Look out! It's a Nice Guy! DESTROY HIM!!

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Actually, nice is the default setting for many men and women. I've had plenty of men be nice to me and not be interested in me, and I have been nice to many men without being interested in them.

Sorry, but being a decent human being to everyone does not entitle you to a relationship, just like it doesn't entitle you to $1,000,000.

yes,alot of guys confuse crush on female friends and friendzone.
does the girl act like a friend,or does she act like a girlfriend.
that's the difference between the two.

We have two different scenarios here, then.
1. Guy wants an eventual romantic relationship, doesn't make his intentions known. Girl knows early on that she doesn't want a romantic relationship, but isn't aware that Guy does.
Girl isn't at fault at all because she has no idea what Guy is aiming for, and he isn't making his intentions clear.
2. Guy wants an eventual romantic relationship, makes his intentions known. Girl knows early on that she doesn't want a romantic relationship, doesn't say anything until "friendzone" occurs.
This is the specific scenario that you're talking about, and the one where Girl might arguably be at fault for not being upfront. There could be a number of reasons for her not being upfront, however, and immediately assuming ill intent isn't necessarily the way to go. There's also a number of ways for this to play out. If Guy only thinks he's making his intentions known by "sending signals", this is where that inconvenient thin line between romance and close friendship comes into play. If Girl doesn't think of Guy that way, she's not going to pick up those signals as romantic. This isn't her fault. The only real scenario I can think of where Girl is unquestionably at fault is where Guy explicitly says he wants a relationship at some point, and Girl knows she will never want one, but doesn't say anything and deliberately leads Guy on.

Some women have also had very unpleasant experiences with being honest with men about what they want. You can say, "I'm not like that, though," but then you have to ask yourself if she has any way of knowing this for sure. Some guys will put on a face until they know they're not getting what they want, and then the gloves come off.



I like how you say a man wouldn't "pretend" to be an ugly woman's friend like it's some form of charity.
I'm not saying there aren't women who do the quasi-girlfriend thing for material gain from a guy they aren't attracted to, but the opposite isn't totally true, either. It actually is possible for a woman to genuinely want to be friends with a man she has no physical or romantic attraction to and not harbor any ulterior motives. Some people express friendly affection through dinners and hugs. Again, the thin line between romance and close friendship is at play. You see these gestures as romantic rather than platonic because that's what you want to see, but there's nothing technically explicit about their nature.

you ladies really don't want to date these ugly nice guys,fine then. Please,stop with all this entitlement speech.
just say you don't like them,and that's it.

ok, what is a person simply cannot [for whatever reason] become sufficiently "competent"? it is like how one needs experience to get a particular job but if nobody hires the person to give him or her some experience, how can that person get experienced enough to land the job? if no male or female will give somebody a chance to begin with, how does the person get a chance to develop competency in the first place? all this relating stuff is just too damned complicated.

that is SO EFFING SAD!! !

We never "dated", just hung out in the same geeky group. I thought she was nice, but never for a moment did I think there was anything more to it.

^^^
I often wished god had made it so that our thoughts were transparent to one another. thataway there would never be any situations where a nice gal or guy had to suffer unbeknownst to others. if that had been the case I might've been married long ago.

Competence and confidence are not the same thing. You can be confident and clueless and still fail.

I once read a global survey where American high schoolers rated themselves extremely competent at math while most of the rest of the world's high schoolers rated themselves far worse. Near the bottom was South Korea -- where teenagers rated themselves "fair" on average vs. Americans who rated themselves "excellent" at math on average.

When actual performance was tested, America was near the bottom out of about 40 nations tested, and South Korea was #2 behind Finland. I think the same logic applies to dating.

Guys who are confident but not competent are often the creepers, harrassers, and rapists that everyone talks about. Meanwhile, guys who are competent but not confident may get passed over for a time but probably figure things out eventually.

There was a morbidly obese boy at my school who was confident but not competent. He had a habit of sexually assaulting girls who would turn him down - not penetrative rape but creepy s**t like pinning me against a bus window while humping my ass and trying to grab my breasts. I don't get if he thought that would make us like him or what.

Glad I have no confidence now.

There are ways to f**k it up, yes.



You seem like you're projecting your negative feelings about having no confidence of your own onto those that do.

If two people become close [intimate] "guy-girl friends", it's a given that eventually it should develop into a relationship. If one person doesn't want this to happen, then the closeness should stop before anything too serious happens.

Friendships come in all sorts, with different dynamics for each. If you want a buddy kind of friendship, it's a really bad idea to let a single guy who you know can potentially develop romantic feelings for you to be your "buddy friend" if you're not interested in him. This thing almost always ends up with a negative outcome.

^^^
I'm not sure about that.

Most of my guy friends really do treat me and talk to me like their "buddy", even if a good or close buddy, basically treating me like one of the boys even if they are a tiny bit better mannered (although some of them really aren't ) - even when they open up about things important to them. They do not look at me in that way that a man looks at a woman when he really really likes her, or talk to me in the way that a man will when he's interested in terms of emotional intimacy. The difference is really obvious. In such cases, I really doubt anything will ever develop.

There's my answer i have been searching for... Competence... It's really sad to hear about the obese boy...

This is the kind of s**t I worry about myself, I have confidence but probably not enough competence. I really hate to be seen as a creep that way...

I notice you didn't criticise her argument. Why is that?