoes, the fact that he asked for her email instead of her phone number. According to the girls that did the rejecting, they didn't get mad because of those things per se, but because these things were signs of serious character faults with these guys.

And to be honest, I've never seen a guy reject a girl just because she was a brunette and not a blonde. It doesn't mean guys are more open, but they are quicker to accept any opportunity that presents to them.



Many of us look different in photos and plus, in real life, people take other things into account when deciding whether you're attractive or not: your posture, clothes, body language, voice, etc.

I agree, Az29 doesn't look plain, she looks very pretty. But I believe her about being ignored by males. In my experience, guys overlook/ignore pretty girls all the time, and the girls they chase are often (though not always) less pretty than the girls they ignore, imo.

I was trying to say earlier this "nice vs jerk" debate isn't productive. They are both terrible stereotypes.

They are also incredibly negative. If you keep hammering down that being "nice" regardless of the precise ACTUAL MEANING , its coloring the word with negative connotations. What guy is going to want to be "nice" if it means he isn't going to ever get laid?

This is semantics definitely. Regardless we keep using this stereotype, it WILL actually f**k with guys heads. Eventually the "definition" is going to be lost, and people will literally think that being "nice" is worse than being "mean"

I'm not going to claim to be a PUA expert. Im not, but there is alot of material about negging and lightly insulting women. Alot of clueless guys are going to try to be "mean". Watch

I was just trying to say what the "nice guy" means in this context and why there are so many women who claim to like nice guys ignore the guys who are labeled as nice.

Of course it's better to be nice than to be mean. But nice guys who feel rejected and unwanted need to know it's not because of their niceness. Girls don't dislike niceness; it's a positive thing many (dare to say, most of) women desire in a partner. However, it's not enough: a guy has to have a personality you'll fall for besides being nice. And he can't be spineless and ready to be turned into a doormat. This is something many women dislike.