The Need for Romantic Intimacy

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You’re almost definitely “good enough.”

You’re slightly above average height, and not too chubby.

And you have a brain. You have virtues I can only aspire to attain.

I think our increased reliance on electronic devices is also contributing. People have less of a need to go outside and meet people to entertain themselves and fill their time when electronics offer limitless leisure activities.

I also think the rise of online dating has probably contributed to the disparity between men and women. Online dating very much tends to favour women as an aggregate. They get to filter through all their many matches to choose the most desirable suitors, while the average man is scrambling to get any matches at all.

That's because fewer women use online dating. But that, in turn, because meeting total strangers is physically more dangerous for women than for men. Most women still prefer to meet people via whatever social milieu they happen to be part of.

I still lived with my parents the first three times I had sex. The first time, I drove to the escort's hotel, and had sex there; my cover story to my parents was that I was going to a dance class. The second time, I rented a hotel room, and took my girlfriend there, and told a lie to my parents that "I'm going to a friend's party, and don't want to DUI, so I'm going to crash on the couch there"; he was in on the lie and could lie for me if my parents called him. The third time, it was in the afternoon, when my parents were at work and I was unemployed, so no lie was even necessary; I just drove to the escort's hotel, and did my best to keep a straight face at home that night. The "celebration escort" I hired shortly after getting my own apartment was at her hotel, though; by then, I learned that it's mostly unsafe to host escorts at your home.

If you're a beta male living with your parents, sex can be done, but it's definitely a challenge. It became much easier once I moved out. I could have sex at her place without having to make up a lie, bring her to my place, or if paying for it, just take buses and/or trains to my escort's hotel room without having to create a cover story. (I later learned that my state impounds cars when arresting men for solicitation of prostitution, so I switched to public transit.)

Last edited by Aspie1 on 22 Feb 2022, 9:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yep…that’s the thing.

People tend to meet at social gatherings, or through mutual friends, or at work….just like in the old days.

I once answered a newspaper ad. I knocked on her door. She dragged me in…the rest was history. This was September, 1984.

I wish this sort of thing could happen in 2022.

Thanks KK.

I wish I had proof of that in the way of someone taking a romantic interest in me. Regardless of the reality, I'll probably always feel inadequate while that's the picture my reality paints for me. It'd probably take someone actually taking a romantic interest in me to make me feel otherwise

And that sucks for me because my social circle has gradually shrunk since the end of high school, to where I now don't have any close friends, or really much of any friends at all.

Even when I did have a social circle, I never really had any female friends, and the few women in the milieu never had any romantic interest in me.

I understand that "friends first" relationships are probably more built to last because the foundation has already been laid beforehand, but at this point I really just care about experiencing romantic intimacy as soon as possible with a suitable person, even if it doesn't last long-term.

I understand that you advocate for the "friends first" approach, but the challenge with that for someone in my position is that I find it unfathomable that somebody could be interested in me romantically, so I'd be unlikely to be confident enough to make a move to escalate a friendship to something more unless I was given very clear signs, and women tend to wait for the man to take a friendship further.

It's hard enough for an autistic man in the dating world anyway. Harbouring insecurities, feelings of inadequacy and confidence issues from wanting to date for over a decade and never being able to makes things much harder.

I'm reviving this thread because this is still pretty much where I'm at.

With pervasive confidence and self-esteem issues, few avenues for meeting women my age, a fair bit to work on in order to feel better about myself, and my track record of never having had a girlfriend, the likelihood of me getting a girlfriend in the future seems very slim.

But the lack of an avenue through which to experience romantic intimacy, affection or validation is resulting in severe depression, a debilitating lack of motivation, and the absence of a desire to continue living.

I really need a way to appease my romantic desires enough that they're not weighing on me so heavily anymore, and to give me hope that there are women out there who would be willing to date me. In the past year, I've had a couple of romantic connections with women online, and I felt much better for the duration of those interactions. I wish I could find a sustainable connection like that. Or just some other way to appease my romantic desires. Otherwise, I kinda hope I die.

When was the last time you managed to start any kind of relationship with a woman?

When I was a teenager (in the 90's,before the internet) I could get into a relationship even though I had terrible social skills. I could call a girl on the phone and have her come meet me at a rate,which today, would come off as 'needy and disgusting'. (about once or twice a week). But back then...as I was probably the only person calling the girl....it was acceptable.

Things are very different nowadays.



My sex robot rebelled and ran off with the postman

I've been lurking this site ever since I was a kid but I never thought to make an account. This post reasonates with me a lot. I've had similar thoughts throughout my life even though my desire for intimacy fluctuates and it's pretty sporadic.
I did go ahead and start seeing an escort not too long ago. I think the experiences have been great if anything and because I'd given up on the whole idea of dating, it's essentially, for me, the next best thing and it helps keep things at bay. It's also great because you can reenact the whole romantic acts you've seen plagued your screen and books that you've been seeing your whole life while concurrently being unable to attain. I'm not sure if you're hopeful of meeting someone or if you've given up but I did let go of my staunch opposition to doing the whole "GFE" thing with a sex worker because I realized that dating really is just a market. Unfortunately, a lot of men won't make it no matter what because of physical features or anything else in between such as not being NT, etc. For me, I'm just a short, unattractive guy with Asperger's so it's a losing game. It's like trying to make it into the NBA as a dwarf. Some of us are just not cut out for certain things and that's okay.
I think it's a matter of perspective, and even *if* you do give up on finding someone, just know that you don't have to forgo experiencing sex, intimacy, touch, hugs, etc thanks to sex workers.

In answer to Klanka: I'm married.

OK thanks for answering, I asked cos you said you had had some success. If that was like a year ago or something i'd be like OK good someone is making progress here in this society of ours

Make a Tinder account and set your location to Cebu City Philippines. You'll go from 3 matches to at least 50, within a week.

You're welcome.

BAD idea! It's a fast-track recipe for a bunch of fakes/bots. Most bots are created in Russia, China, or Southeast Asia.

Check this out.


Or this:

If a 10/10 girl is messaging you first, and you're a 5/10, then 9 times out of 10, it's a fake profile. Because think about it, why would a woman that hot be so eager and open to dating you? I mean if you were a 6 ft 2 male model and were semi-famous, it might make sense. But a 5 ft 7 pot bellied middle age man? Any girl that looks like a supermodel and is messaging you first is fake.

Couldn't have said it better myself, of course this is hard to admit and even harder to act on.