Pick-up lines?

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Sounds like my kinda lesbian.

You know, after seeing some of the fighting around here I got curious enough to delve back into these threads a little and read up. I think the lapse of communication is this though, when people talk about the pick-up guru stuff something gets lost in the translation. When someone is saying things like either what data sage was putting out there its meant to be said in a very specific tone - teasing, trying to make her laugh, not showing bitterness or acting like a real 'jerk'.

I think for aspies the trouble would be application of facial expression or tone, we don't play the cocky bit as easily just because we have a harder time saying "Hey, hands off the merchandise" while still giving a wink to say we're just being humorously instigative, that and the sheer amount of energy it takes to keep things that witty or really convey the message appropriately (rather than having it come off as creepy or manipulative) is something most aspies just don't have. So much of all that is really intent, how a woman reads intent on your face or in your nonverbal cues, and all that has to add up. I have friends who do all this stuff to a degree, have read up on Dave DeAngelo, and they treat women well - but they do throw flirtatious jabs out there a lot.

Well, the key to my having answered your question about a pick up line that way, which I guess I should have said explicitly, is the idea is AFTER that, you ask for the phone number, or suggest a coffee or some other activity. And what I was trying to get at was that if she says No, you needn't feel it was because you didn't say the magic words.

I've read David DeAngelo's stuff as well, having been tipped off to it by a couple of guys.

Cocky/funny and flirtatious jabs are fine, but his stuff does shade over into downright rudeness sometimes, IMO. And DataSage's suggestion that if a woman doesn't give her your phone number you pretend not to have wanted it, was aggressive and pathetic. I stand by that 100%.

Tell you what, though. For a few years now, I've been struggling to understand what guys are trying to accomplish with some of the obnoxious ways I've been approached. Do they actually think this is going to get them somewhere, I've wondered? Finding out about DeAngelo and others like him answers that question -- yes, they actually do.

However, they're using it on the wrong girl. I go for the type of approach DeAngelo says is guaranteed to fail -- respectful, polite, chivalrous, protective. If women as a whole aren't responding to that anymore, I feel sorry for them.

What's worse, is that this s**t does work.
But, as I've said, it would NOT get me what
I'd want in a woman. I want someone strong
enough not to fall for a line of bull.



Then again, I'm not sure that this really
fits my style either. I'm more likely to
just give blatantly, and horrifyingly
honest.

I really must chuckle at this. You are pissed because guys are approaching you thinking that you are an NT and that you will respond as such? I mean David can't possibly know what he's talking about it, because it doesn't work on Juliekitty!!1 Zomgz!!1

You are different from 99% of women i.e. you have Aspergers. It is important to keep this in mind.

He is also the utmost respectful of women and teaches men as such even if you don't see it that way.

Yeah, societal conditioning doesn't really bring out the best in most of us I'm afraid.



That last part is pretty much where it comes from, most people don't want to be lonely so they'll do what they have to - when society lays it into you that your being a wimp or pretty much deserving to fail if you won't adapt and just do what's necessary, that hangs pretty heavy on your consciousness as well. My own opinion though, if that's just the way a guy is and he's genuine - all the power to him. People who aren't genuine with it though it'll backfire, again it takes a lot of authenticity to really have that sort of act be a positive thing.

From what you said though, I think this is really why people need to have more compassion and a lot less antipathy - its the reason why people put broad brushed acts on like that, to get around other people's initial biases, fronts, ie. they have to prove that they're 'cool'; sadly that form of cool or lack there of doesn't speak 5 degrees of the whole 360 that exists in a person. When our society creates these sorts of stumbling blocks its downfall is the inability to realize that it isn't working, that people aren't happy, and more importantly the specifics of why.

The best is when it's both.



Trust me, I hear plenty of NT women complaining about how rude guys are these days as well.

As long as there are enough low-self-esteem women sucking it up, though, I guess there's no motivation for it to stop.



I've been subscribed to his e-mail newsletter for over a year, and while I don't have a big problem with much of what he writes - although it wouldn't work on me - some of what he suggests is downright rude.

He is, however, probably the best of a bad lot.

Then 'twouldn't be horrifying.
And sadly, that's the only way
honesty works, with what I am.

This thread is making me laugh, as do many other threads containing misogny.


"The girls don't want to go out with me! There must me something wrong with them."

cripes, you guys really stay up late for a school/work night!

Calendale, you KNOW Eugene does not have the 'usual' women in it, NT or Aspie!

JulieKitty, thanks for typing it all out for me, your personal experience mirrors mine (wow, who knew Aspies have mirror neurons with EACH OTHER??)

A lot of people that have good relationships are not dependant on a 'line' at all! They meet through family or friends and there is no constant variable of what sort of trust can be given to a total stranger. A man rarely thinks a woman will molest/assault him, but it is foremost in a woman's mind (or should be if picking up strangers) and a 'line' is all we have to go on of COURSE there is far more at play here than the 10% of the message that is the 'line'.

We have to remember the reason for the line - lack of a social network that frames the initial encounter! We are asked to trust on a whim. All of us, because if that line worked on ME, then you would have a tiger by the tail and NOT what you thought you were getting when I sat there in my pretty package. (Just ask my former lovers/husbands)

OK, now I have to get ready for work, do you guys work the swing shift? or what?

Merle

It's a holiday in Canada.

Heh, I just had real bad insomnia last night, still up from one o'clock yesterday afternoon but on the bright side I still had a great day at work and the moods still holding over.

Interesting point. One I have to consider,
since I haven't gotten too far here. Yet,
something about the spirit of the town
seems right.

(Heh heh... a little demonic double entendre, whether you meant it or not.)

Ragtime! re: your avatar

did that fiancee of yours finally get you out of your suit??