Stalkers

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I have been stalked myself. Only on IM of course. I was friends with this dude and then he started to get annoying. I told him off for it and told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore because he is too annoying and we don't get along anymore. But he wouldn't listen and kept IMing me and I would just ignore him and then he say I was making fun of him and being mean to him. No matter how nice I was telling him what he was doing and that he is harassing me and bugging me and I don't want to talk anymore and not today not tomorrow, never, he still kept IMing me. When I block him, he would IM me under a different screen name. he had so many screen names. I did create a new screen name eventually and gave it to some of my online friends so I could ditch the stalker and continue talking to my friends than having to log off to run from him. I then eventually linked both my screen names so I can be on both at the same time and ditch him when he comes on, I would go invisible when he be on. But no matter what he thought of me, he still kept wanting to talk to me and he didn't care how he made me feel and when he told me "f**k you" one time, that was the last straw and i kept on blocking him after that no matter how often he IM me. But I often hid from him after that. I was not going to stop using my current screen name because then I wouldn't get any newbies and I never posted my new screen name online ever because I never want him to find it. Then he eventually did stop IMing me and only would on occasion. The longest he ever went was two years and then he IM me. I did not understand this guy, why would he want to be my friend if he thinks I am mean to him and I did get mean to him intentionally because he was stalking me and I was trying to get him to leave me alone so i figured if I can be nasty as miuch as I can, he wouldn't want to talk to me anymore and he leave but that didn't work. I even would leave up things about him in my IM profile. I think I had his screen name in there too just to warn others about him so they wouldn't run into the same problem. I know other people have had problems with him too because I would see per warning percentage next to his screen name and when I asked him about it, that's right, he told me other people are mean to him. So I figured others have the same issues with him too just like me. Turns out I was right.


I have been a stalker myself, sometimes I will follow parents in my neighborhood when I see them with a baby. I want to see where they live so I know where my son can play when he wants play mates. But if it's too long, I just go home and forget about it. I already know of three homes that have a baby already that is my son's age. Plus there is that baby resale store and they have a coffee shop there too and they have a play area and it's where kids play and parents bring them there. He can get new friends that way too. I also used to stalk pregnant women in my neighborhood but that was only rare because I didn't see many of them.

Or they have an obsession and can't control their urges to stay away from them or can't stop thinking about them so they follow them around or look for them online and stalk their posts and join any forum they are on.

I am sure some do it silently like a guy may see someone he likes so he will watch her and follow her and maybe look at her Facebook page and keep reading her wall. But it always freaks a person out when you know a lot about them they never shared with you. I think that stalking is harmless. I don't know if this be considered stalking but when my first ex met me online, he decided to google my username to try and find a photo of me and found me here and he continued reading all my posts I had made. I saw nothing wrong with it. It was his way of finding out about me and learning about me. Some thought that as wrong of him but my posts were public and this is a public forum so nothing wrong with looking at someone's profile and reading through all their posts.

Online by this guy it was like stalking yes. I was like 14/15 and he didn't just want to be friends. I tried to gently disassociate myself from him by stopping any contact but he continued emailing and whatnot. So I firmly told him not to contact me at all anymore and luckily that was the end of it. Not the nicest thing when you're young but it taught me to be careful in the future.

it makes sense to be just luck if it was an isolated incident but that would not explain multiple stalkers. maybe the repeat victims tend to be extremely attractive? or nicer/friendlier? hmmm. i think i'll try researching it

I've had some people be a bit "unhealthily into" me, but not to the point of them following me around/showing up places unexpectedly. Unless I just didn't see them...

ok, so nobody has done any substantial research into stalker victims - seems like there is a whole lot of profiling into the stalkers, some research into the dynamics between stalker and victim, and not much about the victims specifically. i find that strange, especially since (according to the research), stalkers fit a number of divergent profiles. anyways this was the best info i could find from Dr. Lorraine Sheridan:


http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/3717696.stm

Dr. Sheridan has done extensive research on stalking. she notes that ex-partner stalkers are less likely to be convicted of an offense as compared to stalkers who are strangers. apparently it may be due to the public perception that abuse in the context of a relationship is viewed to be a lovers' quarrel and not a serious incident. for example when a bystander sees a victim being hurt by a perpetrator, they are less likely to intervene or get help if the bystander thinks there is a romantic relationship involved.

i think that maybe researchers might be reluctant to profile victims because it would seem to place blame on the victim. but i think such research could be important because it could lead to targeted prevention resources and support, and improved assistance for people who are leaving a relationship that could result to stalking behaviour.

there may even be important signs within the context of the prior relationship that could serve as red flags for potential future stalking, but since researchers are not studying all aspects involved - including the victims - i think that the possibility of prevention is severely limited. i guess it could be characterised as a reactive mentality as opposed to proactive (sorry to use a buzzword, but it fits).

I don't think it's exactly random, at least, not in my case. Somehow I didn't manage to avoid people getting obsessed over me, thinking we were meant to be together, when I had no desire to be with them at all, ever.

It got to the point where there were just too many times for it to be a coincidence, if you know what I mean. There simply had to be something about me that was bringin' em in.

Perhaps other people [meaning those who don't attract many stalkers] either act appropriately when they meet the stalker in the first place ~ therefore not sparking their fantasy of a relationship, and thus the stalking ~ or they also behave inappropriately, but in a way that's off-putting to the potential stalker and causes them to back off.

I attribute it in part to my eye contact never being completely natural; I remember forcing it at times. And I used to work with the public (in which context I picked up most of my stalkers throughout life) ~ and often didn't feel like it, but faked being jovial and friendly with clients, trying to be normal.

Actually I had never made that connection before, but almost all of my stalkers were guys I met through work, usually clients / customers, hmm. Good thing I don't have that kind of job anymore.

Interesting about the former partner thing.... Not so in my case though. Only one of my exes [~that I know of~] ever stalked me after the relationship, and he mainly did so on the internet, which I don't really count in this context (I wouldn't even have known he was doing it if he hadn't brought it up himself in court, which everyone but me seemed to think was a fine way to behave, even though it was clearly done with malicious intent .... which I, the weird girl, obviously deserved, for being so weird ::sarcasm:: . . . . but that's another story).

Most of my stalkers, as I said in the other post, have been guys I just knew casually from work. I hadn't gone on more than one date with any of them; in most of the cases, we had gone on no dates & had no real relationship at all, outside the context of my job. And in the stalker's imagination.



Ugh.

That's quite interesting, thanks hyperlexian.

I dunno if this counts as stalking but my ex would text me from time to time and he still does which creeps me out. I ignored his texts. Usually, if someone don't text you back then you eventually stop. Totally different story with this dude. His texts always goes like Hey wats up let's do this let's do that. When are you free? let's meet up blah blah blah. He's been texting me like this for 4 years already and I have already told him years ago to please stop...... What creeps me out even more is that when we used to be together I remember him jokingly telling me that I would need to get a restraining order to not see him any more. 4 years later, I'm thinking about getting one....

Yeah... that sounds like stalking to me.

Heh, I was too weird for people to get obsessed with; and I had no reason to stalk anyone, myself.

I'm sure everyone is guilty of a little bit of innocent stalking. I mean as in checking out their Facebook page, etc. Everyone does that.

Following someone around, harrassing them, going to their house, etc, is bad behaviour. That is not cool. But surely everyone has done their share of FB nosing around?

They might attract stalkers for some reason?

Intervening in that sort of quarrel - even when a man is physically beating a woman - can be extremely dangerous to one's safety as the woman turns on you and attacks you along with her partner even when you were trying to come to her aid. There are some mad women out there.

If it's that problematic, then why not just block his phone number?