Will I have to become what I hate?

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It's not about being slu*ty. You meet somebody you hit off with, you date them, get into a relationship, that involves sleeping with them. It's extremely common. NT's are very good at it.

Well actually, being in a relationship does not automatically have anything to do with sex. I know a couple that has been together for a bit over three years and they don't have sex. As far as I know couples like them are in the minority, but the point is that being in a relatioship doesn't automatically mean one gets sex.

I wish I could be in a relationship like that. (I know it sounds weird coming from a man.) Early this year (2017), I developed an intense aversion to sex, after 12 years of actively looking for it and enjoying it immensely. To illustrate my point, I now feel about sex the same way you'd feel about sticking your bare hand into a poop-filled public toilet. Heck, I can't even handle French kissing, unless I'm drunk. It's not a sensory thing at all; the aversion is strictly psychological. I still like hugs, holding hands, and other low-level, fully-clothed gestures of affection. But that's it.

So if I could have a relationship with a woman where we don't do anything beyond kissing, I'd be totally content. But I know well that most women will expect sex from me. And sex has a dangerously high risk of pregnancy, unless I get a vasectomy, which has dangerous side effects of its own. So I choose to stay away altogether.

So TRUE!! !

My point is that having sex in your late teens and early 20's is extremely common. It's not "slu*ty". Not being able to find a girlfriend at my age is pretty bad already.

If you could get together with an asexual woman then that wouldn't be a problem.

I sometimes fear that all women will become asexual one day but a part of me realizes it doesn't make sense. I just hope if I do get another girlfriend, she won't have a problem with oral sex. My first and only girlfriend was okay with penetrative sex but not oral, giving or receiving.

Meh. The notion of any kind of sexual activity, foreplay and all, but ESPECIALLY penetrative intercourse, makes my skin crawl. I can handle French kissing, but I have to be drunk to actually to enjoy it. None of it is sensory or "moral"; it's strictly psychological. Heck, even driving past sex-oriented businesses, like lingerie shops or strip clubs (but not adult video stores), puts me on edge. Watching pornography on my computer, interestingly, has no such effect. Oh, and for the records, I'm 100% straight. In the past, I used to enjoy sex very much.

The only "relationship contact" I feel fully comfortable with, are hugs and cheek kisses; that's it. Which are innocuous enough to be acceptable between platonic friends.

I only feel grossed out by sexual things if it's something unexpected, forced, or if it's by rednecks or ghetto thugs. My siblings told me they once found a sex toy in my father's house called the "triple clit flicker" and I felt sick to my stomach hearing about it. I never saw it myself but I never will look it up to see what it looks like.

I used to see guys get attention from the girls while I was left out in the cold by them. The girls would rub the guys' heads, backs, and sometimes kiss them while I usually got a scowl or was told "Mark, no." just for being me.

As soon as I read that, I had to look it up to see what it looks like. I googled it and found a review of it on Youtube. I clicked on the link and watched the review with my girlfriend. She thought it was hilarious but I don't think she wants to try it.

My father was engaged to his current wife when this was going on so that's another factor for me not wanting to know what it looks like. His wife is the stereotypical redneck woman and he claims she embarrasses him but he is still married to her. He still has a web of mistresses in the background. I actually think my father stole potential girlfriends from me in addition to stunting my social skills.

My younger brother is getting married this weekend. While I am happy for him and I am friends with his soon to be wife, I still feel defeated at the same time. I couldn't even get a date this year and it's all ending in failure.

https://whoism3.wordpress.com/2012/11/1 ... med-incel/

Mark read this, I'm pretty sure this is you right now if you read this it will change your life trust me.

How did your father steal potential girlfriends off you? Were they wanting to date you then dated him instead?

That was a painful read.

But I gotta say I agree with his biggest point. Improve yourself FOR yourself and stop listening to the haters.

So what was the point?
He still is alone apart from an affair with a married woman.
Yes I agree with AngelRho, and improving yourself for yourself is more healthy.

Having a growth mindset rather than a fixed mindset will allow you to find your potential.

I stated the point—improve for YOURSELF, not to impress anyone. He’s MGTOW. He’s pretty much given up on meaningful relationships. He’s not out being an @$$hole to snag women, he’s not out being an emasculated Nice Guy (TM). His intentions for unattached sex are quite clear. He doesn’t live with the pressure of being one way or another. He’s out being just enough of himself to get what he wants and doesn’t feel the need to answer to anyone for it.

I disagree with his affairs, of course. But I do admire the overall change in attitude.

I don’t understand the deal with his wife/ex, though. He’s hanging out with his ex after 12 years, or he got married during those 12 years and still wasn’t getting sex? That was confusing.

Not everyone will agree with me here, but sex in marriage is somewhat expected. It’s, like, the last thing you should ever have to worry about. It’s one of the few perks we have. You can’t even object to it on religious grounds. AND YET intimacy or the lack of it is, like, the first thing couples turn into a weapon. Like the worst bait and switch you could possibly pull.

You get married, the honeymoon is GREAT. And a week to two weeks later, she’s making you feel guilty for wanting sex. Because all of a sudden, NOW she decides it’s HER body. Come on, this wasn’t a problem just three weeks ago. What changed?

Oh, she got what she wanted and decided she’s done.

It doesn’t happen to all couples, not all women are like that, and I recognize that nobody, even married, is ENTITLED to a partner’s body. But it’s easy for men to get sold on certain ideas—like monogamy, being a Nice Guy, treating women with respect—that when he tries to forge an honest romantic relationship, or he comes to expect intimacy and she’s emotionally and physically unavailable, it’s damaging in so many ways I’m not sure a lot of women really fully understand.

That’s why a lot of guys end up cheating. They’re getting cheated and it’s a raw deal. Or guys escape into their work or hobbies, ignoring their wives, which leads to their wives cheating. Doesn’t matter, but you cannot ignore and neglect what is or isn’t happening in the bedroom. Not because one or both of you are entitled to the other’s body, but because it strengthens the bonds of the relationship.

I’m not justifying cheating, either, btw. It’s just foolish to not even try to understand what leads up to it. If you aren’t going to be there for your spouse, what’s the point of being married? Not just in the bedroom, but all facets of life. We need each other.