How do you handle compliments?

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That answers my question! How was it helpful? Her encouraging you?

Last edited by IlovemyAspie on 27 Jun 2012, 10:44 am, edited 1 time in total.

I would be weirded out by that.

If someone likes you, but they can't even articulate why, that doesn't make sense.
If someone really likes you they generally have a reason why and can articulate it if necessary.

Yeah, that's why I wanted know what was said.
My friend said I was "quirky" but couldn't say why. He eventually came up 3 reasons. I felt better about the comment.

Well as I said Im trying to handle compliments in a better way.

When I started talking with her I had no female friends(a few females were sorta nice because of formalities(many friends in common...) but thats about it).
I had had female friends but one way or another things eventually faded and when I did have female friends I used to be scared about creeping them out...

Less than an hour ago I sent a message to a close friend about wether she wanted to go to the beach with a couple of friends or not(technically she knew already because her roomie was invited by a close friend but still big step for me). Same friend has also been invited to a party at my place in a few weeks(last time a female friend came to my house it was three years ago and at a surprise party so I wasnt the one dealing with the invitations)
How is this relevant?
I used to be on the lookout for signs of people that may be trying to trick me into something and eventually I found a reason to stay away from most females.
I met this girl when she was working and her work involves getting people to join her events. On the few minutes that we talked she made sure that: she complimented my clothing, she complimented my attitude towards a few things, she invited me to one of her work events.
I saw all of this coming but I had been working on dealing with my own insecurities and how they prevented me from meeting people so I decided to go to her event with an open mind(had nothing better to do that night my parents where complaining about me staying in too frequently...). They were really nice and I wasnt expected to pay anything(some sort of non profit organization was paying them) so eventually we started doing offgroup meetings.

Your a lovely person

Well, we're friends on Facebook. We talked a few times on the internet. We went out for dinner one night and met up with her friends later. I didn't talk much, because there was really nothing to talk about. I left (the country) and she keeps saying she misses me now. She says that she likes me, and I ask myself why she would like a generally-awkward scumbag like myself. She said I was a "man's man", I was a "gentleman", and other guys were "fast". She says she just "feels something different with me, unlike with other guys". And she may or may not be posting rather passive-aggressive posts on her Facebook wall, I'm not sure. (I've been known to be rather thick.) And I really don't understand why she would suddenly be doing this now when she didn't even show a hint of attraction while we were together. She knew that I was leaving in a few days too.

Another one that confused me was this one woman from years back. She said she liked me a lot, and when I asked why she wouldn't give a specific answer because she said that if that if she only liked me for something, if that something were to somehow disappear, then she wouldn't like me anymore. She did say the approximate time when she knew was when I (sort of) took care of her when she got wasted drunk on tequila at the strip club she worked at though.

Those are two out of several cases.

Not even a hint that she was interested in you while you were together?

I'm trying to figure that last one out. I keep reading and re-reading and I'll still at a lost. Give me a sec, it may come to me.

I'm actually not sure, I'm pretty stupid with that. I don't really know what the signs of attraction are when I stop to think about it. (I've actually pissed off a few women in the past for not trying anything with them.) The one successful female who said she was attracted to me made it very clear by jumping me in my sleep. (We were together for around a year after that.)

There should be more ladies like that.

I kind of swoon over them.

I may not react the ideal way but I show my affection when they do. :3

But yeah, a convo starter for it is very awkward.

A long time ago I was never sure if they were sincere.

Fast forward to today...and...I'm still never sure.

I just say "Thank you" and change topics.

i would be very unimpressed if i found out i was violated without my knowledge.
i think i would not bother pursuing the matter however.

So it's entirely possible that she did show some signs of attraction, you just didn't realize it.

I've been told on this forum that jumping someone (who is an Aspie) is the way to go sometimes if you want to get your message across.

Are you talking about being jumped in your sleep? I don't think he was violated per se. I could be wrong. I think that was the "jumping" was an initiator.

On the issue of Aspies needing a bit more obviousness from an interested party, it's true, but unfortunately even extreme shows of interest might not get through. I usually don't really understand what a woman is trying to communicate until about 5 to 10 years later. Usually by this time she has already moved on.

Actually I had a woman tell me directly that she wanted to have an affair with me. I suspected her boyfriend might disapprove and anyway, if she were that inclined to cheat on her boyfriend, I figured she'd by likely to cheat on me. But even with that directness, I still have trouble understanding what she really wanted. In the years since, I have come to the conclusion that really what she wanted was to break up with her boyfriend and the only way she could think to break it off was to get him to break up with her because she cheated on him. I don't know if this is what she was doing, but it seems likely.

I've actually had a surprising number of women be fairly direct with me, although usually I don't understand what is going on until much later. For example when the woman standing in my bedroom said "Don't you just want to get naked some times?" I said "No" because generally I don't like being naked. I suspect the only thing more direct is if she had thrown me onto the bed and jumped on top of me. And I suspect I would have reacted badly if she had done this.

As to compliments, I have learned to just say "Thank you" I might not entirely believe the compliment, but I find that by saying "Thank you" I don't offend the person giving the compliment and the situation doesn't get into one of those situations where the person keeps insisting on giving the compliment while I keep refusing it. On the whole, it's easier that way.

I've never been the "jumping" type. It took months for my guy to realized I "seem to take an interest in him" as he put it. And that was okay, I just turned up the 'volume' until he got it and that was that.