pj4990 wrote:
Andreger wrote:
"Being yourself" is not working in many circumstances. Yes, when acting like you feel more comfortable you can find like-minded people around but there is no guarantee there would be any of opposite sex - many mindsets, hobbies and interests have vast majority of M or F. I felt about it for myself.
It won't guarantee finding a partner with the same interests, but it does more or less guarantee not ending up in relationship with someone who tries to ban them. It also vastly increases the chances of finding someone who may not like exactly the same thing but is of a compatible mindset - for example a keen maths enthusiast may not find many female maths enthusiasts, but being a keen academic may attract a female academic who's into marine biology and may not be very interested in the maths but has respect for it. This would be a far better match than a woman who's only interested in gymnastics and wants you to drop "that stupid geek stuff" with no understanding or respect for how important it is to you.
I think you have it right when it comes to respect. My wife has little interest in technology, and I have little interest in her field of work. We have respect for each other, and have enough things besides sex that we both enjoy so that the relationship is comfortable and secure. She's not bothered that I think some of her favorite TV shows are stupid, and I'm not bothered that she doesn't care what my new oscilloscope can do.
She's not stuck on some fairy tale that we need to be soul mates that complete each other. When one or both partners need the other, it's not a healthy attachment. When you make a conscious choice to be with another person because of mutual trust, respect, and honesty, it is a healthy attachment.
19 Jan 2015, 8:44 pm
