How long does it take to stop obsessing?

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Kjas
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08 Oct 2012, 5:41 pm

I'm curious as to why you "need" a girlfriend?

Is there a reason for using the word "preciso" specifically?

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MXH
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08 Oct 2012, 5:52 pm

Kjas wrote:

I'm curious as to why you "need" a girlfriend?

Is there a reason for using the word "preciso" specifically?

im not speaking for everyone but when you live a life alone it eventually takes a toll on those that like being social. And mix social and love/sexual loses and you have what i call a hole. A girlfriend can usually either fill the hole, and if bad enough she can put a sign to avoid the hole. but while its there it is a terrible feeling to feel so unwanted. But again, thats just my experience. I also admit that i have nothing to give for a relationship. So even if i could find someone for it i wouldnt be able to.hence why i quit dating completely

Magnus_Rex
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08 Oct 2012, 5:56 pm

Kjas wrote:

I'm curious as to why you "need" a girlfriend?

Is there a reason for using the word "preciso" specifically?

Not really. I could have said "want" and it would probably be closer to the truth.

What I really "need" is a new "special interest" to obsess over. Everything I liked when I was younger has lost its appeal nowadays. Even video games and swimming, which were the two things I would gladly spend literally a whole day (stopping only to sleep) doing.

So yeah, in truth I am bored. And when I am bored, I feel lonely. Since these problems are related, I want to do something about them. I would be perfectly happy if I had something to do without needing company, but it looks like my years of isolation finally lost their appeal.

Am I too selfish?

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Kjas
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08 Oct 2012, 6:02 pm

Could you handle if she was your special interest but that you were not hers? Because our interests do tend to be obsessive and overwhelming like that... so would you be able to handle it if they did not reciprocate the same level of interest as you?

MXH wrote:

I get that MXH - I really do.
But nobody else can fill that hole for you - not even a girlfriend, there would always be something lacking if you do not fill it yourself, or at least attempt to. Somebody else can help once you are halfway there, but if you tried now - you would be probably only half way there and then getting resentful because you are still lonely despite having a girlfriend.

Sadly, people can't solve our problems for us. They can contribute or influence, but they can not solve it for us - that is up to us.

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Magnus_Rex
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08 Oct 2012, 6:11 pm

Kjas wrote:

If I were too interested, I probably would not care at all. But I realize that it would be a terrible idea, therefore, maybe it really is a good thing that she is not interested.

But I am speaking the truth when I say that I am not obsessing over her anymore, in case you are not believing it. I am really over that.

Kjas
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08 Oct 2012, 7:41 pm

I believe you.

I just don't think a girlfriend will solve your problems.

A new interest will - but that doesn't necessarily have to be (and it's probably a good idea that it isn't) a girlfriend.
I'm all for the new interest part.

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Magnus_Rex
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08 Oct 2012, 8:05 pm

But I am not interested in having a girlfriend as an interest. I want a girlfriend (or even just a friend) with common interests to share. I may not be as interested in video games, zoology and finances (among many other unrelated things; my interests are very random) as I used to, but I still like to talk about them. Unfortunately, nobody wants to talk about how there is no "dark side of the moon" and spiders are not insects (real story: I tried talking about those two topics with two different friends on Facebook).

Also, it would be great to have somebody to go out with. Preferably, somebody who would also be interested in some kind of physical activity (even more preferably, parkour and hiking, because I really like jumping and running around difficult terrain).

Kjas
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08 Oct 2012, 8:08 pm

Ahhhh foi mal - the wording you choose implied something different.

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Magnus_Rex
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08 Oct 2012, 8:14 pm

Kjas wrote:

Ahhhh foi mal - the wording you choose implied something different.

I do that sometimes. :oops:

Let's just pretend that it is because English is not my native language and that I never have these problems when expressing myself in Brazilian Portuguese.

Kjas
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08 Oct 2012, 8:22 pm

:lmao:

I'll pretend for you. :razz:

There there mag's ego, there there :razz: *pets it softly*

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WantToHaveALife
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08 Oct 2012, 8:30 pm

guys to focus on other things in their lives unfortuneately in order to be boyfriend material, which is what i hate

knowbody15
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09 Oct 2012, 4:51 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

i never really totally forget, if i still care about the person. over time, the love or infatuation shifts to fondness, but they are still in my heart to some degree.

you may not completely get past her until that future date that you find someone new to care about. i know you've said it doesn't happen to you very often that you have feelings for someone, but as long as you are not closed off to loving a new woman in the future, it might not hurt you to still be in love with that girl too.

Pretty much this^^^^^

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WantToHaveALife
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10 Oct 2012, 2:49 pm

knowbody15 wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

Pretty much this^^^^^

i know complaining, ranting never solves anything but i just hate having to accept and deal with the way things are, the cards i was dealt with

shiflimtamfloo
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11 Dec 2012, 10:41 am

Magnus_Rex wrote:

SHE REPLIED!! !! She did not ignore me! I was not mistaken in thinking that we were friends.

Unfortunately, it is still a rejection. She apologized for the delay (she did not see my message before) and told me that she and her ex are going through a "complicated relationship". Apparently, she thinks they are back together.

As strange as it sounds, I actually feel relieved. At least her friendship seems sincere and, considering my lack of friends, I should be thankful for that.

P.S.: I promise this is the last time I bump this topic. Sorry about the last 6 pages of me whining about unrequited love. :oops:

==============EDIT=============

I am really pushing my luck: I asked her if I would have a chance under different circunstances and if she could give me her opinion about the reason why I have been single since always. Is it my weirdness or is there something else that I am not aware of?

Yeah, I know it is a really difficult question to answer, but I have been looking for an answer for this way before I even knew her. Maybe this could be a chance for me to figure out what is wrong with me?

I'm glad she got back to you. Did she ever answer those questions you asked about having a chance?

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11 Dec 2012, 3:32 pm

It took me about nine months to get over the guy I thought was the one who got away. I tried to "replace" him by getting with a guy who I was not attracted to hoping I'd eventually fall for him, but he treated me like s**t and I am repulsed by him now and am glad he is staying out of my life.
What actually got me over the obsession was when I really found someone I am actually in love with, as he is with me. Only then did I stop obsessing over my ex because I realized how manipulative and deranged he was, and how badly he treated me.

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Magnus_Rex
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11 Dec 2012, 4:15 pm

shiflimtamfloo wrote:

I'm glad she got back to you. Did she ever answer those questions you asked about having a chance?

Yes, she did. Her reply was "probably not". And she said that there was not anything bad that I should be aware of. She said that my weirdness is actually endearing and that it is probably related to my intelligence (she thinks I am more intelligent than the average person).

In the end, she avoided the question. If there is not anything wrong with me, why do I feel like there is? And more importantly, why is nobody interested? Ah, it does not matter anymore. I stopped caring after that.

By the way, judging from some new photos on her Facebook, she is with some other guy now. Fortunately, it looks like I really got over her, because I am not regretting it (as I thought I would when it happened). Given the circumstances, this is probably the best possible outcome.

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