Why dating sites are BS

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I'm glad it worked out in your particular case, but this statement could not be further from the truth. People really do act differently online: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Online_di ... ion_effect

Lying is especially common in online dating: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/13/fashi ... earch.html



(If only that was all they misrepresented!)

Apart from the obvious problem that you just can't take anything in a profile at face value, it creates a secondary problem: people expect others to lie. So even if your profile is 100% honest people will think that you're probably lying. Sounds like the "too good to be true" problem GiantHockeyFan posted about earlier.



I think that's an excellent point. It could explain a lot.

Maybe I'm an anomaly, or maybe it's part of living in a relatively unpopulated area, but everyone I've met in real life who I'd met online first, was pretty much exactly as they represented themselves online. Granted, I've met way more people from special interest forums I'm involved with than I have through dating sites. The few I've met through dating sites, however, were also definitely exactly as they described themselves. There's absolutely no point in lying about oneself online if you are ultimately going to meet the other person. In fact, it's counter-productive.

I understand the rationale of the Wiki article about all the psychological factors playing into "online disinhibition," but I'm not sure I agree that the vast majority of people "on the internet" are grossly misrepresenting themselves. While it is quite likely that many have a tendency to exaggerate their online, I'm not sure that qualifies as a radical change from real life, since people tend to place the same emphasis on their good qualities, and downplay their bad IN REAL LIFE. I think the mild exaggerators in real life are going to mildly exaggerate on the internet; the more extreme exaggerators in real life are going to extremely exaggerate on the internet; the real-life outright liars are going to have a field day on the internet.

Personally, the closest I come to online disinhibition is in painting with broad strokes vs. going into details. I figure people who've never met me could not give a rat's ass about the minute details of my life, so I tend to stick with generalities about myself as opposed to specific details. If I ultimately get to know well one or more of the group (such as a forum or a dating site), of course I will reveal more details.

Again, it may be a generational thing. Those of us who grew up without the internet never had a venue in which we could "live fantasy lives" so to speak. We never had a place where we were not held 100% accountable for everything we said and did. I think that's a difficult habit to break. I can see how younger generations, having always had the internet, and having been raised on a diet of online role-playing games, would find it more difficult to make the distinction between simply playing a role on the internet and outright lying.

I feel the same way. I don't see the point of sharing the specifics of your life with random strangers on the internet. First impressions will give you enough information, and If you really want to get to know someone well you have to spend time with them. I see some people treating their dating profile as a blog, and to me that defeats the purpose of the website.

Speaking of rejection messages, someone whose messages I didn't reply, sent me another one again saying that he saw me last night. He mentioned a specific town and I was there. I'm a bit creeped out. I wonder if he was following me. I went to two places and I don't know where exactly he saw me so now I need to avoid going to those places.

Yes, I would say that's definitely a stalker alert. I wouldn't say he's certainly stalking you at this point just because weird coincidence can happen, but I'd be very cautious. This is also another reason to be utterly clear and give a response when you're not interested.

I'm pretty sure it was just a coincidence that he saw me. But it has been my concern that people might recognize me from the site so I'm freaked out because it actually happened.
I wonder if anybody had similar experience.

I once saw someone at my work that I recognized from a dating site, although I hadn't talked to her on it or anything. I remembered seeing her profile and debating sending a message, but she didn't seem to be super-compatible so I didn't. A few days later I saw her in a meeting at work and immediately recognized her. Of course, I didn't mention anything, but it kind of shocked me.

Your case, on the other hand, sounds kind of scary. I know I would be freaked out if that happened to me.

Well I mean if you're on a dating site you're there to "put yourself on the market" so to speak. You're essentially advertising yourself, and advertising is about exposure. You shouldn't be surprised if other people in real life recognize you, and if you happen to run into one by accident realize they're in the same boat as you since they're on the same site, so chat em up-- you never know who's online profile you skipped over happens to be a keeper in real life.

I guess.
But I don't know about chatting them up on the spot though. I certainly don't want to be spoken by a stranger when I'm out shopping alone.
I want to ask him where he saw me but he is half my age so I feel kinda icky to talk to him.

Lol, you sexy cougar, you

I can understand not having anything culturally in common, maturity differences, differences in what you want physically, but age is just a number. For all you know he could be an "old soul" that's every bit as mature as yourself. I mean if it was just a coincidence and not some weird stalking thing then I'd say chalk it up to fate and give it a chance myself, you never know. All of this is assuming he's not like middle school/go to jail young, lol. Either way, good luck and stay safe.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZzMtFvQK5g[/youtube]Dating sites in a nutshell!

LMAO!! ! That really sums up the problems of dating sites to a tee. It's all fake. If you want a date, there is something out there beyond the internet that might work; has anyone ever heard of "THE REAL WORLD??!" I will never use internet dating sites again,except for okcupid for the sole reason of wanting to find out more about myself and what the right kind of woman would be for me - but not for dating. The end. Thanks for that youtube uplink! That was hilarious.

Well I might have to eat my words this weekend! On Monday I logged into my OKCupid to permanently shut it down and noticed I had an incredible 12 visitors in 4 days and 2 messages and one *gasp* was actually very well written! What's more remarkable was that she just signed up and works most evenings (and always on Friday/Saturday evenings) so I would have never have met her in person. She is literally exactly what I am looking for (aside from the opposite work schedules) and the type I have never seen before on a dating site. She asked me out tomorrow and I actually have a good feeling she is as genuine as her messages. She has even asked details about my profile and actually got beyond small talk to find out what really makes me tick without being pushy about it. A first for online dating!

Still, I maintain that I will take down my profile at least for a while once she gives me her # no matter what happens. I will probably never see another 'real' girl like her on a dating site for a long time and it's not worth the headaches and jaded attitude I have developed towards females.

*Checks date* No, it's May 2nd, never mind. Let us know how it goes. I guess it's possible that she's as good as she seems, but I'm not ready to believe it just yet.

I have been going at these sites for some time now, and have only managed to get the attentions of cam girls, catfishers, and some very timid characters. They don't leave a number or suggest a meeting location (I always ask to meet in a public place with plenty of people so that she feels safer, under the assumption that she might be thinking about the possibility walking into some kind of trap to force her into some kind of human trafficking ring, obviously I have been watching too much law and order). I started to kick it after I considered the demographic that uses these kinds of sites. older people, men (unattractive, I'm a straight guy but I can tell), unattractive women and if attractive, they live in small towns with a population they are growing tired of and want to expand their outreach. You'll never find any attractive women on these sites for many reasons. Attractive women don't need the assistance of a dating site to meet guys (sometimes girls) assuming that they have offers for drinks or dating requests from strangers throughout the day and have a wide selection to choose from. The attractive ones are either crazy, dim witted, or just plain weird. I personally don't believe in leagues (I assume we've outgrown it upon leaving highschool since cliques not longer exist in the real world, All the popular kids with Histrionic Personality Disorder are probably struggling to thrive in their new environment where they are no longer the primary center of attention and find it difficult to become it. I believe you can have any girl you want under certain conditions and stipulations. Be interesting, just start talking (not about yourself, monologging about something never turns out good seeing that it only makes you come off as arrogant and self absorbed. Ask her the questions since they conveys a message of interest. If she starts asking questions, answer them but without a lot of elaboration, leave room for interpretation for her to figure out, eventually she will try to pick your brain because she can't stand not knowing. When rejected just move on to the next. You can't execute this online since all you have are your looks and nothing else, you expect me to believe people read your profile, Lets not forget that fake and absurd profile on OKCupid that was posted earlier this year that got thousands of responses even if she had a seriously offensive profile.The only problem I have with real-life are douche bags but that is a given since with such competition many will feel the need to compensate their insecurities with false confidence achieved through cockiness. Back on the persons with Histrionic Personality disorder, I will never understand what make these people datable since they tend to do some very stupid things. And those with the Mallenby Effect (I'm in college and there are plenty of those roaming around the dorms on the weekends). When girls succomb to the half baked charms these guys put on them, I disregard it. Although in some cases I found them to be domestically abused in the future, I'm not satisfied by these outcomes but feel it to be inevitable because of their fogged judgement, lack of common sense, and (maybe this one isn't their fault) vulnerability towards persuasion.