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are men chasing after small percent of single women

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nessa238
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19 Apr 2013, 5:53 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm asking why you have these 'high' standards


I don’t actually have them. It was a working hypothesis for the sake of the argument, because you seemed to say unattractive men in general should lower them.

nessa238 wrote:
and what would happen if they were met ie the girl of your dreams
turned up and wanted to go out with you


I’ve never really bothered to think what “the girl of my dreams” might be like. It seems like a huge waste of time to me.

nessa238 wrote:
Tell me how you envisage the relationship working out


I don’t.

nessa238 wrote:
Yes you can fantasise about whoever you like, but the more perfect the person you fantasise about it, the more unattainable they will be in real life


My point is that when you have exactly zero chances to begin with, they won’t decrease any further, no matter what your tastes are, so there’s no point in forcing yourself to change them. I also don’t understand why this seems to annoy you.

I’d never say an unattractive woman should lower her standards. I can’t be in her shoes, but, judging by what I usually hear and read, being with a man she doesn’t like would be far worse than being alone, and suggesting otherwise is tantamount to justifying rape. Few things usually offend a woman more than suggesting she should accept a man she doesn’t like just because she can’t have anything better. Why shouldn’t the same apply to men?

nessa238 wrote:
So it's not a practical strategy at all as it takes you further from your goal (ie finding a partner) instead of closer to it


There’s no “practical” strategy to achieve an impossible goal. There’s no point in worrying about that.

nessa238 wrote:
People who have success with relationships tend to fantasise about the attainable not the unattainable


Which only works when there is actually something attainable. Why do you worry so much about fantasies of others with no consequence for anybody other than themselves?


I want to know where peoples' confidence comes from in imagining themselves with someone very attractive/a celebrity etc - it's like most people seem to think they deserve the very best looking person, no matter how they themselves look

I'm convinced of this and it's proof of the massive egos of the majority

Also you said this:-

"If I’m not going to find a partner either way, I might as well have impossibly high standards, just for the thrill of it. It’s not like it’ll make a difference"

which implies that you do have impossibly high standards and that you have thought about what the girl of your dreams would be like



Last edited by nessa238 on 19 Apr 2013, 5:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

appletheclown
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19 Apr 2013, 5:53 pm

BanjoGirl wrote:
Wolfheart wrote:
If you want the big mac over the prawn salad, go for the big mac but don't knock the guy who still aims or dreams of having the prawn salad even if he is searching through the leftover bin.


If you want to eat a prawn salad don't speak like a big mac.


I speak like pan fried ruffed grouse liver, and the prawn salad around me was in high agreement, I would make an addictive entree when paired with any one of them. Don't doubt the big mac if he's better than pan fried ruffed grouse liver....I'll speak however I want.



Spiderpig
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19 Apr 2013, 6:30 pm

nessa238 wrote:
I want to know where peoples' confidence comes from in imagining themselves with someone very attractive/a celebrity etc - it's like most people seem to think they deserve the very best looking person, no matter how they themselves look

I'm convinced of this and it's proof of the massive egos of the majority


I’m sorry, but you seem to be paying no attention at all to what I write before replying. I was talking about freedom to define one’s own tastes; you seem to resent it, and keep twisting it into a statement about what one “deserves”, to justify your stance. Having certain tastes is by no means the same as believing you are entitled to having them fulfilled.

nessa238 wrote:
"If I’m not going to find a partner either way, I might as well have impossibly high standards, just for the thrill of it. It’s not like it’ll make a difference"

which implies that you do have impossibly high standards and that you have thought about what the girl of your dreams would be like


No, it implies nothing of the sort. It was just one of the many ways I’ve expressed my point, like I’ve already said:

Spiderpig wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm asking why you have these 'high' standards


I don’t actually have them. It was a working hypothesis for the sake of the argument, because you seemed to say unattractive men in general should lower them.


But you’re of course welcome to believe about me anything you like. I think it’s rather pointless to argue about that.



nessa238
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19 Apr 2013, 6:39 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I want to know where peoples' confidence comes from in imagining themselves with someone very attractive/a celebrity etc - it's like most people seem to think they deserve the very best looking person, no matter how they themselves look

I'm convinced of this and it's proof of the massive egos of the majority


I’m sorry, but you seem to be paying no attention at all to what I write before replying. I was talking about freedom to define one’s own tastes; you seem to resent it, and keep twisting it into a statement about what one “deserves”, to justify your stance. Having certain tastes is by no means the same as believing you are entitled to having them fulfilled.

nessa238 wrote:
"If I’m not going to find a partner either way, I might as well have impossibly high standards, just for the thrill of it. It’s not like it’ll make a difference"

which implies that you do have impossibly high standards and that you have thought about what the girl of your dreams would be like


No, it implies nothing of the sort. It was just one of the many ways I’ve expressed my point, like I’ve already said:

Spiderpig wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm asking why you have these 'high' standards


I don’t actually have them. It was a working hypothesis for the sake of the argument, because you seemed to say unattractive men in general should lower them.


But you’re of course welcome to believe about me anything you like. I think it’s rather pointless to argue about that.


No, I didn't say anyone shouldn't have the freedom to define their own tastes

I wanted to know the logic behind the tastes as they aren't attainable for most hence meaningless

I think I am firmly entrenched in reality and just can't relate to people who fantasise about things like this a lot - it seems a waste of brainpower to me to fantasise about stuff you're never likely to get

its what I did as a child and then grew out of it

I also think it must be a biological imperative for most humans, however they look, to think they have a chance with the
best looking person

it's their genes striving for the best genetic inheritence

it's ok I've answered my own question now



appletheclown
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19 Apr 2013, 6:45 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I'm asking why you have these 'high' standards


I don’t actually have them. It was a working hypothesis for the sake of the argument, because you seemed to say unattractive men in general should lower them.

nessa238 wrote:
and what would happen if they were met ie the girl of your dreams
turned up and wanted to go out with you


I’ve never really bothered to think what “the girl of my dreams” might be like. It seems like a huge waste of time to me.

nessa238 wrote:
Tell me how you envisage the relationship working out


I don’t.

nessa238 wrote:
Yes you can fantasise about whoever you like, but the more perfect the person you fantasise about it, the more unattainable they will be in real life



My point is that when you have exactly zero chances to begin with, they won’t decrease any further, no matter what your tastes are, so there’s no point in forcing yourself to change them. I also don’t understand why this seems to annoy you.

I’d never say an unattractive woman should lower her standards. I can’t be in her shoes, but, judging by what I usually hear and read, being with a man she doesn’t like would be far worse than being alone, and suggesting otherwise is tantamount to justifying rape. Few things usually offend a woman more than suggesting she should accept a man she doesn’t like just because she can’t have anything better. Why shouldn’t the same apply to men?

nessa238 wrote:
So it's not a practical strategy at all as it takes you further from your goal (ie finding a partner) instead of closer to it


There’s no “practical” strategy to achieve an impossible goal. There’s no point in worrying about that.

nessa238 wrote:
People who have success with relationships tend to fantasise about the attainable not the unattainable


Which only works when there is actually something attainable. Why do you worry so much about fantasies of others with no consequence for anybody other than themselves?


I want to know where peoples' confidence comes from in imagining themselves with someone very attractive/a celebrity etc - it's like most people seem to think they deserve the very best looking person, no matter how they themselves look

I'm convinced of this and it's proof of the massive egos of the majority

Also you said this:-

"If I’m not going to find a partner either way, I might as well have impossibly high standards, just for the thrill of it. It’s not like it’ll make a difference"

which implies that you do have impossibly high standards and that you have thought about what the girl of your dreams would be like



Nessa, what I desire, is to be desired and to desire that same woman, this is what I want in life.
I honestly am sorry ness about my last conversation with you. You are right about a lot of things. I am going to have a partner, I think a wide enough range of women are attractive to for it to be a sure thing. You have helped me communicate this better, and Kid listen to ness, the last thing is giving up, the next to last thing is denying an actually attractive women to me whom I will marry and give many children to instead of you.... :wink: 8) :wink:



appletheclown
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19 Apr 2013, 6:47 pm

Spiderpig, cmon man, your bugging me real bad! I can't stand this thread, I'm leaving for the sake of my libido and sanity.



appletheclown
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19 Apr 2013, 7:00 pm

But ness you too, you gotta ease up and give us guys a break. I think supermodels are stuck up and annoying, and I get teased for it! It isn't just a fantasy, men are also dragged into the barbie effect. You know how many times people think I am afraid of girls a lot: my friend "Hey Luke you think she is attractive." "No she looks expensive and annoying." "Told ya Luke is afraid of girls.". People always expect me to go after this certain kind of girl, when I just want to be desired by a girl I find at least a little bit attractive, and let the flame grow into an atom bomb. Cmon ness, give us a break! We are not all stuck up, ok? I still plan to get married, have tons of marital sex, and be the best father this world has seen. You are a good gal, but even though a lot of guys on this site have given up don't start to think the rest of us have.



nessa238
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19 Apr 2013, 7:12 pm

appletheclown wrote:
But ness you too, you gotta ease up and give us guys a break. I think supermodels are stuck up and annoying, and I get teased for it! It isn't just a fantasy, men are also dragged into the barbie effect. You know how many times people think I am afraid of girls a lot: my friend "Hey Luke you think she is attractive." "No she looks expensive and annoying." "Told ya Luke is afraid of girls.". People always expect me to go after this certain kind of girl, when I just want to be desired by a girl I find at least a little bit attractive, and let the flame grow into an atom bomb. Cmon ness, give us a break! We are not all stuck up, ok? I still plan to get married, have tons of marital sex, and be the best father this world has seen. You are a good gal, but even though a lot of guys on this site have given up don't start to think the rest of us have.


I'm not being hard on anyone, I was just offering practical advice

I had already worked out that men have vsrying tastes in women but they are often coerced by their obnoxious peers into liking a
narrow stereotype of femininity

Stick to your own tastes in women - don't let idiots dictate what you 'should' like



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19 Apr 2013, 7:29 pm

nessa238 wrote:
I wanted to know the logic behind the tastes as they aren't attainable for most hence meaningless


Spiderpig wrote:
when you have exactly zero chances to begin with, they won’t decrease any further, no matter what your tastes are, so there’s no point in forcing yourself to change them.


I don’t know what “logic” you’re looking for other than that. Is there any “logic” behind your own tastes? Let’s suppose you were stranded in a deserted island, with the sole company of a man you feel absolutely no attraction to. Would you even consider doing anything romantic, let alone sexual, with him? How would you take it if someone suggested you should, simply because you can’t have a worthier partner?

It’s very easy to scorn the motives of those you don’t indentify with, as is typically the case with the opposite sex. If a woman can choose to be alone, rather than with a man she dislikes, why don’t you accept the same for a man?

nessa238 wrote:
I think I am firmly entrenched in reality and just can't relate to people who fantasise about things like this a lot - it seems a waste of brainpower to me to fantasise about stuff you're never likely to get


I’m no less “entrenched” in reality: the reality is that if you can’t have any partner at all, it doesn’t matter what you fantasize about—you won’t have it either way.



nessa238
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19 Apr 2013, 7:34 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
nessa238 wrote:
I wanted to know the logic behind the tastes as they aren't attainable for most hence meaningless


Spiderpig wrote:
when you have exactly zero chances to begin with, they won’t decrease any further, no matter what your tastes are, so there’s no point in forcing yourself to change them.


I don’t know what “logic” you’re looking for other than that. Is there any “logic” behind your own tastes? Let’s suppose you were stranded in a deserted island, with the sole company of a man you feel absolutely no attraction to. Would you even consider doing anything romantic, let alone sexual, with him? How would you take it if someone suggested you should, simply because you can’t have a worthier partner?

It’s very easy to scorn the motives of those you don’t indentify with, as is typically the case with the opposite sex. If a woman can choose to be alone, rather than with a man she dislikes, why don’t you accept the same for a man?

nessa238 wrote:
I think I am firmly entrenched in reality and just can't relate to people who fantasise about things like this a lot - it seems a waste of brainpower to me to fantasise about stuff you're never likely to get


I’m no less “entrenched” in reality: the reality is that if you can’t have any partner at all, it doesn’t matter what you fantasize about—you won’t have it either way.


You're still misunderstanding me

I'm not saying people can't want whoever they want - I just want to know the reasoning behind their choices

I've seen plenty of attractive women with male partners I would never find attractive so this idea about less attractive men having no chance with attractive women just doesn't hold in my opinion and it just shows how subjective attractiveness is



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19 Apr 2013, 7:39 pm

I’ve told you my reasoning countless times already including the very message you‘ve just quoted, but you apparently refuse to read it, and reply as if it isn’t there. I don’t want to bother appletheclown, either, so it’s probably time to call it a day.



nessa238
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19 Apr 2013, 7:41 pm

Spiderpig wrote:
I’ve told you my reasoning countless times already including the very message you‘ve just quoted, but you apparently refuse to read it, and reply as if it isn’t there. I don’t want to bother appletheclown, either, so it’s probably time to call it a day.


Ok - I often seem to go round and round in circles on things like this and it annoys people :oops:



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19 Apr 2013, 9:30 pm

nessa238 wrote:
Spiderpig wrote:
I’ve told you my reasoning countless times already including the very message you‘ve just quoted, but you apparently refuse to read it, and reply as if it isn’t there. I don’t want to bother appletheclown, either, so it’s probably time to call it a day.


Ok - I often seem to go round and round in circles on things like this and it annoys people :oops:


Nessa, ugh, I, man. Well ****. You were saying he shouldn't take attractive women as a fantasy and go after them this whole time!?!?! My man on da moon, of course I don't think they are a fantasy, they exist, therefore I can fall in love with them and vice versa. I will love my wife no matter her looks. If 40 year old Burmese women look attractive (oh yeah they did for some cosmically mysterious reason), then I've got more than good chances. I mean geese, I just haven't gotten a woman to be attracted to me, this is a two sided problem you know. Are women not attracted to me, how is this even stinking possible, the world may never know!



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20 Apr 2013, 12:43 am

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
She's not worried about your fantasies or standards, but pointing out that being totally focused on the fantasy may cause you to lose sight of those high quality people around you. Attractiveness is subjective, so why put yourself in that category? Who would you measure yourself against?


On the other hand, "If you like potatoes you will never starve." I can't remember whose quote that was, some famous artist or writer in the 1800s I think, but he was referring to the availability of women. :)



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20 Apr 2013, 4:17 pm

PrncssAlay wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
She's not worried about your fantasies or standards, but pointing out that being totally focused on the fantasy may cause you to lose sight of those high quality people around you. Attractiveness is subjective, so why put yourself in that category? Who would you measure yourself against?


On the other hand, "If you like potatoes you will never starve." I can't remember whose quote that was, some famous artist or writer in the 1800s I think, but he was referring to the availability of women. :)


I googled your quote, but couldn't find anything. :shrug:

Maybe you just dreamed it?



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20 Apr 2013, 4:37 pm

PrncssAlay wrote:
"If you like potatoes you will never starve."


Meh, I eat raw potatoes as a snack, peeled with no salt. :? (in real life, and as in the plant, but I do enjoy tattooed women, strong assertive women all the way to so shy only able to be outside if they are with me women, tall women, short women, and virtually any cup sized women) Who says potatoes aren't delicious and sexy? 8)