My girlfriend wants to have a child but I'm not ready yet

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Peacesells
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30 May 2018, 3:02 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Contraceptives can fail. I still have more risk of getting someone pregnant than goldfish does.

They can fail but what's the chance if you both use contraception??
goldfish21 wrote:
Anyways, any child born in Australia is Australian

That is not true.



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 May 2018, 4:30 am

But Australia does not exist:

https://www.express.co.uk/news/weird/95 ... conspiracy

b9 is an automated robot who claims to be 'Australian'. :mrgreen:

I think Retro shouldn't worry since he does not exist either.

Retro, you live in a Matrix.



b9
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30 May 2018, 5:05 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
But Australia does not exist:

b9 is an automated robot who claims to be 'Australian'.

ha ha!

i was programmed with that information, but i fear i am hopelessly..............lost in space



hale_bopp
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30 May 2018, 5:54 am

Can’t believe you’re even discussing this. If I was a dude and a girl said she wants a baby that soon, I’d put her in her place. That’s absurd. Don’t let yourself get walked all over.



goldfish21
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30 May 2018, 6:34 am

Peacesells wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Contraceptives can fail. I still have more risk of getting someone pregnant than goldfish does.

They can fail but what's the chance if you both use contraception??
goldfish21 wrote:
Anyways, any child born in Australia is Australian

That is not true.


What other nationality would they be for being born in Australia?


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Peacesells
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30 May 2018, 8:43 am

goldfish21 wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Contraceptives can fail. I still have more risk of getting someone pregnant than goldfish does.

They can fail but what's the chance if you both use contraception??
goldfish21 wrote:
Anyways, any child born in Australia is Australian

That is not true.


What other nationality would they be for being born in Australia?

It depends on the parents and on their status, of course.



The_Face_of_Boo
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30 May 2018, 8:52 am

Peacesells wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Contraceptives can fail. I still have more risk of getting someone pregnant than goldfish does.

They can fail but what's the chance if you both use contraception??
goldfish21 wrote:
Anyways, any child born in Australia is Australian

That is not true.


What other nationality would they be for being born in Australia?

It depends on the parents and on their status, of course.


Yes, one of the parents must be an Australian citizen or having a permanent residence.

Otherwise half of Indonesian pregnant women at 9th month would jump to Australia to pop out their babies.



goldfish21
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30 May 2018, 2:03 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Contraceptives can fail. I still have more risk of getting someone pregnant than goldfish does.

They can fail but what's the chance if you both use contraception??
goldfish21 wrote:
Anyways, any child born in Australia is Australian

That is not true.


What other nationality would they be for being born in Australia?

It depends on the parents and on their status, of course.


Yes, one of the parents must be an Australian citizen or having a permanent residence.

Otherwise half of Indonesian pregnant women at 9th month would jump to Australia to pop out their babies.


I see. I figured the prison colony would be the same as the rest of the commonwealth.

Rich Chinese women fly here to pop out their kids so they're Canadian/have the best chance of staying here.


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AngelRho
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30 May 2018, 7:59 pm

goldfish21 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
goldfish21 wrote:
Peacesells wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Contraceptives can fail. I still have more risk of getting someone pregnant than goldfish does.

They can fail but what's the chance if you both use contraception??
goldfish21 wrote:
Anyways, any child born in Australia is Australian

That is not true.


What other nationality would they be for being born in Australia?

It depends on the parents and on their status, of course.


Yes, one of the parents must be an Australian citizen or having a permanent residence.

Otherwise half of Indonesian pregnant women at 9th month would jump to Australia to pop out their babies.


I see. I figured the prison colony would be the same as the rest of the commonwealth.

Rich Chinese women fly here to pop out their kids so they're Canadian/have the best chance of staying here.

Canada has anchor babies, too?



Fay
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31 May 2018, 2:06 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Fay wrote:
As a woman i can relate to her. It doesnt neccesarly must mean she does use you. If you had the feeling she doesnt give back the love that you are give her then maybe you should try to talk with her. There are better countries to even begin with emigration. With 30 years a woman does not simply like a 18 year old do such things as they where described without haveing any idea of consequencies. She feels that clock, and yes its there with 30 you feel like your time is run out and each year that passes without that dream of family fulfilled they become more distressed to its rare to find a guy to create a family which to also treats you like a human being or is able to offer a stable relationship that lays a foundation for any future. N9w with that being said 5 years is terrifying for her mental state. To it can be seen as a test aswell to see if she comits. I can tell you 5 years is to long shell go and search for her luck elsewhere or you set her free to be fair. Shell feel like shes wasteing her life. Thats a normal process a woman must get passt at a certain age and its very difficult mentaly. To you must understand that you both are from different backgrounds and mentality. Perhaps moveing in early with your partner and planning for eventual family might be considered normal to her. That doesnt mean shell do these paranoid things most people tell.

Yes. Perhaps I should be more sympathetic to GF. I should put myself in her shoes. It may seem like I'm jeopardising her chances of getting the thing she wants most.

But she is not as single minded as that. She's not driven by primitive unquestioning urge to procreate. She has her own doubts about having kids.

They seem to come and go with her ovulation. For one week out of every months she obsesses about babies. About how cute they are. About how her friends have babies and she doesn't. About how she's 30 now and her time is running out.

The rest of the time she's more even minded. She says that she might like to have children but like me she's worried about raising them. In addition she worried about what effect pregnancy and birth will have on her body. In a way she has more to worry about than me since my body won't be effected.

A few times she's said that she doesn't want a child that much and that she's just doing this because her mother expects her to have one. She entertained notions of rebelling against her mother by not having one. She's very close to her mother but her mother is demanding about certain things. It's partly because of her mother that she's with me. Her mother said she had to get a boyfriend. It looks like I was in the right place at the right time.

When she's not ovulating, GF obsesses over other things, such as real estate. She devotes much time to sifting through property listings on the internet to determine which house or apartment we should buy. Our walks typically revolve around running (sometimes literally) towards any For Sale sign she spots. During this time she has little interest in babies, though I often remind her that while a small apartment is ok for the two of us, it would not be suitable for a family of three.

About a month ago GF suggested that I have a vasectomy when she realised there was a high chance the child would have aspergers. Of course I was more than a little insulted by this. I'd been thinking of having a vasectomy just so I could avoid raising children in general (not specifically so I could avoid raising children with aspergers). For a while I entertained the notion that regardless of the appalling reason for her wanting me to get a vasectomy, it could still tie in with my own plans to get one.

But this plan had two snags. Firstly, getting a vasectomy seems so final. There was and is a part of me that wants to try raising a child. Who knows, I might be good at it. She might be good at it. Secondly, she hinted that the vasectomy was only to prevent her having a child by me. She implied that she could get a sperm donor or adopt.

It's possible that my extreme brattiness as a child was caused by aspergers but not all aspie kids are like that. It's possible that by adopting I could avoid that brattiness but it still seems wrong. I normally think adoption is a very noble and generous act but not when it's done for this reason.

I don't want to adopt. True there are probably some kids who really need good foster parents. Call me selfish. I don't buy this idea that procreating will lead to some overpopulation crisis since in the developed world, the birth rate has gotten very low. It's now barely above subsistence levels.


This indeed sounds very strange. I hope you could find a solution or some calm im sorry for the late response. Aspergers is no genetical desease seems she has allot of boundaries. If i was in such a relationship and my BF would talk like that id end the relationship right away, thats unsensible. Why shes with you in the first place if she doesnt even spend some slight efforts to understand your diagnose?



HistoryGal
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31 May 2018, 12:36 pm

Interesting how pregnancy is treated like a side effect of sex instead of its primary purpose. We suit up with multiple forms of contraceptives if we're smart and avoid pregnancy most of the time. I say that because anyone who has ever had coitus has used condoms at least once or their male partner has. You do know how uncomfortable they are, feel weird for the woman and of course nothing can kill a mood faster than a guy having to stop and open one up. You gotta have that ready nearby. Guys hate the feeling, sometimes in the heat of the moment, the condom is skipped. You now only have ONE layer of protection -hers. A snafu happens with her pill, barrier device and pregnancy occurs. This quickly turns into an Oh Shtt moment for the couple.

There are many NON religious reasons to not have premarital sex. Fear of pregnancy, std risk, sex turns into another casual recreational activity.



goldfish21
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31 May 2018, 12:49 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
sex turns into another casual recreational activity.


You say that like it's a bad thing.. :? :P


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HistoryGal
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31 May 2018, 1:02 pm

Hi Goldfish, I understand that last statement is apt to meet resistance. Our culture does promote sex as an activity requiring minimal commitment. I know it's a biological function. I also know it's pleasurable. But this function involves another human person. It's not like self stimulation. The specialness of the connection between two persons in commitment to one another can be compromised if the activity is just seen as recreational. One or both persons are reduced to a vehicle for the others physical gratification.

Just things to ponder. I say with great respect as you Goldfish are a very special person.



goldfish21
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31 May 2018, 1:28 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
Hi Goldfish, I understand that last statement is apt to meet resistance. Our culture does promote sex as an activity requiring minimal commitment. I know it's a biological function. I also know it's pleasurable. But this function involves another human person. It's not like self stimulation. The specialness of the connection between two persons in commitment to one another can be compromised if the activity is just seen as recreational. One or both persons are reduced to a vehicle for the others physical gratification.

Just things to ponder. I say with great respect as you Goldfish are a very special person.


Nah, I get it. You have a different perspective. You're female. Your hormones & thought process in terms of sex are fundamentally biologically different from males. You have a need for an emotional connection that males don't experience the same way.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum as a gay man, and I can assure you that the casual sex gay guys have is very rarely reducing either partner to a "vehicle for the others physical gratification." It's not rape. It's a mutually agreed upon thing where both (or more? lol) people consent to a mutually pleasurable experience. In some ways, it's the hippie movements' "free love," ideals on steroids some ~50 years later.. and in some ways, it's a very beautiful thing for a lot of people. (I have many straight friends who are hella jealous of gay guys' sex lives and wish theirs could be similar, for obvious reasons. Annnd, while it will NEVER happen, I'm sure "Incels," would prefer the stereotypical gay sex life - or any.)

It's just different, not wrong. It's not for everyone, but for those it is for - ~no one is getting hurt. There are definitely different lines of thinking & paths to human sexuality, and everyone, male, or female, gay/bi/straight/? has the freedom of choice to do whatever's right for them.

It's not the greatest song in the world, but I'm with Sloan when they said:

"If it feels good do it even if you shouldn't
Don't let people mess you around
Feels good do it even if you shouldn't
Nobody can mess you around"

8)


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HistoryGal
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31 May 2018, 1:43 pm

Pregnancy is definitely not an issue in your situation.

Right. I am a female. One in a committed relationship.

I'm glad you shared with me. I still think you are a sweet person.

Take care of yourself out there. I really like that you didn't reply in a hostile way. By far, you are one of the most open posters on here.



goldfish21
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31 May 2018, 1:48 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
Pregnancy is definitely not an issue in your situation.

Right. I am a female. One in a committed relationship.

I'm glad you shared with me. I still think you are a sweet person.

Take care of yourself out there. I really like that you didn't reply in a hostile way. By far, you are one of the most open posters on here.


Nothing you posted warranted a hostile response, soooo.. :)

And yeah, I take care of myself.. I'm in Canada, so if I get my feelings hurt I can go to a hospital and get them checked for free. :mrgreen: Plus, like almost everyone that participates in the lifestyle I do, I practice safe sex & still get tested for everything under the Sun regularly as My health is of utmost importance, and I respect the health of my partner(s) just the same. I'm not about to play Russian Roulette with my health. (Some people do.. those people are.. Not wise.)


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