Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

How to attract women despite you have Aspergers

Page 7 of 8 [ 118 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 4, 5, 6, 7, 8  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

21 Dec 2021, 10:25 pm

theprisoner wrote:
It worked for Elvis Presley :lol: or Elvis the pelvis as they called him.


Believe it or not it's now a DSM disorder
https://www.theravive.com/therapedia/re ... 94-(g25.81)



blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,045

22 Dec 2021, 1:00 am

cyberdad wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
Most of the time they just see you as broken or weird & they don't even have to say anything and you already know that by the way they treat you.

I haven't been in any kind of 'serious' relationship with an NT & I don't expect to be.


I think relationships are a two way street. You can't blame all NTs for not being prepared to put up with "weird" when they have no frame of reference,

Read some the NT posts on WP about how to deal with their Aspie partner's behavior. A lot of NTs entering into a relationship with an Aspie sincerely want the relationship to work because they love their partner and want what's best for them.


I agree. I find that Autistic folk just put all of the responsbility onto NT's to know everything about them, without bothering to edcuate them, as if they are magical and psychic (which they [NT's] are in some ways to an extent).

By expecting NT's to simply understand an Autistic with no frame of reference, an Autistic person is basically framing that NT person as superior to them. That makes sense if you want to be 'looked after' by someone an Autistic considers to be 'superior' (an NT) - but makes zero sense if you are trying to achieve disabled equality/equal social standing for Autistic folk in relation to NT's.

If you don't want to be treated like a kid as an Autistic - don't act like one is a general rule of thumb.


_________________
“I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party and I attended with my real face” - Franz Kafka


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

22 Dec 2021, 3:36 am

blitzkrieg wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
Most of the time they just see you as broken or weird & they don't even have to say anything and you already know that by the way they treat you.

I haven't been in any kind of 'serious' relationship with an NT & I don't expect to be.


I think relationships are a two way street. You can't blame all NTs for not being prepared to put up with "weird" when they have no frame of reference,

Read some the NT posts on WP about how to deal with their Aspie partner's behavior. A lot of NTs entering into a relationship with an Aspie sincerely want the relationship to work because they love their partner and want what's best for them.


I agree. I find that Autistic folk just put all of the responsbility onto NT's to know everything about them, without bothering to edcuate them, as if they are magical and psychic (which they [NT's] are in some ways to an extent).

By expecting NT's to simply understand an Autistic with no frame of reference, an Autistic person is basically framing that NT person as superior to them. That makes sense if you want to be 'looked after' by someone an Autistic considers to be 'superior' (an NT) - but makes zero sense if you are trying to achieve disabled equality/equal social standing for Autistic folk in relation to NT's.

If you don't want to be treated like a kid as an Autistic - don't act like one is a general rule of thumb.


I've lived an autistic child for 16 years now and I'll be the first to admit it's difficult to predict behaviour but conversely I continually underestimate her capacity to comprehend what's going on or her ability to reflect and self-assess/self-fix a predicament as it arises.

I imagine it's mission impossible for an NT to fully understand their Aspie/autie partner.



WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States

22 Dec 2021, 4:20 pm

cyberdad wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
i never liked it but why does it seem that for guys, men, it is mostly social behavior based or social skills based it seems


You also need to look at it from the options a girl has. The moment the girl has options then "weird" goes to the bottom of the list.


this reason why it makes me mad and upset, is because it seems, the way a guy talks, the way his conversations or interactions go, the words and sentences that come out of his mouth, impact his ability to get laid or get into a relationship, get a date, much more than the other way around.



Outsider85
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 28 Apr 2012
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 188
Location: Wisconsin

22 Dec 2021, 4:49 pm

It seems Aspergers or any kind of autism gets in the way of getting anywhere with relationships.



theprisoner
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2021
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,431
Location: Britain

22 Dec 2021, 5:02 pm

Maybe some acting lessons would help. It's hard to be smooth socially, without some kind of training. I think i need to work on that myself.


_________________
AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)


WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States

22 Dec 2021, 5:03 pm

Outsider85 wrote:
It seems Aspergers or any kind of autism gets in the way of getting anywhere with relationships.


and since it affects a persons social-skills or interactions with people, that is going to affect men more than women because men have the burden of having to turn on or attract the opposite sex through interactions



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

22 Dec 2021, 7:56 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
i never liked it but why does it seem that for guys, men, it is mostly social behavior based or social skills based it seems


You also need to look at it from the options a girl has. The moment the girl has options then "weird" goes to the bottom of the list.


this reason why it makes me mad and upset, is because it seems, the way a guy talks, the way his conversations or interactions go, the words and sentences that come out of his mouth, impact his ability to get laid or get into a relationship, get a date, much more than the other way around.


Yes it's frustrating. I think its partly biological. Throughout the animal world the male is the one who has to impress the female. She carries the burden of raising the young and through evolution females pick the most robust mate to pass on their genes. It's called sexual selection.



WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States

22 Dec 2021, 8:11 pm

cyberdad wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
i never liked it but why does it seem that for guys, men, it is mostly social behavior based or social skills based it seems


You also need to look at it from the options a girl has. The moment the girl has options then "weird" goes to the bottom of the list.


this reason why it makes me mad and upset, is because it seems, the way a guy talks, the way his conversations or interactions go, the words and sentences that come out of his mouth, impact his ability to get laid or get into a relationship, get a date, much more than the other way around.


Yes it's frustrating. I think its partly biological. Throughout the animal world the male is the one who has to impress the female. She carries the burden of raising the young and through evolution females pick the most robust mate to pass on their genes. It's called sexual selection.


yup i know that, its just it seems more cruel in us humans, because us humans don't solely have sex just for reproducing, i think us humans are one of the view animals on the planet that has sex for fun and pleasure.



cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

22 Dec 2021, 8:36 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
yup i know that, its just it seems more cruel in us humans, because us humans don't solely have sex just for reproducing, i think us humans are one of the view animals on the planet that has sex for fun and pleasure.


Since the late 1960s with the development of the pill, women had this option to sleep with whom they want to. But here's the thing. Once the pressure was taken off marriage, then women could pick whom to have short term hookups or defacto relations with. Not surprisingly women selected the the pick of the crop. While girls don't tell you to your face, 90% of girls/women actually want to have relations with only the top 10% of the male population. For 80% of women their options don't give them access to the top men so they compromise with whom is next down the rung. If the options they have available are not meeting their expectation....guess what....they don't get married or form a long term relationship. But they still go clubbing/parties and hookup with the highest ranking male available for a one night stand. That's how they spend their 20s and 30s.

Ever wondered why billionaires, celebrities and sports stars have women throw themselves at them? Tiger Woods would simply walk up to some random girl in a hotel, working as a waitress and she would sleep with him. He even had his neighbor's daughter meet up and have sex with him in his jeep.



blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,045

22 Dec 2021, 8:51 pm

cyberdad wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
yup i know that, its just it seems more cruel in us humans, because us humans don't solely have sex just for reproducing, i think us humans are one of the view animals on the planet that has sex for fun and pleasure.


Since the late 1960s with the development of the pill, women had this option to sleep with whom they want to. But here's the thing. Once the pressure was taken off marriage, then women could pick whom to have short term hookups or defacto relations with. Not surprisingly women selected the the pick of the crop. While girls don't tell you to your face, 90% of girls/women actually want to have relations with only the top 10% of the male population. For 80% of women their options don't give them access to the top men so they compromise with whom is next down the rung. If the options they have available are not meeting their expectation....guess what....they don't get married or form a long term relationship. But they still go clubbing/parties and hookup with the highest ranking male available for a one night stand. That's how they spend their 20s and 30s.

Ever wondered why billionaires, celebrities and sports stars have women throw themselves at them? Tiger Woods would simply walk up to some random girl in a hotel, working as a waitress and she would sleep with him. He even had his neighbor's daughter meet up and have sex with him in his jeep.


It is very common in the UK for women to hit on guys in clubs when they have had a few alcoholic beverages. Or it used to be back in 2007-2009?

They are probably all wokeists now, terrifed of men.


_________________
“I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party and I attended with my real face” - Franz Kafka


cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

22 Dec 2021, 8:54 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
yup i know that, its just it seems more cruel in us humans, because us humans don't solely have sex just for reproducing, i think us humans are one of the view animals on the planet that has sex for fun and pleasure.


Since the late 1960s with the development of the pill, women had this option to sleep with whom they want to. But here's the thing. Once the pressure was taken off marriage, then women could pick whom to have short term hookups or defacto relations with. Not surprisingly women selected the the pick of the crop. While girls don't tell you to your face, 90% of girls/women actually want to have relations with only the top 10% of the male population. For 80% of women their options don't give them access to the top men so they compromise with whom is next down the rung. If the options they have available are not meeting their expectation....guess what....they don't get married or form a long term relationship. But they still go clubbing/parties and hookup with the highest ranking male available for a one night stand. That's how they spend their 20s and 30s.

Ever wondered why billionaires, celebrities and sports stars have women throw themselves at them? Tiger Woods would simply walk up to some random girl in a hotel, working as a waitress and she would sleep with him. He even had his neighbor's daughter meet up and have sex with him in his jeep.


It is very common in the UK for women to hit on guys in clubs when they have had a few alcoholic beverages. Or it used to be back in 2007-2009?


Ok never experienced this in Australia. Single women in clubs stand around with their friends acting like drunk princesses. Too good for all the men they don't know.

The single women I knew had fubus...men they knew who they could hook up with if they were feeling lonely, Alas I was never Fubu material.



WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,214
Location: California, United States

22 Dec 2021, 9:31 pm

cyberdad wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
yup i know that, its just it seems more cruel in us humans, because us humans don't solely have sex just for reproducing, i think us humans are one of the view animals on the planet that has sex for fun and pleasure.


Since the late 1960s with the development of the pill, women had this option to sleep with whom they want to. But here's the thing. Once the pressure was taken off marriage, then women could pick whom to have short term hookups or defacto relations with. Not surprisingly women selected the the pick of the crop. While girls don't tell you to your face, 90% of girls/women actually want to have relations with only the top 10% of the male population. For 80% of women their options don't give them access to the top men so they compromise with whom is next down the rung. If the options they have available are not meeting their expectation....guess what....they don't get married or form a long term relationship. But they still go clubbing/parties and hookup with the highest ranking male available for a one night stand. That's how they spend their 20s and 30s.

Ever wondered why billionaires, celebrities and sports stars have women throw themselves at them? Tiger Woods would simply walk up to some random girl in a hotel, working as a waitress and she would sleep with him. He even had his neighbor's daughter meet up and have sex with him in his jeep.


and Tiger Woods is known to have paid for sex, have sex with escorts.



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 28,552
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

23 Dec 2021, 12:20 am

theprisoner wrote:
Some women will stalk court a guy, so to speak. if the guy isn't interested, or doesn't make any move on them, some women might not take no for answer, wait for opportunities, if they've set their sights on somebody. Women have better instincts on all this. They learn early and fast how to attract. NT women that is. Maybe not autistic women.
Stalking can work for some women. That's kinda what my current girlfriend did with me but I was very lonely & desperate. Sometimes us guys are very happy to have a woman take an interest in us. The band Goldfinger also liked being stalked in the end :lmao:



_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Last edited by nick007 on 23 Dec 2021, 12:32 am, edited 2 times in total.

cyberdad
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Feb 2011
Age: 58
Gender: Male
Posts: 36,036

23 Dec 2021, 12:27 am

WantToHaveALife wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
yup i know that, its just it seems more cruel in us humans, because us humans don't solely have sex just for reproducing, i think us humans are one of the view animals on the planet that has sex for fun and pleasure.


Since the late 1960s with the development of the pill, women had this option to sleep with whom they want to. But here's the thing. Once the pressure was taken off marriage, then women could pick whom to have short term hookups or defacto relations with. Not surprisingly women selected the the pick of the crop. While girls don't tell you to your face, 90% of girls/women actually want to have relations with only the top 10% of the male population. For 80% of women their options don't give them access to the top men so they compromise with whom is next down the rung. If the options they have available are not meeting their expectation....guess what....they don't get married or form a long term relationship. But they still go clubbing/parties and hookup with the highest ranking male available for a one night stand. That's how they spend their 20s and 30s.

Ever wondered why billionaires, celebrities and sports stars have women throw themselves at them? Tiger Woods would simply walk up to some random girl in a hotel, working as a waitress and she would sleep with him. He even had his neighbor's daughter meet up and have sex with him in his jeep.


and Tiger Woods is known to have paid for sex, have sex with escorts.


To be precise, Woods had a "type". He paid because i) he could afford it and ii) his "type" was not always accessible.
When you read his sexual exploits though. the moment he spotted a girl he liked, whether in a convenience story, casino, bar, hotel, neighbor's house, best friend's wife, he just walked up to them and introduced himself.

He had 130 "known" affairs.



blitzkrieg
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jun 2011
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 22,045

23 Dec 2021, 11:19 am

nick007 wrote:
theprisoner wrote:
Some women will stalk court a guy, so to speak. if the guy isn't interested, or doesn't make any move on them, some women might not take no for answer, wait for opportunities, if they've set their sights on somebody. Women have better instincts on all this. They learn early and fast how to attract. NT women that is. Maybe not autistic women.
Stalking can work for some women. That's kinda what my current girlfriend did with me but I was very lonely & desperate. Sometimes us guys are very happy to have a woman take an interest in us. The band Goldfinger also liked being stalked in the end :lmao:




Yep. There's nothing creepy for me either with being stalked by women I am interested in. I only get worried or feel bad if they believe or seem to have an opinion of me that is not true.


_________________
“I was ashamed of myself when I realized life was a costume party and I attended with my real face” - Franz Kafka