I played a mind game on my gf.

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EDIT - wants no part in a devilish thread, or a dramafest.

Last edited by octobertiger on 28 Oct 2013, 9:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Do you think these complaints of hers may stem from culturally based gender expectations? That may be something you would both benefit from discussing.

Yes, they've still got some pretty traditional gender roles. It's been brought up.

"Have fun with them then."

That being said, some girls are more forgiving than I. I'm not going to put her down for giving him a chance. When tensions are high, some not-so-nice things can be said. It's up to personal opinion whether what is said is unforgivable or not.

I find it funny the majority of my life, I wasn't even forgiven for some of the smallest slights. So when someone was willing to forgive me for sleeping with another woman (not exclusive, and we were just seeing eachother at the time), I found it hard to believe.

Can't...resist to ... say it but that is so so so typical eastern; I am living among this.

"Men don't act like", " You are a man, don't do this /don't wear that color", "You must do this, you're a man", "this is girly" - so common

It's women, not just men, who often imply men behavior on men, especially their men, and keep drawing a definite line between men behavior and women's.

As my mother once put it: "In the east, they only see men and women but not humans" - extreme eh? but can't be more true, she said that sarcastically when politicians on TV were extremely mocking the manhood of a rival one for showing tears on air because of some tragedy back then (killed kids in air strike). That shows how much Gender is so defining of person in this part of the world.

I am not trying to scare you Shau, but I am giving insight on what you are dealing with. How much your western mind can tolerate these gender-ised comments and guidelines before you crack? Because you are dealing with that exact same mentality mentioned above, if you are not close to her own idea of a "man" she has in mind then this girl will tire you a lot.... a lot.

I've tried explaining this to feminists before in actual serious discussions, and it does not go down well. It's like trying to explain to MRA's that men aren't oppressed: Good luck.



About 3 and a half months, apparently.

Completely agree. I have annoyed more than one woman by claiming she is the reason we are all marginalised and downtrodden because of the way she is raising her own son and how she behaves towards her husband/partner

Trouble is, most people want to complain about stuff but can't be bothered to endure the discomfort that's always required to change anything.

The thing about moving to much while dancing. It depends on the style you are dancing, but if you are dancing something that is about circles and half circles, then actually, both partners MUST respect to do little movements, while being the circle middle and big movement when circling outside.

If you are dancing waltzer, and its actually your turn to be the one circling in the middle, then you do a circle and with it an 180° movement, with three steps. Your partner has to follow you, as well only is allowed to do three steps, and is starting with his/her feet about half an meter away from you. So if you move your center circle with yout three steps for about 1 - 1,5 meter, because of you being very large, as example, your partners needs to move as well with three steps, the 0,5 meter distance he/she is anyway standing away from you, the 1,00 - 1,50 meter distance you moved the circle position, and again 0,50 m to be again in front of you, after you did your 180° turn.

Moving 1,00-1,50 with three steps can be done, specially if you have long legs. Moving 2,00-2,50 meters with three steps, is already about doing athletic sport, not about elegant dancing. Specially, if you (as I think) are a bit more traditional, and so expect your female partner to wear a dress, that is limiting movement. (So you can dance, but not do distance jumps with it. ^^) And anyway, you or your partner are not supposed to jump around while dancing, so there should be no need to wear dresses that allow jumping.

I keep getting this nagging feeling I'm missing a sarcasm sign somewhere, cause I'm not inclined to call women the entire reason they're oppressed, just that the contributions women make in perpetuating masculine stereotypes cannot be underestimated or ignored.

At least in my case, the choice between female sexual approval and the approval of a bunch of "bros" is no choice at all.



We're talking about dancing in your typical club. Apparently, anything more than bobbing your head or grinding on some chick is "too girly".

I don't know how you missed it, here it is again, thrice:

And just for you, let me add that what I had done in that sentence was to exaggerate for dramatic effect. (it's a literary device, to make my boring words seem more interesting)

About the non-dancing topic. From my opinion, if your girlfriend is still into teenie mindplaygames, that are a waste for an relationship, then you rather should focus of getting that behavior out of your relationship, instead of hardening it, by agreeing into being her "mindgames" playpartner. Its not about if it is now good or bad, that you won the last match, but by doing so yourself, you are adding into your relationship, what you yourself expressed to have not been comforting for you. So I think rather then winning the mindgames with your partner, you would have that mindgames totally terminated.

In no way does that mean to accept such a behavior, but instead of getting into that behavior yourself, I would work on getting that behavior out of your relationship.

That means on one side to make yourself more stable against such mindgames, by realizing that you are who you are, and if the way you are is not hurtening someone, then you dont need to bother yourself about being the way you are. If you do too large steps in a dance, where doing so simply causes physical problems, that not a critic upon you, but simply a realization of actual physics. If you are simply dancing the way you do, and noone is disturbed by that, why do you think you need to be ashamed of that, only because someone points on that, or tells it to be girlish? You need to be ashamed of hurting people, not of "not being someone else".

So if you want to block your partners mindgames really essentielly, then do so by making yourself immune to mindgames. Analyze yourself, why the things you say are hurtening you. If there are blames that are for true, accept them and think about them. There is nothing bad about thinking about your partners feeling, and if you may have really hurt them, thats what relationships are about: Caring for each other. If they are blames, that are about stuff that you are not to take the blame, dont take it. If you still take, when even your logic tells you that its not like that, try to analyze why that is hurting you, if you know by logic that it isnt for true.

And the second step to block mindgames and ban them out of your relationship is helping your partner as well to analyze. Your partners still seems to be into teenager behavior. "I dont know exactly why something is disturbing me, but instead of analyzing exactly what is disturbing me, so that I can talk with my partner about it, I instead mention it in an hidden way (that I dont even realize myself), whenever we have the next stress-situation." Thats not happening to teenies on purpose, but because of them not having learned yet to analyze themselves their feelings. So get your partner to do so. If you have managed to block an offense, then respond to it and ask your partner to analzye it.

"What you said is offending to me. And I think you are aware of it, so that means that you tried to offend me, and hurt me with it, on purpose. What is causing you to have the wish to hurt me? I am not said, about what you said in your anger, but I am troubled about you, having the wish to hurt me. There must be a reason for it, because partners normally dont have the wish to hurt themselves. So what was causing the wish to hurt me, inside you? Whats the cause of your frustration? With your words you only have told me, that you feel bothered by the way I dance. But you did not mention why you feel bothered by that?"

She sounds like a pain in the ass. I hope she's worth it............

Depends on whether or not she is saying all this in a joking manner.

If she's serious and actually nagging, then yeah, that's a red flag there.

:-/
Why?

With this new insight into her, if you like stepping up and being a man, I suppose your relationship could work...what a messed up thing it sounds to be!

So glad I'm free to just be a person.

It is really crazy and true that some women who call themselves feminists don't accept/see the flipside to their stance, that men should also be free to act more like women if they want to, in all forms of their lives including in relationships.

Derailing the thread: I generally hate stereotyping, especially based on your gender. Sure people are part of multiple different subgroups, but ultimately we're all incredibly unique. I guess it all ties into how important first impressions are to us though. I wonder if the lack of first glance information about the individuals we interact with online is why I, and seemingly many others, find comfort in talking to relative strangers online. I also suppose that's why I've often chosen to have masculine-sounding names on purpose, not because I want to be treated like a man, but because once it's found out I'm a woman, even that little hint of info that we often have about someone based on nothing but a glance, their gender based on their name, has to be tossed aside.