Not feeling (romantically) - is that an AS thing?

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Did you ever take the MBTI personality test?

I'm pretty sure that's an asexual thing buddy.

Aromantic asexual to be exact

Are you responding to my OP?

I don't understand why you associate emotions with sex. I don't... I like sex but I can't connect emotionally with it. So I'm most definitely not asexual , I dunno about aromantic because googling that definition it says "aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships". I'm NOT satisfied this way.

On the MYers Briggs test I consistently come out as an INFJ

Same here, and that's actually the big problem with the asexual label when it comes to neurodiversity. Neurodiverse asexuality doesn't mean low sex drive or dislike for all types of sex. It's a specific dislike for or inability to bond with sex.

You are confusing definitions.

"Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity. It may be considered the lack of a sexual orientation, or one of the variations thereof, alongside heterosexuality, homosexuality and bisexuality."

Has nothing to do with bonding or neurodiversity (and I may not even be neurodiverse anyway).

So no, if you like sexual activity and are able to be attracted sexually, then you are not asexual. I'm not either.

Last edited by itsme82 on 09 Apr 2017, 1:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I was/am curious about Keigan's MBTI. But thanks for answering anyway

Sorry!

No worries!

Maybe I am confusing definitions, but so are most neurodiverse people too. The problem is that there is no category "I don't bond with sex", "I find sexual intercourse disgusting" or similar. People only have the "asexual" label available, and it is not really relevant for much of neurodiverse asexuality.

So we either need to change the definition of asexuality or add new categories that are relevant for neurodiverse people.

If you feel no emotional bond with a person with whom you are having sex, it might as well be masturbation to me.

I don't like feeling the body of a person who is "just there."

I might think about sex with some lady in the street--but Id have to get to know her at least a bit before I feel a desire to touch her sexually.

OK, I see what you mean.

Though wait.

"I don't bond with sex" != "I find sexual intercourse disgusting"

The former may have completely normal sexual orientation and interest. So no category is needed for it. For the emotional side of it there needs to be a category yes, but not for the sexual side of it. The emotional side can be things like alexithymia.

The latter statement is a version of asexuality.

Hope that makes things clearer.

Last edited by itsme82 on 12 Apr 2017, 5:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Masturbation to me gets boring compared to actual sex. Sex with someone comes with more visual stimulation, more action. Just a lot more things overall.

I'm sure the lack of emotional bonding there has something to do with the issue of not feeling in love too. Just very hard for me to get there. I don't think it must be impossible though... like you implied earlier in this thread, I agree with that though it's about more than just being picky.

I agree that they don't need to be the same thing, but they are likely related. It's hard to survey people for bonding with sex (haven't tried it, and I don't think it would work), but surveying for sexual intercourse being disgusting works pretty well. Finding sexual intercourse disgusting has a .6 correlation to identifying as asexual, both have a similar answer distribution (and, thus a similar prevalence), and both actually mediate problems with intimacy later in life when felt as a teenager. It's even the case that finding sexual intercourse disgusting has less non-answers, and better mediation properties compared to asexual, so actually would be a much better concept that people would understand without problems.

I don't think either of those concepts relates to alexithymia.



For me, all kinds of sex based on visual stimulation and attraction gets boring very quickly. It doesn't matter if it is porn or real sex with somebody. In fact, for me, falling in love with somebody does this directly. It turns off the attraction part almost instantly, which means I have no desire for sex based on visual stimulation at all with that person. I can't even use a person I'm in love with as masturbation material. It simply doesn't work, and that is regardless of how attractive she is.

Actually, the only kind of sex that doesn't get boring, and which I can do repeatedly with the same person, is the spiritual variant, and only if I have no visual input or thoughts about sexual attraction.

Why do you think they are "likely related"?

They are not related in my case. I don't find sex disgusting, quite the opposite, and I still can't have emotional bond over sex.

You can survey people about this by asking if they have any problem emotionally with one-night stands.

And yes, it can be related to alexithymia just fine, why would it be less related to that than to asexuality?

Btw, finding sex disgusting is hardly a "concept". It's just, finding sex disgusting, no more, no less. Asexuality is a concept because it's an abstract idea beyond just statements, e.g. the idea of some psychological mechanism or the idea of a collection of related traits, etc.




You sound demisexual or something like that.

Additionally, you sound like you have a separation between pure physical sexual desire and the more refined feelings. I do have the separation too, but for me it works the opposite way lol. In terms of, how I find it easy to handle the former with anyone I've had it with, and not the latter.

They are only weakly related. Just like asexuality has a weak, negative relation to many NT relationship preferences.



Have done that, and the results are "messed up" by hypersexuality and other neurodiverse relationship traits.



The "concept" is to find bonding with sexual intercourse disgusting. That's also what is likely to drive dislike for one-night-stands.

The concept behind asexuality today is a lack of sexual attraction. That's not something that I can identify with, but I certainly can identify with finding sexual intercourse disgusting. I never had a one-night-stand, and I find the whole concept repulsive.



Possible. Still, I don't find demisexual that clear either.



We might be more similar that we think. It might all come down to experience. I'm talking from the perspective of single cases, and I might miss some experiences altogether.