@ltcvnzl, this has probably been said before but you are fortunate to not be one of those women who face being constantly "hit on" when going about in public.
Do you still do online dating? Not sure if you live in a large urban area, but I would think that a big city would be better for online dating, because you could connect with local people with whom you could easily meet up. I have never done it, but a couple of women on this forum were successful this way, although they had to persevere for some time before meeting the right guy. Luckily they stuck with it.
But regarding my earlier post about expressing interest, are there guys in your life you would want to date, given what you know of them? I believe you have said that you attend some kind of school, presumably it's not overwhelmingly female. And you say that you have started making friends. Having the beginnings of a social network, you could certainly reach out to some of those guys to let them know you are interested. If any of them would find you attractive, you won't be invisible to them anymore. Instead, they'll be thinking "there's a girl who may actually like me, should I...?" I know this because I have experienced this myself. Sure, some guys will shoot you down. As a guy, I know what this is like as I experienced it many times. But some will be interested. You have to assume that a lot of guys who you might think are attractive haven't had a date in quite some time. Finding out that you might be interested in them could be one of the best things that has happened to them for a while!
Does every guy you date have to be a perfect match? There's a well-known saying that "perfection is the enemy of good." Remind yourself up front that you probably won't marry the next guy you start dating on a regular basis.
Speaking of (gasp!) sex, you mentioned that you were surprised that someone (your ex-boyfrend) would really want to have sex with you. I can remember thinking the same thing the first time I had a girlfriend (the summer before my 21st birthday) having gotten signals my whole life that I was undesirable. I can also remember posting once on WP that sex might be more important to some on the spectrum (at least those who don't have problems with it due to sensory issues) because it is the only way some of us can feel truly close to another person. Maybe this is a large part of why you still feel close to him. It might do you some good to be physically intimate with somebody else, even if you and that person aren't madly in love with each other. At age 25, you are certainly entitled to make such a decision. Popular belief would have it that NTs your age do this all the time, who says you can't? BTW in my case, all my sexual encounters prior to the age of 30 were initiated by the girl/woman to some degree; in a couple of cases these propositions were quite brazen, and I can confidently say they were undeniably "using me for sex" and I'm not at all ashamed of that. I think it's OK if the guy at least respects you. Sorry if all that offended you, but I felt the need to say it.
One more thing. You seem to have had a good experience living overseas, why not try it again? As I said in a earlier comment, girls who are "plus size" or however you want to say it, have boyfriends and get married all the time in the US. You might enjoy spending some time in the US where nobody will insist that you look like Gisela Bündchen. How's your Spanish? You could go spend 6 months in Mexico to learn Spanish, I am sure there are a number of schools there that cater to foreign students having this goal in mind. It's my impression that Mexican guys don't mind an extra kilo or two.
Please believe I mean only the best even if you don't agree with everything I have said!
25 Aug 2018, 1:32 am
