Is it unfair of me to ask my gf for a prenup in this case?

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It makes you a more intelligent and responsible adult.

Okay thanks. So if the choice is loosing her over the prenup then, then it's still adult as well?

I do feel that I am being hypocritical, cause people say she has a problem cause she is giving an ultimatum. But so am I, so what makes me different?

The ability to negotiate compromises is the key to successful relationships, so now you have such a situation that you can solve or not solve. It's all up to the two of you.

Many states consider that all assets owned by two people when they get married become marital assets and are owned jointly. Pretty much everything, with few exceptions like inheritance, will have to be shared in a divorce unless tbere is a signed agreement.
The gf read an email that was not addressed to her. It happens but not without intent. You can't read past the intro of an email and not know you are not the intended recipient.
In my opinion, the gf sounds immature. If she doesn't like the idea of a prenup then she can discuss it in a mature manner without throwing out threats like deciding not to have children. Since you are the one with the most to lose financially you are smart to protect yourself. How many people find out the hard way that no matter how much love a marriage starts out with it doesn't end that way half the time. Those are not great odds.
It is not unreasonable to want to collect information before broaching a subject. Perhaps she was upset at first but should recover from her emotional response and understand the logic of the situation. If she doesn't then it's best you found out now. What a mistake to bend to her threats now and regret it later.

Just have too add, plenty of people who are very much in love get a prenup. Its a protection for both of you. If she makes a ton of money in the future, her assets will be protected as well. She is trying to protect herself by not having a prenup if you live in a joint division state and she has no intention of earning any money. Putting it all in writing makes it clear from the beginning what will happen in the future - better for both of you to know now. There is a huge difference between what you are asking and what she is asking. You are asking for protection and she is asking you (not herself) to be unprotected. It is not one ultimatum against another. You want a prenup and she is fighting it. You can just as easily say, if she loved you why would she care if there's a prenup? Money is the biggest issue that causes divorce and you are already at that point now, what does the future hold?

There's also a huge difference between demanding a prenup that leaves the other person with zip in the way of support upon divorce and one that says each person keeps the assets they bring into the marriage, but stuff earned/accumulated during the marriage is split if there's a divorce.

Refusing to budge on the prenup, doesn't actually show any ability to negotiate compromises, they both seem to have trouble in that area. I mean to the OP, have you looked into any other options outside of a prenup? and would you be willing to listen to her explain why she doesn't want one and try to find a middle ground? Of course if she's not willing to do that it may not be meant to be...but as it stands it seems both of you are unwilling to compromise.

In her case maybe she is just deeply hurt at the implication she might screw you over in a divorce and thus is untrustworthy, combined with you consulting legal representation before even mentioning any agreements/contracts aside from the marriage to her personally. Or maybe she is immature and not someone to get too involved with, no one here can make that judgement at least not accurately...but both are possible.

Oh maybe she's upset because she won't be able to screw him over. They could divorce 20 years from now. People change even if she doesn't want to screw him over now she may be angry and want to get at him when they divorce. Unless she plans to screw him over then why not sign it 0.o

Is not asking about sexual partners accusing them of being w slut

Is not asking for std test accusing them of slitting around and getting stds. There's lot of things that people do in every relationship that could be taken as accusations but aren't. Pretty sure prenups are Norma for high class marriages but until recently middle class and poor people never had a reason to do it so it's seen as non normal

I'd want to have a prenup stating stuff we owned before together is still owned by me or her when together. Divorce laws favore women and they can get family heirlooms in divorces. I don't want to get married and divorced and lose my gun collection to ex. Imagine if laws favored men women would feel the and way

Well today my gf asked if we could go see a venue for booking a wedding at this wednesday. I told that her that I was scheduled to see a lawyer at the time. She was bothered by this. I told her that even if we don't get a prenup, she said before she was open to other financial options she said such as having separate accounts and funds. I told her I am just going over all of it with a lawyer to see what the financial options are in general.

She then acted like she was not okay with this now, even though she said she was willing to have it as a compromise instead of a prenup before.

She then was really bothered by this and said that I need to grow a pair of balls, and should have told her I was going to see a lawyer.

I told her before that I might see a lawyer next week, but she didn't ask me about it since I made the plan and I didn't tell her. Now that she asked what I was doing that day, I told her and I was honest.

I told her that my balls are telling that I should stick the appointment since I made it first, and I will give you other free times next week instead for us to look at venues.

She then said that she is no longer going to have sex with me for a long time now. Hmmm... okay???

Did I go behind her back or something again by only telling her I might see a lawyer, and not confirming the appointment?

A few minutes later she came back and apologized saying she overreacted and that she just wants me to be upfront with her about such appointments and keep me apprised so she is not surprised when she finds out by accident. But she apologized and she was really nice about it a few minutes later.

Do you think it's good that she apologized or is there a problem here?

I sense that she's being manipulative. She's using "no sex for a long time" as a manipulative device, I believe.

She doesn't seem like my kind of woman.

You gotta love this comeback!

"I told her that my balls are telling that I should stick the appointment since I made it first, and I will give you other free times next week instead for us to look at venues."

I say kick her to the curb. You're only 31. Spend some time on your own and get your business started. You don't need that kind of drama. Imagine what it will be like when you're stuck with her. Get out now.

It's her birthday tomorrow and I am going to tell her I am not going. I don't think it's worth me buying her a present, doing a family dinner and a night club after that balls comment.

I could tell her politely what the problem is, and why I am not going in a text message, then tell her I am not talking to her for a while and turn off my phone, if that's fair enough.

Well, I think you're doing the right thing, but what matters is you have to be comfortable with your decision. This is one of the reasons I'm scared to death of getting in a relationship - I can't take any arguing or name calling. If I was a guy, that ball comment would have sent her out the door and I wouldn't be caring if it hit her in the ass. That was just demeaning. Not to mention the ultimatums she was giving. She's already being a dictator and you haven't even tied the knot. If you do decide to fully get rid of her, you're probably going to have a problem cutting the cord.

a prenup isn't worth it for 200k in my opinion. if you had a ten million and were limiting her to one million(enough to live off the interest) instead of five, that would be a different story. you wouldn't want her out on the street even in a divorce, would you? that's going to take a big chunk of that cash you have to keep her from starving. by all means, get a legal opinion and see let me know if i'm off base.

you've been happy for three years. this whole disagreement could be an unnecessary hiccup. you might (after getting legal advice) consider apologizing for the way you made her feel (not for looking out for yourself. we all have that responsibility.) she may not be withholding sex to get you to give up on the prenup. it may be more anger out of not having been told about the lawyer trip. it was more of a miscommunication than a betrayal, but that's the nature of relationships. we all see things differently. i can't help thinking it was kind of convenient on your part not to have found it important enough to mention. my husband and i would definitely have shared info like that with each other. ignoring her birthday could make things worse. if she's not in the habit of withholding sex and not using it as leverage, i might let it slide. it's hard to have sex with someone you're angry with.

Okay thanks. It's funny you mention that I did apologize for that. However, because of her comments today, I got really turned off like when she made that remark about growing a pair, in such a condescending and demeaning way.

Well me and her had a long talk. I really would like to get the legal advice first, but the longer I wait for the appointment there difficult it is for her, since she wants an answer now and the more I wait to know what my financial options are, the longer I wait to give it to her, the more upset she gets.

She said that she only made those comments about me growing a pair, in a demeaning way is because she was mad that I made an appointment to see a lawyer without telling first, since I was waiting to see what the options were before bringing it up to her again.

She apologized and said she didn't mean it and just wish that I had it in her to tell her before.

Were those comments still manipulative, or was she just angry because I went behind her back?


As far as the prenup goes, I wouldn't just leave her with nothing out on the street, I didn't mean it that way. We would come up with the agreement, both of us, and came up with something that we were both satisfied with.

I'm afraid she sounds extremely manipulative, and suited to be neither a wife nor a mother. Someone to stay away from.